I think it is universally agreed that 2020 has not been the best of years, for some more than others. Thankfully I have not struggled too much with my mental health thanks to having parents who are relatively open-minded and reasonably comfortable when talking about mental health. They’re also not particularly strict by the standards of many African parents, which makes my experience more positive than a number of my friends. Nevertheless, from time to time, there have been issues that have affected me. This year in particular has been a gut punch and I have struggled numerous times this year.

Coping with lockdown

The COVID-19 Pandemic has had its challenges but perhaps most triggering for me, is that it doesn’t seem to have an end in sight. I had heard about some strange disease from China but I didn’t think much of it. In fact, when the pandemic hit Ireland properly around mid-march, I was actually very casual about it, even mildly ecstatic about the prospect of a small holiday. Many of my friends dreaded the prospect of a lockdown but I had no issues.  I was used to staying indoors for long stretches of time and so, it didn’t bother me.

Before lockdown the activities which helped my mental health  included going to the cinema, meeting up with friends, trying new meals, a bit of exercise from time to time and trying out something outside of my comfort zone. Since lockdown, I’ve replaced that with watching movies from home, trying out new cooking recipes with the aid of the internet, doing video calls, jogging around my house, and downloading a new language, to stimulate my sense of adventure. I also bought three games –chess, scrabble, monopoly to add to the collection of games I can play with my family. 

Avoiding unhelpful news updates

Ultimately, filling my day with a range of activities, as well as my academic work, made the days go by without issue. What I did not do was sit by my phone or television listening to rolling updates about the Coronavirus cases around the world. Myself and my family made it a point to sit and watch the evening news to be informed, but we did not follow every detail of the COVID-19 situation. I would look up what’s trending on social media to see if there’s any interesting information that I might have missed, otherwise I move on.

Focusing on what I can control

While that was a good decision on my part, I wouldn’t say that the decision was due specifically to any mental health concerns. It’s part of a wider pattern where I avoid giving myself sleepless nights on things I cannot change. I would often move on from a conversation or log out of Zoom if I’m having a discussion with someone and there’s no possible way to handle a situation. I am not someone that likes to dwell on things that I cannot change. I think people will live happier lives by focusing on areas that they can make progress on, rather than focusing on barriers and obstacles.

I’m very fortunate that I have a happy family. I think the crucial ingredient for me is that they are good at listening and offering non-judgemental advice. I think this is something we can all do to allow the people in our lives a space to talk and be heard. 

Many members of my extended family have been cut-off by my parents so that we, their children, can have a better life. I think young people should decide to surround themselves with people who can build them up and support them. 

Lifting restrictions and a new lockdown

All of the above, helped the first few months go by pretty easily. Nevertheless, as Summer approached, I started experiencing serious COVID fatigue. I started doing a lot more phone calls, WhatsApp chats and social media for longer. These were not just as a normal ‘check in.’ They helped to  get my mind off things. Many of the things I set up at the start of lockdown started to tire me but just at that point, restrictions were being eased and I was happy.

Focusing on our mental health going forward

Now, Ireland is in another lockdown and I couldn’t be more disheartened. I understand the reasoning, but I don’t know if the cost-benefit has been fully looked at. I think they need to take into account people’s mental health as well as things like domestic abuse. 

I am not a politician and I don’t have the answers. One thing I know for sure, the longer this drags out, the harder it will be for me to support my mental health and for my coping strategies to work. I think the same may be true for others. So we need continue to support each other and look after our mental health in ways that work for us. 

After three years in college, I have just graduated with a degree in English and History. Although I’m so grateful and excited to have reached this milestone, I initially had many fears about leaving the comforting routine of college and entering a world of uncertainty. Graduating is scary enough as it is but graduating during a worldwide pandemic brings fears and roadblocks I never imagined. However, accepting things as they are and letting go of expectation has helped me to change my mindset and regain some perspective.

Finishing college

For starters, my graduation day looked a lot different than I had always imagined. I walked by the graduation hall everyday during college and imagined the day I would be sitting there surrounded by friends, followed by a big celebration.  However, I ended up graduating from my couch with a few friends and got a virtual scroll. Despite this,  I still managed to make it a memorable day.

I also had many plans for my first year as a graduate, like volunteering at museums, taking up new hobbies, classes in my community and traveling. The silver lining to this unforeseen situation has given me a well needed reminder of life’s unpredictability. Things may not be working out as planned but that doesn’t mean they will never happen.

Adapting to the pandemic

I try to remind myself that these are all things I can do at a later stage. I don’t need to scrap my plans completely, I’ve just adapted them for now. I’ve been exploring more of Ireland, taking free online courses and teaching myself yoga from Youtube videos. These things have been keeping me busy and hopeful while searching for job opportunities. 

