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Should I still talk to my ex?

Should I still talk to my ex?

It is difficult to decide whether to stay in touch with an ex


Written by SpunOut | View this authors Twitter page and posted in sex-relationships


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Breakups are a difficult time in life. Regardless of whether if was your decision to break up or not it will take time to readjust to being without your ex and move on from the heartbreak you have experienced. Everyone's breakup is different so there is no right or wrong way to act while trying to get used to your new single life. It can be difficult not to be able to see or talk to someone who was an important part of your life for a short or long period of time so try and be patient and give both yourself and your ex time to come to terms with the new situation.

Can I still be friends with my ex?

You and your ex will need to discuss whether you think you can stay friends after the breakup. Initially, it is probably best to give each other some room to get used to your new daily routines without each other. After some time to heal maybe you will then be able to have a friendship together.

If you were broken-up with and are still in love or hurt it may not be easy to be friends with your ex. Try not to put yourself in situations where you could become jealous or upset, such as seeing them with someone else at a party.

Think about what sort of contact you want to retain with your ex. Although you may want to keep in touch it might be easier for them not to talk to you in order to be able to move on. If you are upset about the split try to call a friend or family member instead of relying on your ex to be there to support you as they did in the past.

Ask yourself is there a risk of stalking or obsession either on your own behalf or your ex’s behalf? If you can see yourself texting them twenty times a day or crying because they don’t answer on the first ring, it may be a very bad idea to keep in contact. If you worry that you will be the recipient of obsessive contact yourself, it’s probably best to avoid contact too. At least for a while anyway.

Reasons to stay friends with your ex

  • If you were friends before you got together you may have a genuine friendship that you want to keep
  • If you keep communication between you there could be a chance of getting back together in the future 
  • It can make the process easier not to lose someone completely who you love

Reasons to end your friendship with your ex

  • It can delay healing if you are still in contact and rely on them 
  • It could stop you from moving on and dating someone else
  • It can become complicated if one person still has feelings and the other doesn't
  • The friendship could become resentful after awhile 

After breaking up for someone it is important to focus on what is best for both of you. Although you may feel you are being kind to someone you have broken up by still speaking or spending time with them you could be leading them on and making it more difficult for them to get over the breakup. Equally if you have been broken up and still want to be in contact with your ex, you need to realise that it must have been difficult for them to break up with you in the first place but that it was probably the right choice. Respect their decision and try not to make them feel bad for making that difficult decision.  

Need more information?

Would you like more information? Maybe you would like to talk through your own situation? Get in touch through our online chat system for 16 to 25 year olds - Monday to Friday 4pm to 8pm.

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Published Jan­u­ary 22nd2013
Last updated June 8th2018
Tags communication breakups relationships stalking obsession
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