We all have those moments in our life where we suddenly get the inspiration to change our life for the better, so we set about trying something new that will improve our lives.

A few days in to meditation, or waking up earlier or journaling, it feels like it isn’t working, like it’s just not for us. So we stop.

But that’s not how this works. Making changes in life is all about being consistent with them and keeping up with them until they stick. I’ve been told this a thousand times and a thousand and one times I’ve forgotten it. When I’m trying something new that I’m excited about, I want to feel the benefits from it straight away and when I don’t I manage to convince myself that this thing just isn’t for me.

Something I’ve learnt quite recently is that minds don’t like change. They like routine and structure so when you try and add something new into your life and change that routine and structure there is going to be some mental resistance. No change will show results instantly and your mind will use this fact to make you feel like this new thing isn’t working and that you should go back to the way things were.

Of course it’s hard to fight against your own brain and it is much easier to just keep with your normal routine, but if this change is really something you want to try then it’s worth properly trying. You’ll have to do a lot of arguing with your brain, reminding yourself that change takes time and that this change will be for the better. It will take effort to keep up with this new thing but once you start reaping the results, you’ll be glad you put the effort in.

I can’t count the amount of times in the past when I’ve thought “I should start meditating; it seems like something that would be good for me”. And so I find one of the millions of guided meditation videos on YouTube and I sit on my bed, close my eyes and try to clear my mind. Except I don’t clear my mind; I try and focus on what I’m meant to be doing and then suddenly I’m thinking about how cute red pandas are and the video is over. I feel discouraged that I wasn’t able to meditate right off the bat so I start thinking that it’s not my thing and I don’t try again until suddenly one day I think “I should start meditating, it seems like something that would be good for me”.

One day, I wasn’t having the best time in life and I wanted to try something new, something that I felt would help me feel better and someone suggested I start meditating. I thought “I may as well” and found another meditation video. On the first day, I’m pretty sure I only paid attention to half the video but I made the decision right then that I would keep with this time. So every day after that I meditated and for a while I was really distracted and I didn’t feel it was working at all but I out those feelings aside and now I meditate every day and I’m honestly not sure if it’s made a huge difference but just knowing that I stuck with something I had given up on so many times before makes me more confident about making changes in the future.

And at the end of the day, if you’ve tried to make your changes and they’re really not working and this actually isn’t your thing, don’t feel ashamed to leave it or to try something new. There is never anything wrong about doing what’s best for you.

This article was written by a SpunOut.ie volunteer. Check out our volunteering options here and get in touch if you’re interested in getting involved.

I’ve recently turned 18. The expectation is that now I’m going to start going out every weekend and drink the night away with my friends (if I wasn’t doing that already). People haven’t stop asking me if I’m “planning on getting drunk to celebrate” and I’ve had many people offering to buy me my first drink. I’ve grown one year older and now apparently the question on everyone’s mind is when I’m going step into the world of drinking.

But I don’t plan on drinking. I don’t see the appeal. People tell me “You should try cider, it tastes like apple juice!”. If I want to drink something that tastes like apple juice…….I’ll drink apple juice and if I want something that tastes like alcohol there are plenty of non-alcoholic versions to keep me going. Some people drink because they like the buzz, they like happily letting go for a little bit. I, on the other hand always like to feel in control and that “letting go” wouldn’t be so happy for me. I’m a very sensitive, anxious and emotional person; the idea of casually indulging in a depressant really doesn’t sit well with me. Of course for most people alcohol won’t have a depressing effect and as people keep suggesting to me, it could make me be a bit less anxious and be cheerful. But I know myself best and it doesn’t feel like drinking is for me.

I have my mind made up and I’m happy with my decision but I won’t pretend like it doesn’t have any problems. In a culture where people often start drinking before they turn 18, going out with your friends and being the only one not drinking can be less than ideal. Even if the night is boring and nothing happens, the people who were tipsy generally had a much better time than me, the one completely sober, completely aware of how boring the night is and the one who’s left in charge of babysitting everyone else. Sure I can say “I’m not babysitting anyone, not tonight” but when I see a friend looking like they need a bit of mothering on a night out, it’s hard to leave them in the lurch.