Entering the “real world” is daunting enough but job hunting in the midst of COVID can feel pretty disheartening. Sectors are changing, the unemployment rate is high, and we do not know how the virus will impact working life in the long run. Internships are being cancelled and job opportunities are slim. I try to remind myself that finishing college during lockdown means that I have experience with digital learning and this adaptability is something I believe employers will be looking for. 

Dealing with the uncertainty

I have been hoping to find a job in the arts and culture sector. But this industry is suffering so it’s caused me to keep an open mind about the positions I apply for. Instead of waiting for the situation to improve and that “dream job” to appear, I am imagining myself in different roles and other areas where I can apply my skills. These other jobs could end up being the stepping-stones that get me to where I want to be.  

Over time I have realised that these fears I have are familiar. I always feel this insecurity during times of change in my life. I remember feeling so overwhelmed and unprepared finishing school and starting college, but I adapted and eventually thrived. Its helpful to remind myself that although I may not have it all figured out now, I didn’t have it all figured out before the pandemic either.  To everyone in the same position as me, it’s okay to grieve the plans that could have been and to be anxious about the future. Cut yourself some slack and take it day by day. Appreciate how much you have achieved and use this as encouragement that you can adapt to whatever comes next. 

Every morning as I’m sipping a glass of orange juice and tucking in to breakfast, I scroll through social media pages, as I’m sure many of you do too. No matter if I’m super enthusiastic about the day ahead, or dreading whatever chores there are to come, I’m faced with the same messages. “Just be optimistic!”, “Look on the bright side!”, or “Positive vibes only!” Every time I see those overly cheerful exclamation marks I wonder who in this world really experiences nothing but positivity. Well, here’s my answer – no one. 

What is toxic positivity? 

Toxic positivity is when you pretend to yourself and/or others that you are happy and positive all the time, and feel no negative emotions whatsoever. Sounds wonderful in theory, but there are many issues with it. 

Toxic positivity and mental health

Firstly, it’s simply not possible to go through life with a smile on your face the entire time. We’re often thrown curveballs, and stress is an everyday factor for many people. Toxic positivity insists that any negative emotions be shut down or ignored, but I think this only makes us feel worse when those inevitable feelings come knocking. Hand in hand with this, it frames negativity as being optional and puts shame on people for experiencing understandable reactions, including those struggling with their mental health. Anxiety and depression become ignored. In other words, toxic positivity twists around the human emotional experience to a sweet apple with a bitter core.

It is linked to pushing away your emotions and hoping that they’ll go away. For example by saying “I’m fine” even if you’re not. Even though this is a coping mechanism short term, it can be harmful long term. Negative emotions build up, get bigger, and eventually can come out all at once. The danger here is that you could be overwhelmed by this sudden rush of feelings.

Being aware of toxic positivity is particularly important during the current pandemic. It is helpful to recognise the strange and confusing time that we are living in, instead of pretending to be unaffected. That way, you can better understand and manage your mood, as well as talk to others about how they feel too. 

Recognising your emotions

So, if toxic positivity is best avoided, is there an alternative?  Yes, and it comes in the form of validation and optimism. The key difference is that both of these acknowledge the negative. For example, instead of “Happiness is just a thought away!”, it’s more realistic to say “I can see how that’s so hard,” or “I’m here for you.” It’s about recognising and working through emotions in a practical and truthful way. Knowing that it’s “Ok not to be ok”, to replace one clichéd phrases with another. Remember, you can experience a combination of emotions all at once – positive and negative, one or the other.  

Keeping things in perspective

The trouble for many of us is that we are unaware of our toxic positivity. Hopefully by reading this article you are taking the first step to being more aware of your own toxic positivity. Talk to your friends and see if they’ve had any experiences with social media and toxic positivity. According to Mark Manson, an American self-help author, “Emotions serve a purpose: they are your brain’s way of telling you something good or bad is happening in your life. They are feedback. Aaaaaand that’s about it.” Being aware of how you feel can help you to think about the cause of those feelings, and keep things in perspective. I know that when I’m aware of my mood and feelings, for example anxiety, it can help reduce its impact because I realise all of a sudden that things aren’t as bad as they first seemed. 

So, I’ll leave you with another interesting quote from Mark Manson that just about sums up this whole article – “The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”

Like many people right now, I’ve recently started working from home. Not only is this a new experience in itself for me, but it’s also a brand-new job. I’d already heard of people struggling to adapt to this situation – lacking motivation, getting easily distracted – but up until now, while in my old retail job, I thought these were silly complaints.

