There's no fun in faking it
Getting real in the bedroom.
This is an opinion of a young person and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of SpunOut.ie. It is one person's experience and may be different for you. If you'd like to write something for SpunOut.ie please contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
"the ‘scene’ is a hive of sexual experimentation for young gay people nowadays"
“There’s just one thing/ that’s getting in the way/ when we go up to bed/ you’re just no good it’s such a shame...”
Direct isn’t she? But is this necessarily a bad thing?
Okay, I am sure we all agree that Lily Allen needs to learn some tact when approaching her anonymous partner with her sexual misgivings, but at least she’s being honest - unlike a lot of us it seems.
I was always aware of the fact that some women faked sexual satisfaction when with men, having spent the latter part of my teenage years listening to my straight friends’ play by play reports of their encounters with boyfriends, but for some reason I expected this to be nonexistent between lesbians. After all, we have the same bodies, so therefore I felt we would have a greater knowledge of the female anatomy and what makes it tick.
However, whilst participating in a drinking game recently, this theory of mine was blown out of the water, when each of my friends revealed that they had ‘faked it’ during a sexual experience. Perhaps mistaking our secluded booth for a confession box in her inebriated state, one even let slip that she had “faked it” on every single occasion. When asked why, the general consensus was that it would have been “bad” on the girl and her “efforts” if they hadn’t. Upon hearing that I wasn’t a fan of faking it, they wasted no time in pointing out that my refusal to fake it was “harsh” on the girls in question.
Yet isn’t the fun part of sleeping with someone getting to know their body, and what they like? How can we do this if the other person is too busy faking it before the lights are even out? The conversation then naturally progressed to the question: “Have you ever succeeded in making a girl climax?”
Immediately, there were vigorous nods around the table. When posed with the possibility that these girls may have also faked it, they shook their heads dismissively. When asked how they could be so sure, they claimed that they just “knew”. Yet, how can any of us be sure of whether a girl is faking it or not? Practice makes perfect, so surely some ought to be better fakers than others?
Again, I can’t help but go back to the fundamental question – why ‘fake it’?
OK, we’ve heard about the ‘guilt’ factor, that women can feel obligated to ‘fake it’ and that sex with strangers is a factor in our faking it frenzies, but could it be something deeper than either? Are we scared of sex? Handing our bodies over to somebody else is a scary notion, not to mention the feeling of vulnerability it can evoke.
Is this why some of us ladies choose to get tanked up on shots before engaging in sexual activity? So that we can hide behind a screen of alcohol? My friends’ lack of discretion when discussing their sexual exploits is also another reason why we may be scared of letting go – are we really going to feel comfortable allowing ourselves to achieve orgasm in the presence of someone we feel may discuss the experience in detail with others?
So, what is the solution to the ‘faking it’ pandemic? Well, for a start, we could stop having sex for the sake of it. We are not only hurting ourselves emotionally by engaging in meaningless sexual encounters, but we are also putting ourselves at risk of STI’s.
I am not suggesting that we wait around for months on end before sleeping with someone we are interested in, but to at least take our time, until we feel that we trust the person enough to communicate with them about our needs.
We should all just try to relax and remember that ‘There’s no FUN in FAKING it’.