How can I tell that someone is thinking of suicide?

Many people experiencing emotional pain show signs of distress, but the only way to know if someone is thinking of suicide is to ask them. Not all people who are experiencing suicidal thoughts show outward signs of distress.

Sometimes, people thinking of suicide may hide the signs. This could be for many different reasons.  They could be afraid of people knowing that they are feeling suicidal and judging them. Perhaps they don’t feel ready to receive help, or don’t think that help and resources are available to them.

Could my friend be depressed?

Not everyone who experiences depression has suicidal thoughts or attempts suicide. However, research shows that individuals living with a mental health condition affecting mood, such as depression or bipolar disorder, are more likely to experience suicidal thoughts. Recognising common signs of depression allows you to offer support when a friend or loved one is facing mental health challenges that may increase their risk of suicidal thoughts.

If a friend or family member is displaying the following signs, they may be suffering from depression:

• Loss of interest in usual activities
• Extreme sadness, hopelessness or irritability
• Changes in appetite
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Loss of energy
• Negative views or comments about themselves

Signs that a person could be considering suicide

The following signs are common among people who are experiencing high levels of emotional distress and may be considering taking their own life:

• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness and worthlessness
• Thinking constantly about suicide
• Sudden change from distress to saying they are ‘at peace’ or ‘okay’
• Talking about going away or saying goodbye
• Threatening suicide
• Talking or writing about suicide
• Putting personal affairs in order
• Giving away the things they own

Remember that this is not a full list. Signs can be difficult to recognise. Some individuals may feel suicidal but may not show any external signs, while others may show some of the signs on this list without experiencing suicidal thoughts. The presence of signs of emotional distress doesn’t always mean that someone is suicidal.

If someone you know was feeling suicidal and you did not know or notice the signs, this is not your fault. Sometimes we don’t recognise the signs even though they may seem obvious in hindsight. Sometimes we can be too close to the situation to understand it clearly.

What can I do to help?

If you think someone may be suicidal, it is important to start a conversation about it with them. If it’s an emergency, call 999 or 112 immediately to get them medical attention, or take them straight to A&E.

In many cases, it’s not immediately clear if someone is struggling. The only way to know for sure if someone is thinking of taking their own life is if they tell you or you ask them directly. Many people hesitate to bring up the topic of suicide, fearing it might make things worse. However, there is no evidence to suggest that asking someone if they are feeling suicidal will increase their distress or make them more likely to act on suicidal thoughts. In fact, starting these conversations can have a positive impact and make a real difference.

If you are interested in learning more about how to approach difficult conversation like these, check out our factsheets on what to do if someone tells you they are thinking about suicide and how to talk to a friend who is feeling suicidal.

You can also access Let’s Talk About Suicide, a free, online suicide prevention training programme from the HSE. It helps people to develop their skills to keep others safe from suicide – to identify people who are at risk, confidently ask about the topic of suicide and connect them with resources that can help them stay safe.

Encourage them to access support

If your friend is thinking about suicide but doesn’t have any intention to act on their thoughts, encourage them to access mental health support. They may already be receiving mental health support, and in this case, encourage them to link in with that support and share their thoughts of suicide there as well.

If your friend isn’t receiving any mental health support, it’s important that they speak with their GP. A GP can refer them to a more specialised mental health service or professional who can provide them with support. Continue to support your friend by checking in regularly with them and ensuring that their thoughts about suicide haven’t become more persistent or overwhelming. You can also encourage them to speak to someone anonymously like Pieta, who offers crisis intervention support to anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts. Their helpline is available 24/7 on 1800 247 247.

Feeling overwhelmed and want to talk to someone?

• Get anonymous support 24/7 with our text message support service
• Connect with a trained volunteer who will listen to you, and help you to move forward feeling better
• Free-text SPUNOUT to 50808 to begin
• Find out more about our text message support service

If you are a customer of the 48 or An Post network or cannot get through using the ‘50808’ short code please text HELLO to 086 1800 280 (standard message rates may apply). Some smaller networks do not support short codes like ‘50808’.