In January of this year, I was so depressed and lonely, combined with suicidal thoughts, that my parents decided it would be best to take me out of school. My dad was disappointed because he always wanted me to do my leaving and to get a good job.
While in school, I was mentally bullied for two years. I was excluded from everything and I had no friends. It was horrible. I was so overwhelmed with stress and anxiety that I missed a lot of days in the school year. I would wake up in the morning and say I was sick or beg them not to let me go to school.
I hated school and I still don’t like the people in it. None of the girls talked to me or tried to help me in anyway even though some of them knew I had mental health issues. I felt incredibly isolated and alone 24/7.
The hurt from the bullying still affects me. When I see those girls my day is completely ruined. They made me feel worthless and insecure. They made me feel like I could never be good enough. I used to think that I hate them but here’s the thing, I don’t. If I’m being honest I feel bad for them because they try and put me down to make themselves feel better.
Bullying is not okay. It destroys your self-esteem and your confidence. I ask myself on most days why can’t I just have my confidence back? Why can’t I stop caring about what other people think? At the moment, I am still struggling with those two things but I hope that in time I will be confident with the way I am and not care what others say about me.
I just want to let people know, bullies treat you badly because they are trying to cheer themselves up. Is it fair? No of course not and there are no excuses for bullying. The effects of bullying can last long into adulthood. Some effects of bullying published on Stick and Stones are stress, reduced ability to concentrate, lack of motivation and energy, lack of appetite or comfort eating and a feeling of isolation.
I’m no longer being bullied since I left school and I can feel myself getting a little bit more confident but it’s gonna take a while until I’ll be able to say I’m completely confident. If you are being bullied tell somebody, anyone it doesn’t matter just tell somebody that you trust. Realise that they are only trying to put you down to make them happy.
I finished my leaving cert today and I am over the moon to have finished school (I did my leaving cert as an external candidate). I went back to school to do my leaving cert because I am determined. I am happy with the way I am and I am proud of myself.
The bullying didn’t ruin me, no, it just made me so much stronger.