As it turns out, I’ve already begun to see these signs in myself. I’m already much less motivated than I was a few weeks ago, and sometimes I struggle to maintain focus. The routine of getting up and getting a bus to work, as tiring as it was at times, was also what woke me up and got me into “work mode”. Now, the lines between relaxation and work are beginning to blur. These are some tips I’ve found useful over the past few weeks to keep myself motivated:

Keep your workspace tidy

I think there’s nothing more demoralising than mess. If you can try to keep your work area clean and tidy, it could have a massive impact on how you feel mentally. You could even try to decorate a little with lots of bright colours – although, nothing too distracting – or scented candles.

Avoid sitting in one room all day

If your work allows you to do so, move to the sofa for an hour here or there, or even try to sit outside if it’s a nice day. This will help to keep your brain active and awake, rather than sitting in the same position all day. It’s best to keep your workspace far away from where you sleep if possible, so that you can mentally separate ‘work time’ from relaxation time, and then you can wind down more easily at night. It will also allow you time to stretch and move which is so important for your muscles and posture. This brings me to my next point.

Move as much as you can

Being in one position all day, especially if it’s hunched over a laptop, can be really bad for your body and back. It can lead to cramping, or just discomfort in general. If you can, make the effort during breaks and downtime to move around, stretch, and go for walks in the fresh air. It’ll be incredibly beneficial for you and your body and will help to avoid burnout. Taking up hobbies such as gentle yoga or jogging might also be a good idea.

Interact with people 

Keep in touch with friends and family, try to have conversations here and there. Group work and conference calls can be great, but face to face interaction – within social distancing guidelines, of course – can be good for your mental health and can help greatly with motivation.

Eat healthy and try not to snack on junk foods

When you’re just sitting around the house, it can be easy to overeat or even miss meals when you don’t have a schedule. Try to come up with a balanced food plan, and make sure you’re eating breakfast, lunch and dinner each day. Snack on healthy items like nuts or fruit throughout the day to keep your energy levels up.

Open the window, get some fresh air

This is a small thing that I’ve noticed can improve my mood drastically when I’ve been sitting in one room on my laptop all day. Let the air in and take deep breaths, improving your environment and ensuring that you’re not sitting in a room with stale air for hours on end.

Look online for more tips

There are plenty of resources only that can help you make the most of your time at home. From yoga and stretching videos, to working from home tips. 

These simple tips can work wonders on your mood and motivation while working at home. Personally, I’ve noticed a huge difference in myself since following them. If, like me, you’ve been struggling to adapt to working from home, don’t forget that you’re not alone. Lots of us are in the same boat, and if you make sure to look after yourself, things can get a little bit easier day by day.

Long before the “Social Dilemma” documentary was released on Netflix, I had questioned my interactions with social media. I was dependent on my social media, like a new-born child depends on their parents for love and nurture. It sounds incredibly alarming when put it like so, but that was the enormity of the problem. 

Looking at how I use social media

After some deep reflection and ample amounts of denial, I finally decided to say I had a problem with my social media use. I was engaging in this particular activity every day and unfortunately in my opinion it was remarkably unhealthy. The problem is, from a young age many Generation Z-er’s and Millennials were being drip fed technology and social media, whether it was making your first Bebo account or adding a friend from school on Facebook.

After some time, I came across Jaron Lanier (who happens to be in the ‘Social Dilemma’) and viewed some videos of his where he voices his concerns about social media. It struck a chord with me. His message was simple and basically stated that social media is beginning to help create a dystopian society. This coupled with problems I encountered on various social media applications ultimately led me to my decision –  deleting social media.  

Deleting my social media accounts

I deleted Twitter around this time last year and ever since I have not looked back. I found this platform to be incredibly negative. It was a vicious cycle. Partner calls out partner for cheating in relationship, trolling, football updates, more relationship drama ending up on my feed from halfway across the world, transfer rumours, and foolish and irresponsible tweets from the President of the United States, Donald Trump. I had enough. I could get my football fix somewhere else. For me, I was suffering from an information overload. A lot of this information was meaningless and unimportant but when looking at it together in one sitting, it was too much for my brain to handle. 

I believed that ingesting vast amounts of the ‘right’ information was making me more knowledgeable about current affairs. However, experts in the field tell a different story. For example, Daniel Levitin, a cognitive psychologist, and the author of the bestseller “The Organized Mind,” said, “The modern brain has not evolved to keep up.” “That’s why we feel so exhausted all the time.” Exhausted is perhaps an understatement.  

