How to manage the stress of living with a chronic condition

Living with a chronic physical health condition can bring up a wide range of emotions, sometimes all at once. You might feel sadness about how much has changed, anger or frustration at your situation, jealousy when you see other people doing things you no longer can, guilt for needing help, or shame that this is happening to you. All of these feelings are normal and completely valid, but they can also be hard to cope with. Coping with these difficult emotions can be especially challenging if you have developed a condition suddenly, or if your future feels uncertain.

There’s a lot of advice available on how to cope with the physical symptoms of a chronic condition, including how to manage physical pain, get enough rest, or stick to treatment plans. This kind of guidance, which is available on the HSE website, is important and can make a real difference in your daily life.

However, managing your emotional well-being matters just as much. In this factsheet, you’ll find information on and practical support with managing the whole range of feelings and emotions that can come with experiencing a chronic condition. You’ll also find strategies for managing intense emotions when they arise and reminders that you’re not alone in what you’re going through.

What’s a “normal” response to a chronic condition?

There is no right or wrong way to respond to a chronic physical health condition. Many different factors can affect how you or someone you care about copes with the emotional impact of the condition, such as:

• Your age or life stage
• What your medical team expects to happen with your condition over time
• Whether your symptoms change over time or stay the same
• Your ability to access treatment for the physical health condition
• How your physical health condition is viewed by other people, such as whether it is widely accepted or stigmatised
• How much the physical health condition affects your ability to carry out everyday tasks
• Your level of social support

It’s common to feel overwhelmed by the emotional and psychological impact of a chronic condition, especially when your routines, relationships or sense of identity have been disrupted. Part of coping with the difficult emotions that can come with a sudden diagnosis or the appearance of unexplained and unwanted physical symptoms is recognising that these emotional responses are completely normal.

Some common emotional responses to chronic conditions

You might feel alone trying to live your life with a chronic physical health condition, but many people experience similar emotional and psychological reactions. These responses are understandable, especially in the face of a life-altering health condition. Below are some common emotional responses, although the list does not include every possible response:

Grief, loss and identity changes

• Feeling a deep sense of loss for your old life, such as being able to go out, eat what you wanted, or socialise without having to think about physical consequences
• Feeling like you’ve lost your sense of self and not knowing who you are anymore
• Denying that you are ill or feeling reluctant to accept a diagnosis, especially if the physical health condition is misunderstood, stigmatised, or seen as “all in your own head”
• Feeling disconnected from or even angry at your own body, as if it has betrayed you

Social isolation and loneliness

• Feeling lonely or cut off from others due to social isolation or the loss of important relationships
• Feeling misunderstood or emotionally distanced from people who don’t recognise the psychological impact of your condition
• Feeling disbelieved or dismissed by friends, family, colleagues, or even medical professionals, especially if your symptoms are invisible or difficult to diagnose

Fear and Uncertainty

• Worrying about your future, including how you’ll manage, especially if you depend on ageing caregivers or don’t have stable support
• Feeling powerless or out of control, particularly over your body’s limitations, chronic pain, or changes in how you think or function day to day

Difficult emotions towards others

• Comparing yourself or feeling envious of peers reaching life milestones you hoped to reach, like moving out, traveling, working, or starting a family
• Feeling anger or confusion about why this happened to you, sometimes asking, “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?”

Guilt or shame

• Feeling guilty about how your physical health condition affects others, or believing you are a burden to loved ones

There’s no “wrong” way to feel

If you don’t see an emotional response you’ve had listed above, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Everyone reacts to physical health conditions in their own way, and there is no “normal” or “abnormal” emotional response. Your feelings are unique to you, reflect your own experience, and you deserve support in dealing with them.

How to manage difficult emotions with a chronic condition

Living with a chronic physical health condition can affect many areas of your life, from study or work to friendships, daily routines, and future plans. All of this disruption can make it hard to feel settled or at ease in yourself. Everyday stressors that might seem small to others can feel magnified when you’re already coping with so much. You may find it harder to manage strong emotions or respond to stress in ways that ease, rather than increase, your distress. This is sometimes called emotional dysregulation.

Becoming emotionally dysregulated while trying to manage the impact of a physical health condition is a common human response to a very real challenge. However, learning ways to manage difficult feelings and reaching out for support when you can will help reduce the risk of experiencing longer-term mental health difficulties. Research suggests that people living with chronic physical conditions are more likely to develop secondary mental health difficulties like anxiety or depression. Taking care of your emotional well-being is just as important as managing your physical health, starting with allowing yourself to feel the emotions that surface, without judgement.

