I recognised my problems with alcohol early on
One SpunOut.ie volunteer talks about how they learned to manage their relationship with alcohol
This is an opinion of a young person and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of SpunOut.ie. It is one person's experience and may be different for you. If you'd like to write something for SpunOut.ie please contact email@example.com.
Drinking too much on nights out
I was 17 when I first started drinking on nights out, bar from having the odd sup here and there as a young teenager. When I began drinking early on I would say to myself beforehand to only drink to a certain point where I knew I had enough. That point came and went and with a few more shots later I’d be on the dirty floor of the club bathroom, barely able to walk and covered in my own vomit.
Getting into a state like that well, it’s not unheard of and is a pretty normal sight to see on a night out so I didn’t care. I wasn’t embarrassed and it was probably a good thing I remembered nothing from the night before.
The worst situation I’ve been in while drunk was while at a huge night out in town. I was anxious and hated the thoughts of having to see people I knew so I decided to drink as much as I could before hand. That night was… I don’t know, I can't remember and I'd rather not. What I did gather from coming in and out of consciousness was that I was on the floor of the girls toilets with my friends next to me panicking not knowing what to do. I remember someone shouting “She's not breathing!”.
I also remember not caring if I was breathing or not. I thought I was dead, or dying and I didn't care.
Looking at my drinking habits
Thankfully I didn’t have to get my stomach pumped but I was close. I hope that I will never be in a situation like that again. I felt terrible, not just physically but I felt ashamed and guilty that I had put my friends through something like that. They didn’t know what to do and were scared and I don’t blame them, it was my own fault.
I knew there was something not right with the way I was behaving and I saw the signs that if I were to continue on like this I could develop a serious drinking problem. I was using alcohol as a way to escape, to stop my mind from over thinking and just to forget everything. There are psychological issues there that I know would progress further if I kept going the way I was.
I now know my limits and I’ll pace myself on a night out. I still have those moments though where I’ll think ‘F*** it’ and have more but they have been few compared to all the great times I’ve had just enjoying myself with friends without getting blackout drunk. I am lucky though and I know other people have struggled worse with alcohol.
I’m just thankful that I can recognise the roots to my problem and from there work on improving my relationship with alcohol.