Facebook

Facebook does not have the greatest of reputations. Cambridge Analytica and its impact on the 2016 US Presidential Election or the spreading off fake news which provoked a genocide in Myanmar to name but a few. My breaking point with Facebook was during the lockdown. Going back the years into my youth Facebook was really my first social media account and the first of my peers. However, Generation Z-er’s and Millennials have since grown out of Facebook.

As the pandemic progressed Facebook became a place where everyone was free to express their ideas and thoughts on the pandemic. From absurd conspiracy theories to pages organising anti-government protests, it was chaos. The ever-increasing amount of fake news and information on the site aggravated me. Coupled with the fact Facebook was my main social media as a teenager, it meant lots of posts of myself that may not be the most beneficial to my job prospects. One example being a semi-naked ice bucket challenge as a naive 17-year-old. It was time for deactivation. 

Instagram

Instagram, in my opinion, is the most addictive social media platform. Maybe, the most dangerous. Unlike Twitter and Facebook, I have not deleted my account, but simply deleted the application from my phone over a month ago. Is this a sign of how addictive it is? That I know sometime in the future I will return to Instagram. Once again, the lockdown played its part in how I started to view Instagram differently. I believe the biggest problem with Instagram is how it makes us believe that what people post are the standards our lives must be. Instagram causes us to set unrealistic goals in every department of life.

University of Pennsylvania researcher Melissa Hunt demonstrated this effect in her 2018 research on social media, depression and loneliness. She wrote, when viewing someone else’s curated life online, it’s easy to see their perfect pictures and think their lives are better than yours.” For example, when you see someone from your hometown becoming an international star it can be difficult to not feel somewhat inadequate and perhaps develop notions that you yourself could pursue a similar career. Absolute notions. Instagram is a notion facilitator. However, since deleting the Instagram app and avoiding using it, I’ve become content with my boring, repetitive pandemic life.  

Make a break from your social media

If you do go ahead and do this, the first few weeks will be difficult. I recently checked my usage statistics on my phone for the last seven days. My phone took up 21% of my time, and this was without the aforementioned apps. Therefore, planning ahead what to do with your time is essential. They can be easily accessible tasks like, learning a new language on Duolingo, beginning a free online course, reading a book, or trying to master the art of playing a musical instrument. Why not make a change and break away from the norm of social media? It could be the most refreshing the decision you ever make. 

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of talking about gender identity in schools is awkwardness. Not because it’s an awkward topic, nothing could be further from the truth in my mind, but because in my experience it is so rarely spoken about that people don’t know how to.

Just last week I was asked for the first time ever what my gender pronouns are. I was so shocked by the question that it took me a few moments to register what was actually being asked.

The real question is why it has taken twelve years in the education system for me to have an opportunity to answer, and I think that isn’t at all unusual for Ireland’s students.  For both pupils and members of staff, talking about gender identity needs to be normalised in schools across the country.. 

What are the gender identities?

To start talking more openly about gender identities, it’s helpful to know a bit more about them. Most people are only ever taught about cisgender and transgender identities, but there are so many more. Some, but nowhere near all, are: 

  1. Gender fluid: moving between two or more gender identities
  2. Non-binary: their gender identity lies outside of the gender binary of male/female, or man/woman
  3. Agender: A person who does not identify with any gender
  4. Genderqueer: Anyone with non-binary gender identities

You can learn more about gender identities in SpunOut.ie’s A-Z of gender identities.

It can also be helpful to know the difference between gender identity and gender expression. This is something that has never been taught to me in school. According to verywellmind.com, “A person’s gender identity is their internal sense of themselves as male, female, or an alternative gender” and “gender expression is how a person externally expresses their gender identity.”

No education leads to tension

I think that the source of some students’ and staff members’ awkwardness is really caused by not being educated. It’s understandable that not understanding the terms or not knowing which to use can be embarrassing to some. I don’t think that individuals can be criticised for not knowing, but the school system certainly can, particularly when “SPHE is intended to provide particular opportunities to foster the personal development, health and well-being of the child and to help him or her to create and maintain supportive relationships and become an active and responsible citizen in society” according to education.ie. 

As I see it, not being educated on the topic leads to embarrassment, which leads to some people being either being mean and defensive, or to conversations about gender identity being swept under the rug. 

What can you do?

Educate yourself

So, how can you help? The simple answer is to educate yourself. Wouldn’t you feel more relaxed talking about gender identity if you knew some basic information about it? There are lots of resources online that you can use, including the A-Z of gender identities on SpunOut.ie, and websites like Teen Talk , LGBT Ireland and Transgender Equality Network Ireland . 

Make an effort to learn about and use someone’s correct gender pronouns. It is just about respect. Spread the word to friends and family and start addressing gender identity. There are so many social media content creators, particularly on TikTok, who don’t answer to traditional cisgender labels. Search the hashtags #queer, #trans or #enby to discover their accounts and educate yourself. 