The babysitting even isn’t even the worst thing for me. It’s the constant questioning:

 “Go on, why not just have one?”

“But why don’t you drink?”

“You’re not even going to try?”

“You sure you don’t want a sip?”

I understand that people are just curious and they do mean well when they offer me a drink but it makes me feel so out of place and almost as if my decision is wrong and I should just give in and drink anyway. I don’t remember a single time when I’ve told someone I don’t plan on drinking without them looking confused and questioning my motives.  Even after I explain they still ask me at different times after that, it’s like it’s something people just can’t comprehend. I want to be able to say that I don’t drink and let that be the end of it.

I’ve made my decision not to drink, it’s what I’m most comfortable with.  No matter how many confused looks I get, how many curious questions or how many nights I spend babysitting, I won’t compromise what feels right for me.

This article was written by a SpunOut.ie volunteer. Check out our volunteering options here and get in touch if you’re interested in getting involved.

Safer Internet Day 2020 will take place this year on the 11th of February. As part of the day Webwise are encouraging schools and youth groups to organise a Safer Internet Day event. 

Safer Internet Day 11th February 2020 

As part of Safer Internet Day 2020, Webwise will send out free online safety packs for any school, organisation, club, community who want to take part. If you are planning an event for #SID2020, share your plans with Webwise and they will send you out free wristbands for all of your participants. To find out more sign-up via webwise.ie.

If you and your school or organisation are taking part in Safer Internet Day 2020, use the #SID2020 hashtag to share how you promoted creating a better internet together.

Use your voice to promote online safety

If you would like to take part in Safer Internet Day 2020 promote #SID2020 on your website or social media channels. Webwise have also developed a #SID2020 Hub for anyone planning a SID event, the hub includes ideas, lessons, resources, videos and more. Click here to find promotional imagery for social media and useful checklists for all involved. 

This Safer Internet Day read our safety fact sheets on:

SpunOut’s Online Safety Hub 

Making sure you’re safe online means that you can make the most out of your social media and online messengers. Sharing information online is what we are passionate about at SpunOut, and we have created our Online Safety Hub to keep you informed about dozens of the apps, websites and online services which share and collect our personal information. 

Visit our Online Safety Hub to find out more on how to control your information, stay safe online and deal with negative issues which may arise when spending time and sharing information online.

As a first year student nurse, it seemed as if the whole of the latter half of the Christmas holidays were consumed by the act of worrying and feeling anxiety in the days leading up to placement. I felt overwhelmed by the idea of it all, stressed in a way over how I would cope with everything. At this current moment, with two twelve hour shifts completed and under my belt, it is safe to say that I feel a lot less stressed. Getting stuck in and started, on a lovely ward with nice staff, I feel calm and have a lot more positivity.

I feel that a lot of you that are waiting to start or have either just started like myself, could benefit by reading my little tips and tricks. I don’t write with experience, but a lot of what I will write has been passed on by older student nurses to me and is solid advice.

Try to be positive even with the early starts

Grumble about the early morning starts with your peers, but do not take it out on yourself. When the alarm goes off for me at 05:40, it takes a lot to pull away and resist the negativity that if allowed, will pump through my brain putting me in an ugly mood for my commute. It’s a lot easier to just get on with it. Get up, go make your strong coffee and sip it while you splash your face and get dressed.

Throw on the radio

Listening to early morning conversation and tunes on Today FM really helped me lots on my first two mornings. You feel almost as if it is time to start the day. If other people are up in the city, then you can be too.

Listen to music on your commute and your breaks

Good music is the way that I relax and keep my own mood bright. It helps to go into handover humming a song that you love in your head. It will help put yourself in a sunnier mood, and if you’re feeling clear headed yourself, then that will get passed on to your patients.

Stay on top of assessments that need to be done with your preceptor.

