How being called names can have a big impact on you

I was called fat and it hurt. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t funny. I will remember it for the rest of my life and with all of my strength, I will try not to let it get to me but it will.

I was having the most horrible day where I woke up and went back to sleep for the next six hours. I didn’t have the energy to get up that day. It just wasn’t in me. When I finally rose to eat, I was called “fat” for having a little too much for my dinner. I was hungry. It was my first meal of the day.

Why would you bring someone down like that? Especially when you know that they joined the gym, bought all of these vegetables and started eating better to cleanse all of the built-up negativity out of her system. Why would you do that? What I hate the most is when they cover it up by saying it’s a joke – “I was just joking” or “It was just a joke”.

Of course, I should be writing not to let this get to you but it did to me. I’m not going to sugar-coat anything – it hurt like hell. But the word “fat” wouldn’t be everyone’s trigger word. Maybe for you, it’s “too skinny”, “annoying” or “useless” (that’s a brutal one) that kicks at your self-esteem. It’s the most horrible feeling but what’s worse is that they probably don’t know how much it caused you pain. They probably don’t know that you cried about it alone or hit things out of anger. They will never know.

I’ve realised how heavy this article is getting but there is no doubt that having to hear these horrible words throughout your life is the worst, especially if it was engraved in your head since a young age. But no matter whatever age you are or whatever your trigger word is, it hurts and it will always hurt.

I’m not going to end this by saying that I feel better from what they said because I don’t. To be honest, I feel more angry and confused than ever before. I remember this feeling and I don’t like it. We shouldn’t let this negativity get to us but it does. The only way it can go away is by not feeding it. It’s like a monster that will continue to manifest in your head if you keep giving it something to grow from.

I’m not saying this is easy at all – I am far from completely ignoring this constant hate. I am far from self-love but I am trying.

If you experience this or something much worse, please talk to someone. Write it out like I am right now but also remember to stop and think if maybe it’s you. We all talk bad about each other in different ways that we’re not aware of. We could just be as bad as the next person. It is as important to reflect on ourselves and how we talk to other.

If you are far from self-love, starting your journey or en route to a more positive, happy and healthy mindset of yourself: you got this.

Don’t let it get to you. You are stronger than this. You are loved.