Push for better education in schools

I think that encouraging people to take the initiative on educating themselves is awesome. That said, we don’t have equality in schools and that needs to change. According to a 2019 Irish Examiner article, guidance for Catholic schools issued by the Vatican “Rejects the idea of people self-declaring their gender.” Do Something (https://www.dosomething.org/us) is an organisation that encourages young people to campaign for causes they believe in, and change.org is a good tool to start free petitions. UNICEF Ireland is another group that promotes young voices. Talking to your principal or local TD about making positive changes in your school can help too.  

We can also encourage the use of gender neutral terms in schools too. For instance, do you know what the gender neutral form of Mr./Ms. is? It’s Mx. (Pronounced “Mix”). Based on what I’ve seen in my school, I’m not sure that teachers would feel safe using this title. Gender identity is hardly mentioned in our SPHE classes and lots of students are uneducated on the subject. Like LGBTI+ sex education, students are left to educate themselves. On top of this, schools don’t openly offer alternatives to Mr./Ms. for their staff. It would be a positive step to encourage teachers to use these terms. 

By educating yourself you can help to make schools a much more welcoming place for everyone, which is something that I believe all students and staff would appreciate. I’ll leave you with the words of Sam Smith, and I hope they encourage you to join the fight for equality and respect – “You do not identify in a gender. You are just you.” 

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of thirteen when my immune system reacted abnormally to a virus and started mistakenly attacking itself. Rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disease where my immune system attacks my joints and the surrounding areas meaning I get a lot of pain, fatigue and swelling throughout my body. This diagnosis turned my whole world upside down. I went from a bubbly, active and busy person to not being able to get out of bed without screaming in agony. It was a tough time in my life coming to grips with the fact that I had a stigmatised “old person’s disease” for life when I wanted nothing more than to be normal and fit in with my peers. 

The last few years since diagnosis have been a rollercoaster of setbacks, achievements and loss. I have gotten multiple complications and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) to name a few. I have relapsed, had flare-ups of my condition and have had medications stop working. Having a compromised immune system means I get a lot of infections. This means a lot of hospital appointments, blood tests, trips to the GP and A&E. As well as that I have had four surgeries in the space of a little over a year in my second home Tallaght Hospital. But if you were to look at me you’d never think all of this is happening to me. 

Dealing with a disability that no one can see

Arthritis affects more than my health and has spilled into all areas of my life including education, work and my social life. The stark reality of a chronic illness really opened my eyes to the inequalities I faced compared to my peers as the statistics are stacked against people with disabilities. I found both school and college particularly challenging as I don’t have the same playing field as my peers as I am constantly in and out of hospital, going home sick or not being able to concentrate in class due to fatigue and pain. Access to disability resources can also be a challenge when you have an invisible disability. I find it difficult to avail of resources such as a disabled toilet or car parking space as the looks I receive are unbearable at times. Even though my disability is valid, it’s invisible to others. 

However, like many illnesses, arthritis in younger people is generally an invisible condition, as what’s happening is completely internal. Over the years, I have always found it difficult to explain how severe my pain and fatigue was when people asked, or how much it affects my mental health and quality of life. Daily tasks like hoovering, waiting for the bus or doing college work can cripple my fatigue levels and make day to day life difficult to plan as my condition fluctuates. This means there are days when I feel like I can move mountains, and days where I’m not able to get out of bed. So I take the good and bad days as they come.

Invisible Disability Ireland

I founded Invisible Disability Ireland back in 2019 as a way to increase awareness and understanding for invisible disabilities. We need to challenge the perception of disability as the majority of disabilities have hidden impairments. On the page, I share people’s stories and raise awareness about multiple conditions. Most importantly the page supports others going through the same thing. It helps in knowing they are not alone and that thousands of people across Ireland are living with invisible conditions too. Although the universal symbol of disability is a wheelchair, disabilities comes in all different shapes and sizes.  

My advice for young people with invisible illnesses

It has taken many years for me to begin talking about my condition comfortably and opening up about it. Illnesses can often be a grieving process as you begin to come to terms with everything that has happened. Although there are days where you feel like giving up or have lost faith, it’s important to reach out, be it to your medical team, friends or family. Having the support of someone is a massive part of how I cope with what’s going. No one should go through illness alone. My advice is to take a step back, put everything in perspective and try to focus on the positives in your life. Illness is a lifelong journey that you must continually adapt to and make the best out of what’s been given to you. 