You’ll feel more in control in the long run plus have a super neat document to hand it at the end of it all instead of crumpled, last minute pages.

Eat well

Not only during shift but on your days off too. I’m a girl with low blood sugars, so to stop getting too low and dizzy it’s important that I get enough glucose through natural sweets or polo mints. I bring Belvita biscuits in my bag as they slow-release carbohydrate over a course of four hours, but I’m sure that there are a lot of great recipes out there to make some high oats and protein bars.

Stay hydrated on the ward

It gets quite warm with all of the physicality that is involved in nursing as a profession, so I like to keep a big bottle of fresh water at the nurses' station and refill it on my breaks.

Learn that hand cream is your new best friend

I didn’t realise how much your hands can break down until my first day. With washing your hands more than fifty times a day, comes dry and cracked skin. Neutrogena do a really good moisturising cream which I like to rub in before going to sleep. The same goes for your feet.

Wear decent soled shoes.

Trust me, you’ll feel it otherwise.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t watch Netflix on your days off

Relaxing is so important, you’ll constantly feel on edge and tired from the previous day if you don’t chill out and go running/watch a series/meet friends.

Just enjoy it! 

Already there have been a few moments where I have questioned my own strength to do this course and profession, but I just remind myself to pace myself and keep learning, learning, learning, at every opportunity.

Best of luck!

This article was written by a SpunOut.ie volunteer. Check out our volunteering options here and get in touch if you’re interested in getting involved.

A march will take place in Dublin this Saturday, the 20th of January 2018, to protest the lack of healthcare for transgender and non binary people in Ireland. Protesters can meet at Merrion Square West at 2pm and from there join the march to Leinster House on Kildare Street. A demonstration will then take place outside Leinster House which will include addresses from several speakers. 

"The protest is aiming to improve the woefully unacceptable level of transgender healthcare being provided to people in Ireland" said Noah Halpin, Vice President of IT Blanchardstown Colours LGBTQ+ Society, head organiser of the protest. "We want to move away from the medical/ diagnostic model and adopt the model of informed consent, used by most developed nations. This is in terms of Hormone Replacement Therapy and gender reassignment surgeries."

About the protest:

For more information about the march check out the Transgender* Healthcare Protest Facebook page or search the #TransHealthCareNow on Twitter. 

For many people, we tend to distance ourselves or become fearful of anything that deems to have a negative effect on us. However, like pretty much everything in life, there is always a brighter side, all that matters is how you perceive it. Therefore, in this article, I aim to discuss why it is I believe negative emotions and feelings contain some positive element. Particularly, negative emotions are a great tool to learn more about yourself, challenge yourself and even enhance your personal development.

Negative emotions include sadness, anger, fear, anxiousness, guilt and so on. I'll start of by suggesting that these emotions tend to be considered negative due to the behaviour that they entail. For instance, anger can often entail shouting and violence and with fear tends to follow individuals distancing themselves from things or people that make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. So, we're constantly exposed to the negative, undesirable aspect of these emotions and its only understandable why people want to avoid feeling a certain way in order to protect their well-being.

However, for me I've recently became quite mindful of how it is I'm feeling and rooting for an explanation as to why I feel the way I do. I've gradually learnt to allow my emotions to just flow without pushing them away completely. In other words, I think it's vital to learn to work with your emotions rather than against them. In the sense that, treat negative emotions as friends rather than enemies, after all you're only human and you're entitled to feel the way you do. For example, many people, like myself don't enjoy feeling anxious. The rush through your body, the feeling of being on edge, racing thoughts, missing out on sleep and so forth is definitely something no person enjoys experiencing. Yet the positive thing about feeling anxious is that it can help you to some extent.

