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10 differences between porn and real life sex

The difference between porn and the sex in the real world


Written by SpunOut | View this authors Twitter page and posted in health


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More and more people are watching porn because it has become so much more accessible. And although many people may feel that watching porn is harmless, there is the possibility it can give an unrealistic view of what real life sex and relationships are like.

The reality is that real life sex is nothing like how it is portrayed in porn or Hollywood movies. 

While most people can separate fantasy from reality, there is the chance that due to watching porn some may have expectations of sex that just cannot be met in real life. If you feel like your sex life just simply does not live up to the Hollywood movies, you’re not alone. It’s impossible to live up to an ideal that doesn’t even exist.

Remember, porn stars are actors, and what looks great on screen may not work as well in real life. There are huge differences between real life sex and porn, and we look at some of them below.

1. Consent

In porn, people are always up for sex. This is not always the case in real life, and it is important that all involved consent to sex, and do not feel pressured into having sex. Likewise, make sure your partner is fully consenting. If they are not, you need to respectfully understand their decision and not pressure them to change their mind.

2. Body hair

In porn, everyone tends to be waxed, with no trace of body hair. Because of this, a lot of people might expect others to be completely hair free, and as a result many people may feel pressured to remove all their body hair. However in real life people are hairy, and it really is up to each person to decide if they want to remove their hair or not.

3. Erections

Porn makes it look like you can get a hard on easily that can last for a long time, but this is not always the case in real life. If you are having problems getting an erection, it is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. If it continues to be a problem, it may be worth visiting your doctor.

Another thing to keep in mind is that a porn star will often have a very big penis. If you're feeling self conscious, remember that the majority of people are not as big as those in porn. 

4. Anal sex

In some porn, anal sex can be common. However, in real life not everyone is having anal sex, or even having sex in different positions. It's great to be adventurous but many people like to have sex in the missionary position and in a bed, and this is ok too. Do what you and your partner are comfortable with.

5. Foreplay

Foreplay can often be missing from porn, but it can be a very important element to sex for many people, and they may not be able to come without first engaging in foreplay. For your partner to really enjoy themselves, taking part in foreplay can be key.

6. Making noise

A lot of the noise you hear in porn is acting, and not everyone will be as loud when they're having sex, even if they are enjoying it. If your partner is not making as much noise as you would find in porn, this doesn't necessarily mean they're not enjoying themselves.

7. Dirty talk

Some people like talking dirty, some don’t. It comes down to personal preference. If you want to try dirty talk, make sure to set some boundaries with what your partner is comfortable with. If you heard something in porn, check that your partner wants you to use certain terms before you engage in dirty talk. 

8. Condoms

Often porn stars have sex without using a condom, but this does not mean that everyone will have sex without a condom. Porn stars undergo regular STI checks to ensure they don’t pass on any infections. always practice safer sex, and that means using a condom. Remember that condoms are the only form of contraception that protects against STIs. You should never be pressured into having sex without one.

9. The ‘Cum shot’

The highlight of most pornography is what people in the industry call the ‘cum shot’. This usually involves someone ejaculating somewhere on their partner's body, such as on their breasts or face. Not everyone will be comfortable with this. Some people will enjoy it, while some will be completely turned off by it. It all comes down to personal preference, so always talk about it before having sex and respect your partner's feelings.

10. Real people versus those in porn 

Porn stars look nothing like how people look in real life. In real life people come in all shapes and sizes, have cellulite and lumps and bumps. This is perfectly normal, so try not to compare yourself to those you see in porn, as this can leave you feeling insecure. 

Remember: The age of sexual consent in Ireland is 17. If you're over 16, you can consent to medical treatment including any treatment or tests needed.

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Published May 29th, 2013
Last updated June 26th, 2018
Tags porn sex sexual health
Can this be improved? Contact editor@spunout.ie if you have any suggestions for this article.

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