Visit Invisible Disabilities Ireland 

An Open Letter to Ministers Norma Foley and Simon Harris

Dear Ministers,

I am a member of the Leaving Certificate class of 2019 and I write to you to express my frustration as a result of the Calculated Grades system. I had hoped to study medicine in 2019 but did not receive enough points to gain entry. Therefore I opted to repeat the HPAT in hopes that my Leaving would carry through and I could secure a place in 2020. What transpired however, was completely unexpected. Although I believe the decision to opt for calculated grades was understandable, I don’t think your way of arranging them was in any way acceptable or fair.

Not a level playing field

The Leaving Certificate has never been without its flaws. Students every year narrowly miss out on their first choice on the CAO and this year was no different. Personally, after receiving a good HPAT score, I missed out due to random selection in the end. This was heartbreaking to know that even with hard work, a lottery ultimately decided my future.

However, the problem was that it wasn’t a level playing field. I wasn’t competing with my equals. I was attempting to get into a high-demand course against competitors with grades that are on average 4.4% stronger than my own. There was absolutely no way I stood a chance among them. The class of 2019 and years before, have had our futures compromised with no regard from your government. I understand that we’re a minority but our merits should not be discounted because we didn’t get to receive calculated grades.

Unforeseen risks

Every year points vary depending on the demand of the course. It can be argued that choosing to reapply this year always included risks. This year however no one could have predicted what happened. The points increased significantly among most courses, with many courses using random selection to decide who got to enter.

This is not usual. It is not usual that courses where candidates who got an almost perfect Leaving Cert, were not guaranteed entry, such as Dentistry in UCC which soared to 613 points and still went to random selection. How could any of us applying from previous years ever stand to compete against a cohort which presented grades much stronger than ours?

Difficult to move on from this

It is easy for those who did not know anyone applying to college or further education this year to say that missing out on a college place isn’t the end of the world, but how can we move on knowing that we were not treated fairly and that as a result, some of us aren’t able to advance to the careers we have dreamed of. It is easy to dismiss us and say try again next year, but my message to you Ministers is that we shouldn’t have to. We should not have been pushed aside and forgotten about. The system was allegedly designed to be fair but this year only highlighted the true fragility and ruthlessness of the Leaving Certificate.

To anyone reading this, please remember even though you may have moved on with your lives, we most certainly haven’t. Now for some of us, we have been forced to try again next year against a backdrop of uncertainty or have opted for another course. We should not have had to do this. The government should have put in place a method of ensuring equality to candidates from previous years and although it may seem too late now, it is not too late for the government to rectify their mistake and give us justice.

Yours sincerely,

Jessica Prendergast

On the 7th of April 2014, I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. It was an ordinary day and I was getting ready for school. I felt completely normal, although a bit nervous, as I was going to be in a debating competition the following day. I was not aware of anything wrong until I opened my eyes and saw my GP and a paramedic standing over me. What followed were three days of poking and prodding, scanning and screening, that passed by in a dull haze. By the end of those three days, my diagnosis was confirmed, and I returned to the world greatly changed.  

Learning more about Epilepsy

Epilepsy is probably the most common seizure disorder, with about 40,000 living with it in Ireland. It can affect the whole brain, or it can affect specific parts of the brain. It may be caused by genetic or structural issues with the brain, or there may be no obvious explanation at all. The type I have is called generalised idiopathic Epilepsy, meaning most of my seizures affect my entire brain and, as of yet, no one knows why I get them.

An Epileptic seizure

A seizure is an unusually large discharge of electricity in the brain that can cause a number of symptoms. We have all seen frightening examples of seizures on TV programmes, where the person suddenly falls to the ground in a state of unconsciousness, jerking violently and foaming at the mouth. This is called a tonic-clonic seizure and is what I suffered on that April morning. They are distressing to witness and can be very dangerous. Indeed, the last time I had one, I dislocated my shoulder, was bruised all over my body and burst the blood vessels in my eyelids. It is certainly the classic idea of a seizure. However, it is simply one of many. 

Like the types of Epilepsy, seizures can affect the whole brain or only certain parts of it. Another example is an absence seizure, which  is a less aggressive and more subtle type of seizure. With these, the person suddenly becomes unaware of anything happening around them for a short period of time. I know now that I had been having this type of seizure since I was a child. A focal seizure is different in that it is localised in one part of the brain. In my experience, I have mild focal seizures that cause sudden changes to my senses of smell and taste. For example, I may suddenly taste something bitter in my mouth or smell something sweet when there is nothing there to cause that. They are hallucinations brought on by the seizures. Honestly, I find these very interesting. 

