Talking to your partner about your mental health

Discussing and looking after your mental health in a relationship is important, for both you and your partner. Treating your own mental health like a secret can bring a lot of stress, and may make your symptoms worse. By being upfront with your partner, you can build a stronger relationship through open communication and by naming your condition.

If you are in a relationship and struggle with your mental health, you may be unsure about bringing up how you’ve been feeling with your partner. Here are some ways to start the conversation.

Talking to your partner about your mental health

Knowing when to talk to your partner about difficulties with your mental health can be difficult. You might not want to bring it up at the start of a relationship because it could be something very personal to you. Equally, you might not want to wait too long to discuss it for fear of your partner feeling like you have been keeping it from them.

It’s entirely up to you when to discuss it, and when you do, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Talk to them about it

When you decide to have a conversation about your mental health with your partner, you could try to choose a time when you are feeling well, or better able to handle the conversation. But if this is not possible, opening up is still a good idea.

Speak honestly and try to help your partner understand as much as they can.

Some things you could try include:

• Using a drawing/image or writing a letter to explain what you’ve been going through
• Telling them about things that trigger you, like big crowds or certain topics of discussion
• Letting them know your own limits and how much you can discuss in one day

Give them information about your condition

In order for your partner to be able to support you, it can help for them to understand what you’re experiencing. Try to give them some information about your condition, what you experience, and how you manage this experience. If you see a mental health professional, like a counsellor, you could suggest that they come to an appointment so that they can ask questions and learn how to support you.

Let them know how they can help

If you have an idea about what your partner could do to support you, let them know. Consider having a conversation where you share ideas about how you can help each other to best manage some of the challenges you are facing. If you’re not sure how your partner can help, that’s okay too – ideas are likely to come to you as you go about your daily routine together.

Remember you are more than your condition

It’s important to remember that things like anxiety and depression are conditions, they are not a part of you or your personality. Reminding your partner of this and naming difficult moments as ones of anxiety or depression can help you manage these challenges together as a couple.

Physical intimacy and mental health

Medication for the symptoms of a mental health condition can reduce your desire to be physically intimate with your partner. This is completely okay; everyone goes through periods where their desire for intimacy changes.

Talk to your partner about how it is affecting you. If you are concerned about your symptoms and are on medication, talk to your doctor about finding ways to reduce and manage possible side effects. It can also help to talk to your partner about each of your sexual needs in order to find a way to make things work for both of you. There are also other ways of showing physical affection with your partner such as hugging and cuddling.

It might also be a good idea to remind yourself and your partner that neither of you is to blame for this, and that it may only be temporary.

Most importantly, if you are in a relationship and struggling with your mental health, remember that you deserve a loving, healthy, and strong relationship, whatever your health history may be.

Looking after your mental health in a relationship

Regardless of whether or not you or your partner are dealing with mental health difficulties, it is still important to find ways to look after your mental health when you’re in a relationship.

Looking after yourself, as well as considering how your partner is feeling, can lead to a healthier relationship where you can both be open with each other about what’s going on.

Develop your own coping strategies

It’s important to remember that you have the power to take care of your mental wellbeing, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Even when you’re feeling down, your partner might not be able to make you feel better right away, and that’s okay. While things like going for a walk or reading a book aren’t magic fixes, especially if you’re dealing with significant mental health challenges, identifying what helps you feel better can make a big difference. Creating a list of these coping strategies can give you a sense of control and confidence in your ability to manage your mood.

To learn more, you can explore our factsheets on coping mechanisms, changing negative thought patterns, and using emotional regulation techniques.

Feeling overwhelmed and want to talk to someone?

• Get anonymous support 24/7 with our text message support service
• Connect with a trained volunteer who will listen to you, and help you to move forward feeling better
• Free-text SPUNOUT to 50808 to begin
• Find out more about our text message support service

If you are a customer of the 48 or An Post network or cannot get through using the ‘50808’ short code please text HELLO to 086 1800 280 (standard message rates may apply). Some smaller networks do not support short codes like ‘50808’.