Allowing yourself to feel

Allowing yourself to feel difficult emotions, rather than dismissing them, can help reduce stress and protect your mental health in the long term. Research indicates that when we suppress or hide our feelings, especially from the people we trust, it can lead to greater emotional distress and feelings of hopelessness over time. Expressing how you feel, when it’s safe and possible to do so, is an important part of coping with the emotional impact of a chronic condition.

Learning to face your emotions and express them more freely is no easy task. Many of us grow up learning, often without realising it, that “being strong” means not feeling or showing sadness, fear, anger or jealousy. We might be told, directly or indirectly, that “negative” emotional states such as sadness, fear, anger, or jealousy are less acceptable than “positive” emotional states like happiness, joy, hope and gratitude.

In reality, developing the ability to feel and move through the full range of emotions as they come, without judging yourself, is often much more helpful than trying to shut difficult feelings down. Giving yourself permission to do so is a powerful step towards investing in your own emotional well-being.

If you are struggling with distressing emotions related to a chronic condition, you can find coping strategies in our articles on how to regulate your emotions and how to manage difficult emotions.

Practical ways of processing strong emotions

Living with a chronic physical health condition can stir up all kinds of emotions, from sadness, fear and anger, to guilt, jealousy or grief. It can help to remind yourself that emotions, even the most intense ones, are temporary. When you practise noticing and connecting with what you’re feeling, you may begin to see that emotions tend to rise, shift, and pass, and that you have the strength to get through them.

One helpful way to begin processing emotions is to name what you’re feeling. This can help you make sense of it and remind you that you’re not “wrong” for feeling that way. Once you’ve identified an emotion, there are different practical strategies that might help you stay connected to it in a way that feels manageable, and to let it move through you at its own pace.

Trying to process intense emotions associated with changes in physical health or loss can be difficult without the care and support of other people. You may find that psychotherapy or counselling helps you to develop the skills to identify, explore, and respond to how you’re feeling at a pace that works for you. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is one option, but there are also lots of other types of therapy that can be beneficial. It’s important to find a therapist and way of working that feels supportive of you, given your unique circumstances, cultural background, personal values, and way of processing information.

Some helpful emotional coping strategies

Below are some coping strategies that may help you connect to your emotions in a safe and manageable way by bringing your awareness back to the present moment:

• Stay present with the emotion, just for a moment: Try noticing where the emotion shows up in your body and staying with it briefly, before gently shifting your attention elsewhere or using a distraction technique. “Dipping in and out” like this can help you build your tolerance for big emotions, especially when they come in waves
• Practise a breathing exercise, like box breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and repeat.
• Express your feelings in creative ways: You might find it helpful to journal, write poetry, song lyrics or letters, draw, or take photos that reflect how you’re feeling. These can be powerful ways to express emotions that might feel hard to say out loud
• Use metaphors, quotes, or images that speak for you: Sometimes, finding a quote from a book or song, or imagining a visual metaphor, like a storm or a flickering light, can help capture what you’re going through, especially when words feel out of reach
• Move your body gently: If it feels safe and accessible, try expressing how you feel through gentle movement, like stretching, restorative yoga, slow dancing, or even small movements while lying down or sitting. Movement can sometimes help emotions shift and soften
• Practise a grounding technique: Focus on 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
• Find comfort or lightness through humour: Humour can be a way of releasing tension or relating to your experience with a bit more softness and flexibility

Reaching out for emotional support

If you’re just starting to explore your emotions around having a chronic condition, it’s important to know that you don’t have to go through it by yourself. Reaching out for support can be a key part of looking after your emotional wellbeing when you’re living with a chronic physical health condition.

You might find it helpful to talk to people you trust, like a friend, family member, or someone else who understands what it’s like to live with similar challenges. Opening up can feel difficult at first, but sharing what you’re going through can help you feel more connected and less alone. For ideas on where to start and tips on how to reach out for support, whether that’s through your social circle or new connections, visit our article on finding emotional support for a chronic condition.

Accessing professional support

Processing the many emotions that come with having a chronic condition can be really tough to do alone. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a friend, have less social contact right now, or think you could use some extra support, trying talk therapy might be a helpful option for you.

There are both public and private options for accessing therapy. You can read more in our article on free and low-cost ways to access counselling and psychotherapy, including services funded by the HSE.

If you’re looking for a private therapist, try to choose someone who’s accredited by a professional body, like:

• The Irish Council for Psychotherapy (ICP)
• The Irish Association for Humanistic and Integrative Psychotherapy (IAHIP)
• The Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP)

These organisations make sure their members meet professional standards and follow a code of ethics. You can search their member directories to find someone who has experience working with people living with chronic conditions or physical impairments.

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