Talking about consent in a relationship

Regardless of how long you have been with someone, talking about consent in a relationship is essential. Consent is often spoken about in the context of being sexual with someone for the first time or with someone you have only recently met. However, consent must be present in all sexual acts, and this includes those with your long-term partners.

Remember, consent is needed for vaginal, anal or oral sex, mutual masturbation, sexual touching or kissing. Consent can be expressed both verbally and physically. This means it can be with words, as well as actions and body language.

If you are in a long term relationship you may feel it is understood that your partner will want to have sex with you. This is not true and you should never presume this regardless of how long you are together.

That’s why it’s important to talk about consent in a relationship. By doing so, you can make sure you and your partner are on the same page and understand what you are comfortable with. This can help build sexual and emotional relationships that meet both your needs and make you happy.

How to talk about consent in a relationship

By talking about your sexual needs and consent in a relationship you can help ensure that consent is given. Doing this can help to strengthen your relationship together.

Telling your partner you don’t want to have sex

Sometimes you may feel that you have to be with your partner sexually when they want you to. This pressure may not come from them but can come from you, as you do not want to upset them or make them feel unwanted. Feeling like this can be a common experience, but you never have sex with someone, regardless of the reasons.

If your partner wants to have sex and you do not want to, be honest with them and tell them how you are feeling. Knowing how to say no can help to make this conversation easier. In creating open conversations with your partner, hopefully, they will then also feel confident to speak to you honestly when they do not want to have sex.

Talking to your partner when they don’t want to have sex

If you want to partake in any sexual activities with your partner, remember to make sure that this is also what they want.

If your partner does not want to have sex or engage in any sexual activity, it’s important not to make them feel bad for their decision. Although you may feel disappointed, respecting their decision can help to strengthen your relationship and improve your sexual experiences as a couple. Talk to your partner about how they are feeling and let them know that you respect their choice.

What to do if someone in a relationship stops wanting to have sex

If you or your partner decided that you do not want to have sex, this may cause disagreement. It can be difficult for one half of a couple to understand why their partner would no longer want to have sex with them, and if this happens an open conversation is needed.

The conversation is not to convince either of you to change your mind. It is to understand the reasons why one or both of you has decided you don’t want to, and to agree on what the next step for you should be as a couple. Most people go through phases where they will not want to have sex. Some may also decide that they no longer want to engage in sexual activities altogether.

Regardless of the reasons, it is important to always respect that decision, and only have sex if both people in the relationship consent.

Speaking to your partner about your sexual needs

Sometimes it can be frustrating if your partner only seems to want to have sex when it suits them. If this happens, having a conversation about your sexual needs can help to create a situation in which you are both happy.

No one should ever have to have sex when they don’t want to. But only being intimate when it suits one person can be difficult for the other. Being intimate together is something that you should both enjoy and can bring you closer together. Be honest with each other and speak about your sexual needs to find a situation you are both happy in.

Knowing how to talk to your partner about your sexual needs can also help to strengthen your relationship.

Learning more about consent in a relationship

Want to learn more about consent:

• What is consent?
• Alcohol, sex and consent
• Consent in sexual relationships

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