How to control premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problems among people with penises. Premature ejaculation is the medical term for ‘coming’ (orgasming) too soon during sexual intercourse, or in the build up to sex. On average, it takes someone anywhere between five and nine minutes to have an orgasm but this differs hugely from person to person.

What causes premature ejaculation?

Any number of things can cause premature ejaculation, from anxiety and stress to any medication that you might be taking.

Other causes can include:

• Someone who was previously sexually active but hasn’t had sex in a long time may be more likely to ejaculate prematurely when they start having it again
• If you’re stressed or worried about having an orgasm then you might trigger things a little earlier than you want to
• Physical conditions or illness are extremely rare and include overly tight foreskin and increased nerve sensitivity in the penis
• Relationship difficulties, sexual insecurity or a lack of communication with your partner can also contribute to premature ejaculation

How can I control premature ejaculation?

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who’s going through it and you can do something about it.

It might seem too embarrassing to even think about but if you’re worried you should really talk to a doctor about it. You might be treated for a physical ailment, advised to try some techniques that will help you relax or referred on to counselling that will help with the problem.

Remember to try and relax and talk openly with your partner about everything you do in bed. Don't rush into sex, spend plenty of time on foreplay and even think about avoiding intercourse for a while so that you can stop stressing about the act itself and just enjoy being with your partner. Learning to recognise the moment of cumming (orgasming) and controlling the penis can help make sex last for longer.

Other techniques which can help

Stopping and starting

Try giving the Stop and Start technique a go (stopping stimulation or slowing down before cumming and then waiting until you're less excited) to help control excitement. You can try practising the stop start technique when you're masturbating to get confidence and then practice during sex.

The squeeze technique

You can also try the squeeze technique. Your partner squeezes the base of the penis when you feel you're about to cum (orgasm). Ask them to gently squeeze until the feeling of cumming has gone. Repeat this until you feel more in control during sex.

Masturbating before sex

Most people last longer if they have already orgasmed once so if you try masturbating before sex you may increase the time it takes for you to ejaculate during intercourse. However, while this may work in the short term it's less beneficial in the long term.

• Only a doctor can identify the causes of premature ejaculation and prescribe the most appropriate treatment

Remember that in the Republic of Ireland the legal age of sexual consent is 17, and in Northern Ireland it is 16.