Tips for managing stress as a young carer

Being a young carer can be rewarding. It often involves helping someone close to you meet their basic needs or participate in activities they might otherwise find difficult. Many young carers feel proud of their role and develop valuable life skills and perspectives that others at their life stage may not have. However, research shows that caring for someone close to you can also bring significant challenges, such as higher stress levels and an increased risk of depression.

Read more about some of the common causes of stress for young carers.

Young carers and mental health

Research shows that carers often experience higher levels of stress than those without caring responsibilities. While there are ways to adjust your thinking and behaviour to feel better, it’s important to remember that, as a young carer, you are not solely responsible for finding a “solution.” Caring can bring complex challenges, and many of them can be outside of your control.

Stress as a carer can be caused by:

• Societal and economic factors, such as limited services, inadequate support, and insufficient financial assistance for young carers and their families
• Difficulties managing multiple roles and expectations, like being a student, employee, friend, and young (adult) carer all at once
• Difficulties using the healthcare system, from accessing an early diagnosis to receiving appropriate medical and emotional support

How can I reduce young carers stress?

Below, you’ll find share practical ways to respond to common stressors associated with caregiving, including:

Feeling like you’re not meeting the “ideal” carer standard
Balancing caregiving with other aspects of life
Steps to manage stress early
Worries about the future
Experiencing hidden losses and grief

Although not covered in detail here, another common and equally impactful source of stress is financial strain. You can find more information about state financial support, such as Carer’s Allowance, in our dedicated article on the topic. You might also find it helpful to explore our article series on burnout, which can occur as a result of chronic stress.

Feeling like you’re not “living up to” the carer ideal

Society often describes young carers as selfless or inspirational, and it’s easy to absorb these messages without realising it. If you’ve internalised these ideas, you might be holding yourself to unsustainably high standards or expectations—both about the kind of relationship you should have with the person you’re caring for and how you think you should feel about this relationship.

It’s important to remember that there’s no such thing as the “perfect carer.” Instead of trying to reach perfection or meet unrealistic standards, consider aiming for “good enough.” If you’re experiencing difficult emotions like anger, guilt, or sadness, know that these feelings are normal. You can learn more about recognising, accepting, and understanding these emotions as meaningful signals in our articles on regulating emotions and managing difficult emotions.

Balancing caring with other life responsibilities

Many young carers juggle caring for parents, siblings, or other family members alongside studying and/or working. Regardless of where you are on the mental health spectrum right now, reaching out for support early can make a big difference. It’s especially important to seek help before everyday stressors build to a point where you feel overwhelmed. When daily demands go beyond your available time or energy for a long time, it can lead to stress and/or burnout, which can cause your level of emotional distress to rise.

Steps to manage young carers stress early

Your commitments and circumstances may make you more or less likely to experience stress at different life stages, transitions, or during significant events. While some stressful events and changes—like unexpected job loss—are impossible to predict, to manage stress it can be helpful to:

• Identify the areas where you’re likely to need the most support: Think about key aspects of your life, such as family, friends, health, education, or money that might benefit from extra support. For example, you might feel you need extra help at school or support with managing your workload
• Pinpoint when or under what circumstances you’re most likely to need support: Reflect on potentially stressful responsibilities or upcoming events—times when your life demands might exceed your available mental or physical energy. For instance, you may require additional educational support around significant exams, like the Leaving Cert
• Plan where to access this support in advance: Look into reliable sources of help, such as expert-validated online resources like spunout’s mental health information or the HSE’s My Mental Health Plan, to build a self-care or self-compassion practice before your emotional distress becomes intense. You could also explore support groups, e-learning courses and practical advice from organisations like Family Carers Ireland

Concerns about the future

It can be challenging to accept that you and the person you’re caring for may have less control over the future than you’d like. However, taking steps to care for your mental health—such as challenging your inner critic, practising self-care, and managing difficult emotions—can help you build resilience to cope with the uncertainty.

Planning ahead, even provisionally, and accessing support early and regularly can also ease the stress of coping with the potentially progressive or unpredictable nature of your family member’s illness or disability. Grounding exercises or mindfulness techniques can be valuable tools for managing moments of intense anxiety or overwhelm.

Hidden losses and grief as a source of young carers stress

Many young carers experience grief in response to losses, such as less time spent socialising and being able to spend time doing things they enjoy. As a young carer, you may not feel you can speak openly about this grief.

Feelings of loyalty

You might find it difficult to admit there are certain parts to your life you no longer have time for, like socialising, enjoying hobbies, or other meaningful activities outside the home. Doing so can feel disloyal or disrespectful to the person you’re caring for.
However, it’s important to recognise that it’s possible to acknowledge your grief while continuing to love and cherish the person you care for. Your grief is not about them as a person but often arises from a combination of the effects of illness or disability and the challenging life circumstances these bring. This is often made worse by the lack of enough social, cultural, and financial support.

Making sense of your grief

You might also find it hard to make sense of and accept these feelings. This can look like feeling sad, perhaps in response to certain situations or family events, without fully understanding why. These feelings can feel isolating or even frightening without recognition from those around you that loss and grief can be part of the caregiving experience for some people.

Normalising feelings of grief

When the losses you feel are openly acknowledged and understood, you may discover safe spaces to express your grief. To learn more about the wide range of emotions grief can bring and how to navigate the process, read our article on learning to live with grief. Although the article focuses on bereavement-related loss and grief, you may find some of the emotions and experiences described resonate with your own.

You can find out more information on the definition of young carer, as well as supports available for young carers, at the website of Family Carers Ireland.

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