Perhaps keeping track of when anxious feelings surface allows you to become aware of any patterns that could be taking place. Such that, if you're one to feel a bolt of anxiety in the morning, become aware of that feeling for a moment and maybe use it as an edge for something else to help yourself, like investing some time for a short mediation every morning or a walk with a friend. By doing so, you're actually facing your fear of anxiety and instead using it is a benefit to engage more in self-care for the future and gradually as time passes you will feel a bit better. Similarly, feelings of guilt can actually be a good sign to get to know yourself better. For example, if you feel guilty about not doing enough study for an upcoming exam, it very often shows that you do care about that exam and you feel you could have invested your time more wisely. My suggestion is that you could use that guilt to push yourself to be more productive. Maybe, sketch out a plan of what you want to study that day and tick it off as you go along, or perhaps visualise yourself sitting in the exam hall ready to start the exam. By doing so you've turned the negative side of guilt in to a positive one.

Overall, negative emotions may not be pleasant to experience but I view them as completely natural and often enough they carry hidden messages waiting to be transformed into a lesson. If negative emotions are haunting you, it's usually a sign that something needs to change. Whether it be to look after yourself more, adjust some part of yourself or even to work harder, negative emotions can be a great learning tool. That's not to say I don't think individuals going through a consistent unbalance of emotions shouldn't seek professional help but for me it's a personal choice and I usually don't depend on anything or anyone to change how I feel but this coping strategy is of course not for everyone. Rather I'm a firm believer in the only person who can change your mind is yourself.

In my opinion, every individual can take productive steps to looking after their own well-being. Whether this be through mindfulness, exercise, meditation, reading self-help books or talking with a friend, you're undoubtedly enhancing your self-development for the better. My advice for anyone feeling a bubble of emotions, develop techniques to help you manage these emotions, such as breathing techniques, healthy distractions, spending some time alone and so forth can often be a great coping mechanism to gain some clarity of a situation and your feelings. So, remember, with every negative emotion, usually comes a benefit and the goal is to look for it. Sometimes you just have to appreciate where you are. You've come along way and you're still learning and growing. Be grateful for the lessons.

This article was written by a SpunOut.ie volunteer. Check out our volunteering options here and get in touch if you’re interested in getting involved.

PrEP is a medicine which is taken to reduce the chance of getting HIV. It works by having enough of the drug in your body that if you are exposed to HIV, it can block it before it has a chance to infect you. Taking PrEP once every day reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by more than 90% and by more than 70% among people who inject drugs.

HIV can be transmitted through:

Learn more about HIV here.

PrEP does not stop you from getting other STIs so it is not a replacement for condoms. Using condoms every time you have sex is the best way to prevent you from getting or passing on STIs. Since November 2019 PrEP is now available for free in Ireland through the HSE for people who meet specific criteria. You can find out more about who is eligible for free PrEP below.

Jump to

Who can benefit from taking PrEP

You can benefit from taking PrEP:

Before taking PrEP

If you are thinking about taking PrEP you should speak to a healthcare professional.

It is important to have a HIV test before you start PrEP and then regular tests when you are taking PrEP. It is also important to test for hepatitis B because PrEP medicines fight against both HIV and hepatitis B and the medicine needs to be taken more carefully if you have hepatitis B. Getting vaccinated against hepatitis A and B is recommended for men who have sex with men and people who inject drugs or to boost a vaccine you have had before.

Before taking PrEP you should also get a blood and urine test to check your kidneys for creatinine and have a test for other STIs.

Taking PrEP

There are different ways you can take PrEP.  The most common and effective way is taking one pill a day, every day.  This is the only recommended way for people who inject drugs or who have hepatitis B.

When you start taking PrEP you have to get the drug levels high enough in your body before it begins to protect you.

Anal Sex

Vaginal Sex

Injecting/ Slamming drugs

Event Based Dosing

Event Based Dosing is when you do not take PrEP continuously but only when you know you are going to have condomless anal sex.

For anal sex you take two pills between two and 24 hours before sex, and a single pill 24 hours and 48 hours after.

The before sex dose is very important to make sure there is enough medicine in your body to protect you when you have sex. You then need to take one pill every 24 hours for the days you are having condomless anal sex.

EBD is not suitable for vaginal sex.