Growing up with Epilepsy

Epilepsy presented me with many challenges that I was not equipped to deal with at 17. At 23, I am far more experienced, but it has been a long road. The side effects of the disease, as well as the medication and the stresses of being a teenager, led to some hard years. I sank to depths of depression that I did not know how to escape. I have bodily exhaustion that has never left me, but which I can better disguise now. I was doing my Leaving Cert year in the months that followed my diagnosis. I was trying to come to terms with having an illness I’d have for the rest of my life, as well as adjusting to the routinely changing medications, which often disagreed with me and caused mood swings. My memories of this time are not fond. 

Needing more support

Looking back now, it is quite clear that I needed far more support than I got. However, at the time, there was never even a suggestion that I might need help. I do not know why I was effectively told to manage this illness on my own. It could be because of the lack of funding and structural problems with our health service. Or maybe there are still so many questions to answer about treating Epilepsy and other neurological illnesses. 

A lot of the time, I felt that my doctors were just throwing different medications and dosages at me to find a combination that worked tolerably well, without taking into account the major psychological effects that this diagnosis had on me. Of course, their primary goal had to be controlling the seizures, but I was offered no guidance on coping with such a big change. Things may have been better for me if this had not been the case. Truthfully, I’m not even sure what would have helped. 

Invisible illnesses can be lonely

Receiving a diagnosis is a very lonely experience. I don’t blame the people around me for not understanding how difficult it was. However, I think I would have had an easier time adjusting if people had some sort of frame of reference of what I was experiencing, and if I was given support to come to terms with it. A less pressured environment during the Leaving Cert would have been a major help in my recovery.

My advice for anyone with Epilepsy 

My life is quite different now. I have just finished a master’s degree. I understand the causes of my seizures and work to minimise my risk. Fatigue and stress are the main two. I became a secondary school teacher, a profession in which I feel I can avoid these. For me, it is all about  working hard to minimise your risk.

The number one best thing you can do in my opinion is to take your medication, and notifying your doctor if your medication’s side effects are becoming too harmful. Beyond that, it really is a process of adjusting your life to incorporate Epilepsy, rather than allowing it to take over your life. A neurological disease, like Epilepsy, can be debilitating and take people to dark places, but it will not hinder me anymore, and I pray that others in my situation may find the same comfort.

Mental health covers many different issues, from stress and loneliness, to more serious conditions like depression. For men specifically, our mental health has become a keen area of focus over the last ten years. The conversation is usually shaped around the importance of talking to our friends about our emotions, and moving away from the idea of the strong and silent man. However, if we want to encourage men, young and old, across Ireland to look after their mental health then we need to understand how we got to this point.

Opening up about emotions

For me, part of the problems is how young men are desensitised emotionally from an early age. We view the ability to bear pain and discomfort as qualities that are always admirable and sought after. It can be seen on the sports pitch, where players, despite being injured and in pain, are committed to carrying on. They need to show that they are tough, that they are strong and able to endure more than anyone else. These physical attitudes inevitably bleed into the psychological. How can you be open about your emotions when for so long the message has been that tolerating your pain in silence is to be praised?

Language around mental health

The language used to discuss mental health is also massively important. Yes we need to change the perceptions around mental health. However, are we equipped with the language to articulate our feelings? Culturally, we still carry the weight of behaviours built up over decades and generations. It is one thing to encourage men to talk about our mental health, but do we sometimes overlook the ways in which men communicate with each other. If we want men to feel more secure articulating their emotions, I think we need to equip them with the language needed for them to be express themselves, in a way that they are comfortable.

The phrase “Toxic Masculinity” has been coined to describe the aspects of masculinity that can have a damaging effect on both the individual and those around them. Often this phrase ends up being pounced on by those who claim there is a war on men carried out by “woke” social media users. I think that this tends to be a deliberate misreading of the points being made. There is no war against men, but what we are seeing is an attempt to examine how unrealistic expectations of men can lead to them being both the victims and perpetrators of damaging behaviours.

Education and empathy

As a society, we have seen a massive shift in our attitudes towards so many different issues. When it comes to mental health though we need to need more than slogans if we want to see real and lasting change. When trying to undo the damage caused by years of negative reinforcement, we need to offer people a way to look after their mental health in a positive and supportive environment.

For a young person today, who has adults in their lives who are not equipped to work through their own emotions, and lacks the ability to show young people a better way, it can feel overwhelming. It is a pattern that can stretch back over generations and it cannot be undone overnight.

Ultimately, I think the key to breaking that pattern is through education and empathy. That does not absolve anyone of the damage their actions have caused, but if you want to solve a problem you need to understand it. As young men we go through a variety of experiences that leave us ill equipped to manage the stresses of everyday life and overwhelmed when faced with its most extreme moments.

