Say cheese

Biting the braces bullet.

When I was six all I wanted for Christmas was my two front teeth. Actually I tell a lie, all I wanted was for my two front teeth to fall out so that I could take the centre stage in my school Christmas show, singing said song. Alas, it wasn’t to be, and my best friend lost her two front teeth and got to sing the song. My pearly whites decided to break free two weeks after Christmas.

Now 16 years on, my two front teeth are the object of my obsession again, but this time I most definitely don’t want them to fall out! I’ve finally taken the plunge and decided to get those bad boys straightened out and that, mo chairde, means train-tracks. I’ve put it off and put it off, but now that I won’t get bullied in secondary school and won’t miss out on all the men in college, I’ve finally run out of excuses and got myself a great big mouth of metal.

Surprisingly it’s not quite as bad as you’d expect. For the first week I was on a diet of liquids, as I couldn’t bite into anything, which was great for my plans to lose a few pounds before hitting the beaches in Spain this summer but three weeks on, I can eat most foods. Not being able to chew gum is one thing I definitely miss, however I have been told by former brace wearers that it is possible; I just have yet to figure out the knack of it. Also walking around with a great big chunk of food in my braces brings the ‘spinach in my teeth’ fear to a whole new level. Luckily, my sister bought me a very cute compact mirror that has solved that problem.

Another problem is that I talk a lot. Now contrary to what you might have heard, braces don’t give you a lisp or make you talk funny. It’s just that when you try to talk and cover your teeth with your lips at the same time, the words come out a bit funny. The real problem is that when I talk a lot, the insides of my cheeks rub against the braces and it hurts, a lot. So I’ve regressed to my teething days and Bonjela has become my new best friend, coupled with this wax stuff the orthodontist gives you which covers over the brackets and prevents the aggravation. A word of warning though, don’t forget to take the wax off before you eat, it really doesn’t taste good.

Photos are my main bugbear at the minute. I’m one of those people who takes a camera everywhere and always has a big grin showing off all my teeth in all their crooked glory. However there is no escaping the fact that metal in your mouth just doesn’t look that good in pics. So I’ve been trying to master the closed mouth smile which is a lot harder than you think, I either look like I’m trying to pull off some sort of sultry pout that is just going wrong or else like a smug git that is smirking at something but nobody can tell what. So I’m avoiding the cameras until my Hollywood smile is perfected and unleashed on the world in all its straight, blindingly white and perfect glory!