EBD is not suitable if you have hepatitis B.

Missing a pill while on PrEP

If you miss one or two pills don’t stop taking PrEP, just start again once you remember. There should be enough of the drug in your body to protect against HIV.

If you are missing more than a couple of doses each week you are not going to be protected.

To help remember to take PrEP regularly try your best to make it part of your routine, in the morning when you are brushing your teeth or at lunch time.

If you stop taking PrEP and have condomless sex during this time you should consider taking PEP and having another HIV test.

Taking care of yourself while on PrEP

If you are taking PreP, every three months you should have:

Every 12 months:

Stopping HIV PrEP

If you decide to stop taking PrEP there are several steps you should take:

Who can get free PrEP in Ireland?

Am I eligible to get PrEP?

To get PrEP for free through the HSE you need to:

Criteria for free PrEP in Ireland

1. You are having sex without condoms with HIV-positive partners who:

2. You are a man who has sex with men – this includes trans men who have sex with men, or a trans woman who has sex with men and meet any one of the following:

3. You are a heterosexual man or woman who is considered by a specialist STI doctor, to be at significant risk of acquiring HIV through sex.

Monitoring clinics for PrEP in Dublin

There are two PrEP monitoring clinics in Dublin where you can get the PrEP prescription:

GPs can also prescribe PrEP but not all may be aware of the drug.

For more information on PrEP in Ireland visit HIV Ireland. 

1. Black Panther

Release date: 12 February

Chadwick Boseman plays T’Challa/Black Panther the new king of the African nation of Wakanda after his father’s passing. His accession to the throne is not supported by all though and he soon discovers a plot to plunge Wakanda into a new world war. With an impressive cast that also includes Michael B. Jordan and Lupita Nyong’o, a curated soundtrack produced by Kendrick Lamar and from the director of Creed Ryan Coogler, this is one of the most exciting releases of the year.

2. Solo: A Star Wars Story

Released: 25 May 

Dogged by production issues which have included a change of director and the rumoured hiring of an acting coach. There are still many reasons to be excited about this Star Wars spin-off, including the return of original trilogy writer Lawrence Kasdan, Donald Glover (Childish Gambino) as a young Lando Calrissian and let's face it, its another Star Wars film.

3. The Incredibles 2

Released: 13 July

14 years since the first instalment, director Brad Bird returns for one of the years most anticipated sequels. Picking up shortly after the events of the first film, the plot sees Mr Incredible taking care of the kids while his wife Elastigirl is out saving the world. Although when a menacing villain The Underminer appears the family may once again be required to unite to defeat him.

4. Lady Bird

Released: 18 February

Saoirse Ronan has already received multiple awards for her portrayal of the troubled titular character Christine ‘Ladybird’ McPherson. The film consists of Ronan portraying a youth in her final year of school and the trials and tribulations that it brings.

5. Mary Poppins Returns

Released: 21 December

It has been 54 years since Julie Andrews swooped in under her umbrella and now Mary Poppins is back to help a grown-up Michael and his children after a tragic occurrence. From director Rob Marshall (Chicago, Into the Woods) and writer David Magee (Finding Neverland, Life of Pi) and starring Meryl Streep, Lin Manuel Miranda, Ben Whishaw, Julie Walters and Emily Blunt as Mary Poppins, this already sounds supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

6. Fantastic Beasts The Crimes of Grindelwald

Released: 16 November

While the first Fantastic Beats was a solid if not spectacular entry it established the world and characters and paved the way for more interesting things to come. The sequel sees Eddie Redmayne’s Newt, lending his expertise to a young Dumbledore (Jude Law) in order to battle one of the most notorious wizards of all time Gilbert Grindelwald (Jonny Depp).

7. Love, Simon

Released: 16 March

Based on the book Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli, Greg Berlanti directs this coming of age story starring Nick Robinson (Everything, Everything). Simon a 17-year-old high school student struggling to come-out falls for one of his fellow classmates online, the only problem is he has no idea who it is.

