A meal deal for one please
Don't give up on love, but don't let it be your only goal.
This is an opinion of a young person and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of SpunOut.ie. It is one person's experience and may be different for you. If you'd like to write something for SpunOut.ie please contact firstname.lastname@example.org.
Whether it’s the countless songs playing on the radio which all seem to be about loving someone, someone loving you or someone not loving you but you loving them (my personal favourites recently are “Came here for love” and “Lonely together”) it can seem love is everywhere except for in your own life. TV is no escape either with “First Dates”, “Celebrity Dates” or “Take Me Out.” The “Late Late Show” is even looking for singletons for their Valentines show. When I met one of the producers of “First Dates” recently through work, I nearly took it as a sign from God that I should apply.
And with Valentine's day only around the corner, it is the time of the year for love. In today’s world we’re all told we should have someone. Whether it's an M&S meal deal for two, or 2-for-1 cocktails, everything seems geared towards reminding you that you're single - and very single at that. For myself, it wasn't until meeting someone I liked but them not feeling the same way for me, that opened my eyes to the world of love. Before that I never even noticed it. Now it seems to be everywhere, taunting me nearly. And since I felt that spark I’m trying my very best to find it again.
I’ve tried every dating app under the sun. I've been on a few dates with no success, and it seems to be anyone I like doesn't like me and anyone who likes me I don't like them. Sometimes I feel like I'm Bridget Jones or maybe more Gemma Collins, I’m not sure.
A lot of my friends are in the same boat as me. I’m in a Whatsapp group called the Lonely Hearts Club Band for god sake! A few have blamed me for their renewed interest in finding someone. One friend in particular use my favourite catch phrase for getting their friends to go out, which is and I copyright this “You could meet the love of your life”.
When I tell friends who aren't as bothered about this as me, they kept saying I'm so young. I know I’m only 23, but still, I feel I need to find the one now before someone else snatches them up. For the last few months I have thought of little else "will this picture look good on tinder" or "how long should I wait to reply to this message" and it's got to the point where I'm like ok this is becoming an obsession. Then I delete the apps and promise I'll stay off them, but of course, I'm back on them within a few days.
But recently I've started to see things differently after another game playing exercise where I planned out how I could make this person more interested in me - the “treat them mean, keep them keen” game. I said to myself no more. If someone is a decent person and likes me for me, they aren't going to ghost me, and if I have to increase their interest by ignoring them, then that's not right either.
Playing games when it comes to matters of the heart is wrong and a recipe for a disaster. If someone can’t treat you with respect from the start how the hell are things going to be if you do go out with them. I’ve decided to slow things down. I’m not going to give up but nor am I going to live every spare moment on tinder or bumble or god knows what else. I've great friends and family and a good life, and I have to appreciate that.
So, to all those lonely hearts out there and I know there are loads of us, don't give up but don't let it become your only goal. As well as that don't be shy, put yourself out there, go on that date if you're asked. Even if you feel they're not the one, it’s good to meet new people. I've made friends from the dates I've been on and it's all experience.
But when it comes to someone liking you and you not feeling the same way, don’t be the person who ghosts someone. We all know how awful that feels. Is it that hard to send a message saying "you're a great person, but I see us more as friends?" No it's not. Be honest with people, and as my mother always says “treat people as you’d like to be treated yourself”.
Have a Happy Valentine’s day and don’t sit in and feel sorry for yourself, go out do something, you never know you could meet the love of your life!
This article was written by a SpunOut.ie volunteer. Check out our volunteering options here and get in touch if you’re interested in getting involved.