How to open up to someone about your mental health

Taking the first step towards talking about your mental health can be difficult. Thinking about who you want to talk to and how you want to start the conversation can make it easier to open up to someone about how you’ve been feeling.

What you can do before talking to someone

It can take a lot of courage to take the first step and open up to someone. Here’s how you can prepare for the conversation:

Think about what you want to say

Take some time to think about what you want to tell them. Writing down your thoughts can help you to make sense of them and to prepare for the conversation. You can bring these notes with you, or hand them over to the other person to read before you start to discuss what’s been happening. If you feel overwhelmed, you don’t have to go through it all at once. Just sharing some of what you’ve been feeling is a great first step, and you can continue to talk about things over the next few days or weeks as you open up more.

Choose the right person

Finding someone to talk to about such a personal topic can be difficult. It’s important that you choose someone you know you can trust, and who won’t judge you. Think about who has supported you in the past. It might be a parent, a GP, youth worker, teacher, friend, brother or sister. Or perhaps you might find it easier to speak to someone you don’t know very well at all. No matter who you talk to, remember that one negative experience doesn’t define your journey. If the first conversation doesn’t go well, don’t be discouraged. Keep reaching out until you find the support you deserve.

If you’re not ready to talk to someone you know, you might find it easier to reach out to a trained volunteer through our free, 24/7 anonymous messaging service, Text About It.

Choose the right time

You might be tempted to wait for “the right time”, but when you’re experiencing distress, it’s best to reach out to a trusted person as soon as you can. It might help to try to talk to someone at a time when they’re not busy and you won’t be interrupted.

Send them a text if you’re not ready to speak to them face to face

If talking face-to-face feels too difficult, try starting the conversation with a text. You might say something like, “I need to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me for a while. I’m a little nervous about bringing it up, so I decided to text you instead. I’m finding things difficult at the moment.”

It can be a good idea to follow-up your text conversation with a face-to-face conversation.

Confidentiality

It’s important to know that if you tell a friend, family member, or mental health professional that you’re feeling suicidal or at risk of harming yourself, they might not be able to keep it just between the two of you. Keeping you safe is of the utmost importance, and to do that, they may need to break confidentiality.

How to start the conversation

It might feel a bit awkward at first since many people aren’t used to talking about their mental health. But if you keep the conversation going, you’ll likely start to feel more comfortable after a few minutes.

Let them know you have something important to tell them

Start by telling them that you want to talk to them about something important. Let them know that you are worried about how you have been feeling for a while.

Explain how it impacts on you

Tell them how your mental health difficulties have impacted your daily life. You may have noticed changes in your appetite or in your sleeping patterns, for example. Perhaps you’re spending more time in your room alone and avoiding others. You may have noticed that you are feeling sad a lot or that your mood is lower than usual.

Tell them how they can help

Tell them how they can support you. They might be able to make more time for you, or perhaps you’d like them to accompany you to a doctor or counsellor. If you’re not sure how they can help right now, that’s okay. Just keep it in mind and share any ideas with them as they come up.

Be ready for questions

Your friend or family member might want to ask you a lot of questions. They might want to know how long you’ve been feeling like this, or what they can do to help. Be prepared for this, and let them know if you begin to feel overwhelmed by the conversation and need to take a break.

Be patient with them

You’ve taken a big step by reaching out for help, and that’s something to be proud of. It might take some time for your friend or family member to process what you’ve shared, so be patient with them. Let them know you understand that this news might be surprising or upsetting, but you came to them because you trust them and need their support.

What if they react badly?

There remains a lot of stigma and misinformation surrounding mental health, and this can sometimes cause people to respond in unhelpful ways. Receiving a dismissive or even hurtful response from someone can be difficult, but remind yourself that the other’s response is not a reflection of you or your value as a person. If you didn’t get the reaction you needed, try discussing this with the person or reaching out to someone else you trust.

If you have spoken to a friend or family member and they have reacted badly, it may be worth giving them some time to think about what you’ve told them, as it may have come as a shock. You could also direct them to information online to help them understand.

It’s important not to let one negative reaction stop you from talking about your mental health. Just because one person may not have responded well doesn’t mean everyone will react the same way.

Getting professional help

Reaching out to a mental health professional is another avenue for accessing the support you need. Consider talking to your GP about your mental health and ask about counselling services in your area.

Jigsaw is a free counselling service for young people aged 12-25 years of age, and has centres around the country.

Turn2Me.ie offer free online counselling to young people age 12-17 and to adults over 18. They also offer online support groups for young people and adults. Find out more about Turn2Me.ie.

Traveller Counselling Service

If you are a young Traveller and would like to speak to a counsellor who works specifically with the Travelling Community, the Traveller Counselling Service can support you. The service works from a culturally inclusive framework which respects Traveller culture, identity, values and norms. They provide Traveller culture centred counselling and psychotherapy. They are a Dublin based service but offer counselling both in person and online.

• Landline: 01 868 5761
• Mobile: 086 308 1476
• Email: [email protected]

Feeling overwhelmed and want to talk to someone?

• Get anonymous support 24/7 with our text message support service
• Connect with a trained volunteer who will listen to you, and help you to move forward feeling better
• Free-text SPUNOUT to 50808 to begin
• Find out more about our text message support service

If you are a customer of the 48 or An Post network or cannot get through using the ‘50808’ short code please text HELLO to 086 1800 280 (standard message rates may apply). Some smaller networks do not support short codes like ‘50808’.