8. Ready Player One

Released: 30 March

From director Steven Spielberg and based on one of the most loved sci-fi novels in recent years. Ready Player One imagines a future consumed by their love of a virtual reality game. When the creator of the game hides his fortune inside the game for the players to find things get interesting.

9. Avengers: Infinity War

Released: 27 April

After the events of Captain America: Civil War saw the Avengers at odds with one and other. The long-mooted arrival of infinity stone obsessed alien Thanos comes to the fore in Infinity War. The question remains will Earth’s mightiest heroes be able to unite to save us?

10. Annihilation

Released: 23 February

From director Alex Garland (Ex Machina), Natalie Portman stars as a biologist who after the disappearance of her husband, embarks on a mission into an environmental anomaly. Released in theatres in the US this one is coming straight to Netflix.

11. The Post

Released: 19 January

Another appearance by Spielberg on the list but in complete contrast to his previous entry. The Post sees Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep as Ben Bradley and Kathrine Graham of the Washington Post battle for the freedom of the press, a timely film to say the least.

12. A Wrinkle in Time

Released: 23 March

After Meg’s Father disappears, she is plunged into a fantastical world by three beings played by Oprah Winfrey, Reece Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling and embarks on a quest to find him. From director Ava DuVernay who previously directed Selma, this could be interesting.

13. Isle of Dogs

Released: 23 March

From visionary director Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel), Isle of Dogs is the tale of a boy searching for his dog. A stop motion animation feature imbued with Andersons typically unique style.

14. Deadpool 2

Released: 1 June

Ryan Reynolds returns as the self-aware, smart-talking superhero in the follow-up to the insanely successful first instalment. This time Deadpool will come face-to-face with his nemesis/sometimes ally Cable (Josh Brolin). Plot details are being kept fairly under wraps still.

15. Early Man

Released: 26 January

The latest release from the folks at Ardman, the people who brought you Chicken Run, Wallace and Gromit and Flushed Away. Early Man is exactly what it sounds like a film about the first men. Combining their usual trademarks of good humour and stop-motion animation, this sounds like another winner.

16. Mortel Engines

Released: 14 December

Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings) is behind this mammoth new production as a producer. Jackson has enlisted the help of Christian Rivers who mostly worked in the art department and in visual effects as director and his visual flair is certainly evident in the trailer. The film focuses on a future where the city of London is now a giant machine moving through a desolate land. Sounds mad, but may be brilliant.

17. Tomb Raider

Released: 16 March

Alicia Vikander takes up the mantle of Lara Croft in a new adaption of the popular video game. Filled with explosive action, ancient mysteries and with the fate of the world resting on Lara’s shoulders, what’s not to like?

18. The Kid Who Would be King

Released: 28 September

The latest from Joe Cornish writer/director of Attack the Block, this time Cornish takes us to modern-day London for a retelling of the Arthurian Legend. Complete with new versions of Merlin and Morgana there is definitely potential here.

This article was written by a SpunOut.ie volunteer. Check out our volunteering options here and get in touch if you’re interested in getting involved.

I came upon an app to make new friends but others used it for dating. As a person fresh out of a relationship I wanted to forget my first heartbreak. So I went ahead and signed up. I soon attracted the attention of one boy. Let’s call him John. John started off as kind and complimented me. I was flattered and my broken heart remained, but the pain was numbed by this person showing me the affection that I had wanted.

I just wanted someone to tell me I was amazing because I didn’t believe it. After a few days of talking, he decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. I quickly agreed, I was totally over my ex! Let me tell you something, being with someone else doesn’t mean you’re ‘over’ someone, it’s a way of compensating, it’s like an act of revenge, you feel if they find out you’re with someone else they’ll be incredibly jealous.

The first accusations

During my first day of being John’s girlfriend, I told him I would be going to a youth club ball the next day because I’d already paid to go to it and wanted to have fun. He immediately became enraged by saying it was just another teen disco, I’d cheat on him immediately, some guy would start groping me and it would be my own fault.

