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I am becoming unfamiliar with the word ‘friend’

Vicky writes about the reality of losing friends and moving on


Written by Vicky Downey and posted in opinion


This is an opinion of a young person and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of SpunOut.ie. It is one person's experience and may be different for you. If you'd like to write something for SpunOut.ie please contact editor@spunout.ie.


"We are all bombarded with responsibilities and duties but it's essential to keep in mind the people that really care about you"

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University for many young people is a very exciting chapter of a young person's life. The freedom that awaits is incredible. However, when I was in 6th year in secondary school I always imagined that my close friends at the time would remain my close friends but little did I know our friendships would suddenly become quite absent. Those boring school days would only be worthwhile when you sat with your friends at lunch time or had a brief chat before class started. After I graduated secondary school we all went our own way, different courses and different colleges. It's true to say people come and go but the effects have an impact on many. I've had my fair share of friendships and many didn't last but I feel as if I've been thrown into an empty room and this feeling of isolation and unworthiness is waiting for me.

I've always been quite a chatty person but because of very little contact from my old friends I am gradually becoming more reserved. It's then I quickly learned relationship building is a skill. I am more cautious of the new people I meet in college because I don't want to have the same experiences repeated over and over. I now begin dreading the new friend process worrying is it going to be for awhile and then promptly it's like I'm non-existent. I don't see myself as the chaser and often feel I'll bother someone if I start a conversation on Facebook.

Many of us dread the unwanted episodes of thinking right before you go to sleep but we somehow can't seem to get rid of it. I sometimes lay there and wonder is it that difficult to see how someone is doing. When I look back to two years ago I wonder was I actually of any importance to my old 'friends' or was I just someone to borrow for a short time. I developed this notion when I saw pictures of my old friends together recently. These thoughts had an impact on my self esteem and I began to see myself as unwanted.

It's obvious to say we live in a busy society. We are all bombarded with responsibilities and duties but it's essential to keep in mind the people that really care about you. It's understandable if you want a fresh start after graduating school, many young people do, but it doesn't mean you have to have very little contact with your old friends. It only takes a few minutes out of your time to see how an old friend is doing. Be inclusive and be kind but at some point you have to realise some people stay in your heart but not in your life.

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Published January 5th, 2017
Tags friends friendships relationships
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