We all face difficult conversations at some point, whether it’s with a friend, family member, partner, or someone at work or school. These moments can feel daunting, but how you approach the conversation can make a big difference.
Try these 10 tips to make starting those conversations easier:
- Check in with yourself: Before starting the conversation, take a moment to assess whether you’re ready to talk. Sometimes, we need extra time to process our feelings and clarify what we want to communicate
- Choose the right time and place: If possible, find a calm, private setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation
- Find a position that feels right for you: Some people feel more comfortable sitting side by side rather than face to face during difficult conversations. If that’s what works best for you, choose a setup that helps you feel at ease. If the other person seems unsure or confused, you can gently explain your preference
- Be open to understanding: Enter the conversation with a willingness to hear and understand the other person’s perspective. Use open-ended questions and reflect what you’ve heard back to them to ensure you understand their experience
- Practise active listening: Demonstrate that you are genuinely engaged in the conversation by being patient, giving the other person your full attention, and acknowledging their feelings
- Use “I” statements: Express your feelings and the impact of the other person’s behaviour using “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “I feel overlooked when my thoughts aren’t acknowledged.” This helps to avoid sounding accusatory and encourages a more open dialogue
- Be honest but respectful: Find a comfortable balance between sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly while showing respect for the other person
- Incorporate consensual touch: If appropriate, a gentle touch of a hand or shoulder can help express your care and bring about a sense of deeper connection
- Aim for compromise: Recognise that you might not reach the exact outcome you hoped for. Try to leave the conversation with both of you feeling heard, valued, and understood
- Seek external help if needed: If an issue remains unresolved, there’s no shame in reaching out to a counsellor, trusted friend, or colleague for extra support or mediation