I have struggled to understand my emotions and behaviours at times, most of the time without even being aware of it. It can feel as if it is built into you, programmed into your brain. That does not need to be the case. Our capacity for change is enormous and with that it will always be possible to free ourselves from the expectations of the past.

As someone who questioned their gender and sexuality for years, I am aware of how important labels are for someone. But honestly, not having a label for yourself can be just as important.

Being open with who I am

From the age of 13 to 19, I was constantly questioning myself. I experimented with my sexuality and gender for years, constantly looking for the label that fitted me best. It got to the point where I just wasn’t being authentically me. Cliché, I know, but it’s true. I was pushing myself to be the person who people perceived me as, rather than just being myself.

I identified as FTM transgender for about four years until fairly recently. When I started identifying as trans, I poured my heart and soul into appearing masculine. I ditched dresses and skirts (not that I particularly liked them, anyways). I just wanted to appear as a stereotypical male. It felt as though I was playing a role, rather than just being myself. I felt I couldn’t talk to people about it. I didn’t know any trans people and felt that my friends wouldn’t understand how I was feeling. 

Clothes really played a large role for my gender identity. Wearing hoodies and loose jeans made me feel masculine and comfortable. I saw ‘girly’ clothes such as dresses, leggings, etc as something I just couldn’t wear while I was identifying as male. Once I let go of the idea that I needed to be as masculine as possible, a fog lifted. I began (albeit very rarely) wearing skirts and tight pants, and felt like myself for the first time in a long time. As I allowed myself to be more open with my clothes choices, I began feeling more open with myself. I had let my identity consume me, and as I started letting myself just do and wear what I wanted, it genuinely felt incredible. 

LGBTI+ young people in rural Ireland

Coming from the west of Ireland unfortunately meant that, at the time, there was nowhere for me to go for support. I didn’t know many adults I could  talk to about my gender and sexuality. This made ‘finding myself’ incredibly difficult. I had younger LGBTI+ people coming to me for support and advice as, like me, they had no one to turn to. Thankfully, I had a very supportive older cousin who helped me get binders and other things that helped me feel more comfortable with myself.

If you don’t have a supportive person in your life, there’s many organisations who can support you, give advice, and help you find support groups near you. Transgender Equality Network Ireland (TENI) and BeLonG To are two organisations that help LGBTI+ young people. I found the people at TENI to be incredibly helpful at a time when I needed help.

Thankfully, in recent years, Ireland as a whole has gotten much more accepting and supportive, which can be seen in the opening of LGBTI+ support and drop-in centres, many of which are still holding meetings and drop-ins via Zoom. More people are comfortable coming out to friends and family, and there’s support for those whose family and friends don’t accept them.

Supportive friends 

Once I got to college, things became much easier. People were much more understanding, and I have endless support from my friends. Around April or May, when I let people know that I don’t really identify as trans anymore, and that I’m still figuring out who I am. I had an influx of messages of endless support from my friends. I’m not sure if they know how much that meant to me, but it was exactly what I needed. I needed to know that it was okay to not have a label for myself. 

At the end of the day, we’re all just people. We’re all different and unique, and that’s beautiful. You don’t need to label who you are if it doesn’t make you happy. You can take as much time as you need to find your label, and it’s so important to remember that you have no obligation to stick with it; people change. You can just be you, and that’s more than enough.

Being a close contact means being within two meters of someone who has tested positive for COVID-19 for more than 15 minutes. It also includes people you live or sleep with, people you share a kitchen or bathroom with, or sexual partners.

How will I know if I am a close contact of someone who has COVID-19?

Currently, people are only required to list people they live with as close contacts if they:

If you fall into those categories, you will be notified by the HSE via text message and they will let you know what to do next.

Otherwise, someone may tell you directly that they have tested positive for COVID-19 if they had been in contact with you recently, but you will not be notified by the HSE unless you live with them and fall into the categories above.

What to do if you are a close contact 

For the majority of 16-25 year olds , if you are a close contact for COVID-19 and you have no symptoms, you no longer legally need to restrict your movements. However, if you are at very high risk or high risk of serious illness from COVID-19, you should take extra care to watch out for symptoms and if you develop any symptoms of COVID-19, get a PCR test as soon as possible.

I am a close contact with symptoms of COVID-19

If you have any symptoms of COVID-19, even mild ones, you should:

Do these even if you completed your first round of COVID-19 vaccination, had a booster, or had COVID-19 in the past.

I think I’m a close contact but I haven’t been contacted by the HSE

If you think you are a close contact of someone who has tested positive for COVID-19 but you haven’t received a text message from the HSE yet, you will need to follow the same advice surrounding close contacts above.

Currently, the HSE are only contacting people who live with someone who has tested positive for COVID-19 and they:

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