Research shows that people with higher levels of self-compassion tend to be less anxious and depressed. You can learn to practise self-compassion regardless of your current physical or mental health. Whether you’re looking to mind your well-being or recover from a stressful event or ongoing mental health condition, practising self-compassion can be beneficial.

What is self-compassion?

While people may think of self-compassion in different ways, self-compassion is generally understood as the commitment to care for yourself during difficult times. Self-compassion means being kind to yourself when going through difficult situations, instead of blaming yourself. Some people may have negative views about self-compassion because they believe it is about being overly kind to yourself and can lead to laziness. However, it is possible to achieve your goals without harsh self-criticism. Self-compassion can help you to be more empathetic towards yourself, understand your problems and find positive solutions to help resolve them.

What is the difference between self-compassion and self-kindness?

While self-kindness involves speaking gently and warmly to yourself, self-compassion has many different aspects.

These aspects include:

• Actively caring about your distress and responding to it with warmth
• Recognising that others also go through difficult times and that you’re not alone but connected to others through shared struggles
• Acknowledging your pain rather than avoiding or exaggerating it

Self-compassion goes beyond just being kind to yourself. It includes practical steps like:

• Acknowledging difficult emotions and pain
• Reflecting on these emotions to make sense of them
• Choosing a helpful, non-harmful response

By doing this, you can avoid unintentionally increasing your pain in response to difficult situations. Choosing harmful coping mechanisms like avoidance or substance misuse to numb pain may help you cope in the short term. However, it is likely to make you more distressed in the long term.

Six reasons to practise self-compassion

Practising self-compassion can offer a range of benefits, such as:

• Increases self-acceptance: Over time, self-compassion can reduce the number of harsh judgments you make about yourself and help to bring about a greater sense of self-acceptance
• Reduces overthinking: By being more connected with yourself, you may become less likely to overthink and dwell on negative thoughts
• Reduces symptoms of anxiety and low mood: Practising self-compassion regularly can relieve feelings of anxiety and depression, helping to improve your overall emotional well-being
• Builds resilience: Self-compassion strengthens your ability to cope with challenges and setbacks, making it easier to bounce back from stressful situations
• Promotes physical health: Self-compassion is linked to improved physical wellbeing. Feeling more self-compassionate can encourage you to take care of your basic needs, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly. You are more likely to mind yourself during challenging times when you value your own well-being
• Improves relationships: Many of the skills learned in practising self-compassion also apply to your relationships with others. When you treat yourself with compassion, it becomes easier to show that compassion to others, leading to healthier and more positive relationships

What stops people from being self-compassionate?

People can feel reluctant to be self-compassionate for many reasons, such as:

• Fear of losing motivation: Some feel that being compassionate towards themselves will make them “lazy”, and worry that without self-criticism, they won’t be motivated to get things done. However, practising self-compassion is unlikely to lead to laziness or loss of motivation
• Fear of becoming less successful: Many people fear that becoming less self-critical (and more self-compassionate) will lead to decreased performance at school, work or other core areas of their life. They believe that self-criticism is necessary to push themselves toward goals and achievements
• Fear of being ‘weak’ or ‘self-indulgent’: Some people may feel pressure from their cultural or social environment, where self-compassion is not valued or is misunderstood, making it harder to practice. Self-compassion may be seen as a sign of weakness or something that makes a person look less capable or tough compared to those who seem to get by without it
• Difficult to practise in distress: During moments of intense anxiety or low mood, shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion can feel almost impossible
• Lack of familiarity: For some, self-compassion might feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable because they haven’t been taught or encouraged to treat themselves less critically, making it difficult to know where to start

While these barriers may seem challenging at first, they can come from mistaken beliefs about what self-compassion is. By learning more about self-compassion and its many benefits, you may begin to feel more motivated to give it a try.

How to practise self-compassion

One size does not fit all, so you may benefit more from practising self-compassion if you choose an approach that fits your needs and cultural background.

Generally, there are two main approaches to self-compassion:

• Mindful Self-Compassion Techniques: This approach makes use of mindfulness-based practices and encourages tuning into your emotions, taking a more balanced, less critical view of yourself, and recognising that you’re not alone in facing challenges
• Compassion Focused Therapy: This approach teaches people to develop the courage to confront distressing life events and learn kinder ways of responding to them

A recent study involving young people aged 14-24 found that many prefer self-compassion practices aimed at reducing self-criticism, rather than just increasing self-kindness. Self-criticism often involves harsh or disparaging thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I’m not good enough.”

If you are interested in finding a psychotherapist or other qualified mental health professional with experience of compassion-focused therapies, visit our factsheet on how to access private counselling or psychotherapy. If cost is a barrier, it is also possible to learn to practise self-compassion on your own. Resources like those provided by Positive Psychology may be helpful. You can find tips below on how to challenge your self-critical voice and gain greater self-awareness, both key to developing self-compassion.

How to challenge your inner critic

• Recognise when your self-critical voice appears: This can help prevent you from over-identifying with this critical voice, as you learn to see it as just one perspective, not the truth
• Question the critic’s accuracy: Challenge self-critical thoughts by asking, “Is this really true?” or “Where’s the evidence for this belief?” Often, self-criticism is based on exaggerations or unhelpful assumptions
• Speak  kindly to yourself: Respond to your inner critic as if you were speaking with a friend. For example, you might say something like, “It’s okay to feel disappointed, but this doesn’t define my worth.”
• Write a self-compassion letter: It can help to write  to yourself and acknowledge what you’re feeling and why. In doing so, remember that showing yourself self-compassion is not the same as being self-pitying or sugar-coating things. Instead, it involves moving towards a more balanced, realistic view of yourself and the situation

How to become more self-aware

• Avoid comparing yourself to others: Comparing yourself to someone you think is doing better than you can make self-criticism worse. Instead, focus on your own progress and growth. Doing this is more helpful than trying to live up to unrealistic standards set by others or by your inner critic
• Be mindful of what you’re feeling: Instead of criticising yourself for feeling a certain way, try to become curious about what a certain feeling might mean
• Reflect before you act: Noticing and reflecting on your feelings can help you make sense of what you’re experiencing. This understanding may, in turn, help you to confront the cause of your distress. Experiencing difficult emotions from time to time is inevitable. However, being able to distinguish between harmful and non-harmful coping mechanisms can reduce unnecessary pain
• Consider the bigger picture: Remind yourself that everyone faces challenges and makes mistakes. Sometimes, you can soften your self-critical voice by realising that difficult experiences are a normal part of being human

Learning to practise self-compassion is not always easy. However, with regular practice, it can make a real difference to the quality of your life.

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