I wanted to go to this ball but what if he was right? What if this was a sign of me being so disloyal, maybe that’s why I got dumped before, he thought I was a cheater? For the first time, I doubted myself. I was afraid, I didn’t want to be a bad person. John said he loved me and that clearly I didn’t love him back. It was our first day of being in a relationship and I panicked and said I loved him.

Constant contact

I ended up going to the ball but the whole time, John was texting me saying I was a horrible person and I was clearly cheating on him. He tried to ring me but it was too loud to hear him so I hung up. He continued to guilt me until I had a panic attack and ended up leaving, saying I felt sick. John was happy and then wouldn’t let me sleep no matter how exhausted I was.

He wouldn’t let me hang up the phone and would guilt me if I tried to leave. I didn’t want to be seen as a horrible person. I stayed. He rang me at 8 every morning, no matter what day, school or not. At first, I would always wake up and answer. I had to always have this phone call before school every morning. It had to go on until he was ready to leave, if I said I had to go get ready he’d immediately say I’m going to text another boy and that I’m clearly a cheater. So I stayed.

As time went on I grew sick of it and would ignore the phone. But he would ring until it went to voicemail and when it did he hung up and rang again. When I never picked up I got a barrage of texts about how horrific of a person I was, that I was unkind, uncaring, I was so horrible. I felt awful.

As the relationship progressed it became so mentally exhausting. I had to always be on a Skype call with him and if I exited and went to another app, it would close the camera but I could still talk. So I would be only able to talk to him. I couldn’t text my friends ever because if I did he would scream I was a cheater and I’m a bad person no matter how much I tried to prove I was innocent.

If ever I went out with my friends I had to send a picture of where I was and who was with me. He rang me every few minutes to check I wasn’t cheating. If my phone was dead he’d text my friends to give me their phone so he can ring me. He manipulated me to delete every guy I had on Snapchat and Instagram because he branded them as a risk to me saying that they’d beat me up. I was scared, I was emotionally weak. I was trying to cope with depression. I didn’t have time to argue, I had to cope, so I always gave in and it broke me. I had no confidence so I always listened to others, if they said I was bad it must be true.

Separating me from my friends

Soon his manipulation turned to my friends. They disagreed with his ways of trying to control me and I just brushed it off as him protecting me. He began to tell me my friends were awful people. He had my passwords to everything because he told me if I said no I was hiding something. I saw no flaws in this, so I went along with it.

One day he read a group chat with me and my friends. One friend sent a picture of a guy on his skateboard and I replied, saying it looked cool. John found that message and scolded me for looking at another guy. He told me my friends were trying to get me to cheat on him. So I began to cut my friends off.

Realising the truth

After months, I had been going to therapy, becoming emotionally stronger and overcoming my depression. I didn’t need other people to tell me I was amazing, I realised the truth. John was my problem, he was worsening my depression.

I broke up with him and blocked him on everything, I got a new number, and my family helped me to get through it. I was able to see that they were really the people I should talk to. Anyone can overcome abuse, the victim is never to blame. We may be vulnerable, but someone makes the choice to use that to their advantage.

First Fortnight: The Art of Mental Health 

The First Fortnight mental health arts festival is currently taking place across 17 counties in Ireland for the first two weeks in January. The festival is made up of Arts events aimed at challenging mental health stigma.

 First Fortnight first began eight years ago by a group of volunteers who saw the need for more open dialogue around mental health in Ireland.This year there is a lineup of over 100 live events including concerts, spoken word events and theatre performances.

Events 

Some of the events taking place around Ireland as part of First Fortnight include: 

Leads 2 Better Mental Health

Therapy Sessions

“Lunatic, There I go”

First Light

To find the full list of events included in the First Fortnight festival click here. 

