Why respect in a sexual relationship is so important

Ruth talks about why respect is so important and how to talk opening about it with your partner

Written by Ruth Carey


“I want you to feel useless baby, that’s right every bad boy should”

Yeah, Rizzle Kicks may be representing the mantra of some boys (and girls!), but unless you want to damage your self-esteem, you shouldn’t be the one to have to deal with disrespect in sexual relationships. Whether it’s a hurricane of love-making on a night out or a long term and intimate relationship, respect in sex should always be foremost by both (or all) persons involved.

So what is disrespectful sex? Well, it changes from person to person. There are no set of “do’s and don’ts” when it comes to the bedroom, take a look at 50 shades! That seems to break all the boundaries, but hey, some like it hot. No, disrespectful sex arises when one (or more ) partner doesn’t “like it like that”(or something along those lines) and their wishes are not adhered to. Everyone has values and boundaries when they walk down the street. Just because someone’s lying in the bed next to you doesn’t mean they can break those boundaries.

Is respect important in sex? I ask myself if that can even be considered a question. Respect in the bedroom is one of the most important aspects of love-making. Without it, it can’t be fully enjoyed by both partners, and may leave one with a lowered self-esteem, a damaged sense of self-worth and perhaps physical complexities (Not nice). Of course you’ll have the people who think they are above respecting their partners, but if we were to do a little role reversal, I don’t think they’d be too happy.

Of course we can all lose the run of ourselves in the heat of the moment, but it is important to let your partner know when they’ve crossed the line. If you’re in a long-term sexual relationship-even if it’s on a casual basis- it might be a good idea to sit down with each other and highlight the main “what’s hot and what’s not” in the bedroom, or y’know, wherever else you’re into. (And NO I am not suggesting you write a constitution, just the basics!)

If unprotected sex is an issue it might be a good idea for both partners to go for an STI screening. You may also want to look into alternative forms of contraception ( the pill, the bar, etc) if you’re not planning on having a little baba. Don’t forget, no form of contraception is 100% effective. If you do have major pregnancy worries, it might be best to let Johnny have you covered. And remember, safe sex is great sex!

To sum up, when you’re getting all hot and bothered with another, don’t forget to take their wishes into consideration. If a partner is having difficulty in respecting your boundaries, a common middle-ground must be established. If not, maybe you’re just not suited for each other. Not trying to destroy any relationships here or anything, it’s just really important you feel respected in bed. We have enough put-downs in life, your sex life shouldn’t be one of them. If you’re feeling emotionally abused in a sexual relationship you should check out this article, and for physical abuse give this article a look. Remember guys it takes two to tango. It also takes two to make love. Respect should work both ways, so let’s keep it democratic to keep it fantastic!

Watch SpunOut.ie's video on sexual respect here:

Our work is supported by