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Sexting

Whether it’s a sexy snap to your boy/girl friend or a stranger - protect yourself!


Written by SpunOut | View this authors Twitter page and posted in life


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For some people, sexting can be relatively incident-free and your messages will only be seen by the person you initially planned would see them. But there are also many cases where something that may seem like a bit of harmless fun at the time ends with regret.

There is only so much you can do to protect yourself from a naked picture or video of you getting into the wrong hands. Other than not sending one at all, there is no guarantee you can prevent it from being shared with a wider audience than you initially intended.

Remember; you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, and should never feel pressured into it. No matter how much you like the other person or how much pressure they put on you. If they respect you, they will completely understand, and if they don’t understand then they’re probably not worth your while.

If you’re in a situation that makes you uncomfortable and the other person keeps asking you for sexts, don’t be afraid to block them. You can find lots of information on blocking and more over at our Online Safety Hub. You can also find out more about peer pressure here.

What is it?

Pretty much what it says on the tin - the sending of sexy texts, images or videos to another person.

Sexting can be with a partner you’re mad about, a friend  or an acquaintance/stranger on a dating app.

Why do people sext?

  • For some people, sending or receiving sexts can be a turn-on or a way to feel intimate with another person.
  • You may feel that sending a sext will make someone like you more. But remember, if someone is worth your while, they will like you whether you send them sexts or not.
  • Maybe you are both horny and far away from each other and therefore decide it’s the only option available to you at that moment in time.
  • Or maybe you’re using a dating app like Tinder, Grindr or Blendr and the person you’re sending a nude to is someone you’ve never met or chatted to before.

Things to consider if you are thinking about pressing ‘send’

  • You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, and don’t feel pressured into sending something you’re not comfortable with.
  • Think about what way you would feel if the photo was seen by friends or family in the first instance, or a wider audience on Facebook or Twitter.
  • Know you have no control over what happens after you press send. SnapChat might seem like a way to sext with limited risk, but it’s far from totally secure. Especially with apps freely available to download in app stores that allow recipients to view snaps indefinitely or screenshot without notification.
  • Consider what will happen to the photo/video if you break up with the person or friend you’re sending it to.
  • Consider how your employer would view the situation if it were to become public.
  • If you send it to a stranger or someone you don’t trust, there have been cases where nudes have been used to blackmail people.
  • It doesn’t necessarily have to get posted to Facebook or Twitter, it could get posted to an amateur porn sites.
  • If you’re on a webcam, your session could be recorded without your knowledge.
  • Remember, if you are under 18, a sexual image of you will be considered child exploitation material. This means that you and the person you send it too could be in some very serious trouble as possessing or distributing explicit images of a young person under 18 is illegal and can lead to criminal prosecution. Penalties can include jail time and a fine. Offenders are also automatically added to the sex offenders register for at least 2 ½ years and there are no exceptions.
  • If you're making the image just to look at together, insist that it is made and kept on your own phone or device.
  • Remember that even though some apps delete your message after a short time, an image can still be saved by taking a screenshot. If you don't trust the recipient not to share the image, don't send it.

Sure, it’s meant to be a bit of fun, but what if an image or video were used in a way in which you didn’t want them to be? Having something as intimate as a nude shared without your permission can have a big impact on you psychologically. Be sure to think about the emotional stress of having pictures of yourself distributed to everyone you know by an ex or former friend.

OK, I’ve considered what can go wrong, now - how can I protect myself?

  • Keeping in mind nothing is totally secure, here are some ways to avoid having a picture or video of you leaked;
  • Only share with people you trust (bearing in mind you may trust them if they are a friend or partner now, but it’s important to think about what they would do if this were no longer the case).
  • Try to avoid showing your face in any pictures/video - make sure you crop photos or aim the webcam away from your face so it’s not in shot.
  • To avoid your image leaking in a system hack, use a secure encrypted messaging app. There are loads of these out there, including Threema and Silent Circle.
  • Make an agreement with the other person to delete the photos/vids/texts afterwards.
  • If you’re using a dating app, delete and reinstall it and your profile regularly.
  • Don’t reveal too much personal info to strangers.
  • When you break up with your significant other - arrange a time to meet up to delete any such photos/videos from each other’s devices.

So I got naked, and now it’s online. What do I do?

  • Firstly try not to panic. Tell someone you trust, you may feel embarrassed but talking to a parent, friend or trusted adult will help as they can offer a support and advice.
  • Untag yourself if tagged and deactivate your social media accounts.
  • Contact the person who has posted it and demand they take it down.
  • Report it to the website in question and demand they remove it. Find out more about reporting on different platforms here.
  • Contact a legal professional to engage their assistance in removing it and demanding the person who shared it to surrender all copies they possess. Under Data Protection and copyright law, you have the legal right to have these images taken off the internet.
  • Create social media profiles for your name. This will push the bad search results off the first pages of Google. There are professional privacy companies who can help you to do this.
  • You can also now contact Google to request they remove the images from search results. You can do this here.
  • Talk to a family member straight away and get them to help you; it may be embarrassing at first, but it’s better they’re aware and able to help you - any immediate embarrassment will pale into insignificance if the photo spreads virally.
  • Be prepared for the stress, trauma & anxiety it will cause, but also know; things will get better. People may not quickly forget an incident, but they will quickly forget who was involved, so don’t worry, life will go on as normal. We all make mistakes. It’s important to have someone who can help you through a challenging time - so make sure you don’t try to deal with it alone.

What you should do if you get sent a nude going viral?

Think about the consequences of taking, sending, or forwarding a sexual picture of someone especially if they are under 17  (even if it’s of you). The sext is actually classified as “child exploitation material” and you could be charged with producing or sharing  this information under the Child Pornography and Trafficking Act. Not to mention the public humiliation, which could affect life at school and a future career. It could even stop you being admitted to places like America on holiday.

Not only that, but just be a good human and think about how you would feel if you were the person in the photo; have some compassion and report the image or reach out to the person involved to help them deal with situation.

Watch This Space video on the dangers of sexting:

Remember: The age of sexual consent in Ireland is 17. If you're over 16, you can consent to medical treatment including any treatment or tests needed.

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Published February 12th, 2014
Last updated March 30th, 2017
Tags sexting relationships safety
Can this be improved? Contact editor@spunout.ie if you have any suggestions for this article.

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