Accessibility to decent healthcare has been shown to be an issue that the people of Ireland are really passionate about. Only last month, we voted to give pregnant people the right to bodily autonomy, to healthcare within their own country and to have a degree of choice in their own medical treatments by repealing the 8th Amendment. Many trans-men have the capacity to become pregnant and these issues were ones the Irish Trans* and Non-Binary communities took to heart, as a group that knows all too well what it is like to have to travel abroad for healthcare, have doctors object to provide resources, and to have their choices with their bodies be an issue for debate. For National Men’s Health Week 2018, I will be sharing an insight into my experience and thoughts on seeking healthcare in Ireland as a transgender man and how this is impacting other men and people like me. I hope you find it useful.

The Irish trans* healthcare system is currently under criticism by a movement of trans* and non-binary people (ThisIsMe). A core issue for trans* people seeking this healthcare is a lack of resources and the number of processes included.  Whilst Ireland has made progress in some areas of how people with mental conditions are seen and treated, the lack of autonomy or trust a trans* person experiences when seeking healthcare is one that is still unacceptable. As a psychology student, I can’t understand how a GP is able to prescribe anti-depressants to a client without a second opinion, yet a trans* person must go through multiple screenings with a psychiatrist and a psychologist, receiving two diagnoses, before a consultant will see them with regards to hormone replacement therapy (HRT).     

These consultations with various mental health teams may be months apart, following waiting times of 1-2 years before the first meeting. Waiting lists exist for other treatments of course, but the issue with leaving trans-men without supports greatly ties in with the gender dysphoria they may experience. It has been stated that trans-men and trans-women are at a greater risk of developing eating disorders than their cisgender counterparts, and within the transgender community, trans-men are at an even greater risk. This risk has been suggested to stem from the extreme distress trans-men may experience with their bodies, and are attempts to suppress “womanly” features such as breasts, curved hips and in some cases, to cease menstruation. Eating disorders can be life-threatening conditions, and particularly dangerous to adolescents and teenagers – who may suffer developmental issues both physically and mentally – which leaves the young trans-men of Ireland in a dangerous place.

I am currently one of thousands on a waiting list, with the only indication I have that I’ll ever receive treatment is a number. Just shy of number 150 on that list, a guestimation puts me at the end of next year in a clinic in Dublin. When after that I’ll actually start HRT is anyone’s guess, and at least once a day, I wonder if it will ever happen. My gender is only a part of my identity, a part of my life, and I don’t feel like my time, mental health or resources should revolve around it. Yet as it stands, to progress one step with my transition, it feels like every day I must follow up with a doctor’s office, research, call, write to, wait and repeat this process, because the current system is designed as an obstacle course for people like me. I know myself I am a man, regardless of having HRT or not, that is not a question. What I do question though, is when will Ireland once again, give its citizens autonomy, accessibility and dignity when it comes to our healthcare.

Facebook recently released a blog post questioning whether spending time on social media is bad for us?

In a report entitled “Hard Questions: Is spending time on social media bad for us?” David Ginsberg, Director of Research at Facebook and Moira Burke, Research Scientist at Facebook questioned the effects which spending time on social media has on our mental health.

Findings of the report

According to Facebook’s report the effect which social media can have over you depends on the way that you use it. You can either be on social media passively, scrolling through posts or actively, messaging and commenting on people’s posts. Just as in real life, the Facebook report says the research shows that those who participate on social media actively receive more benefits from it then those who stand-by and watch passively.

The studies in the Facebook report

The Facebook report cites two examples which were taken from studies they conducted at the Carnegie Mellon University and at Cornell University.

One of the studies found that “people who sent or received more messages, comments and Timeline posts reported improvements in social support, depression and loneliness.” The study also found that the positive effects were even stronger when people talked with their close friends online.

The second study found that students who scrolled through their own Facebook profiles for five minutes experienced “boosts in self-affirmation” compared to students who looked at stranger’s Facebook profiles.

The study also then gave students who were stressed a choice of websites to visit including Facebook, YouTube, online music and online video games. The study then found that “ stressed students were twice as likely to choose Facebook to make themselves feel better as compared with students who hadn’t been put under stress.”

 

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