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Although this is a difficult story for me to tell, the fact that I am writing about this now shows me how much strength and resilience I actually have, something that I found with the help of family and friends. If I can find that, others can too. Here’s my story.

There is help out there. I’m still standing today. You are never alone and you will never walk alone.

Grieving

Following my mother’s death, I felt empty. I never ever talked about it. I guess I just didn’t know what to say, or express the pain I was feeling in my gut. But now I have words that can describe how I felt. Those words were confusion, loneliness, heartbreak, and an overwhelming sadness. I was eight when she died so I barely understood the concept of death. I had no idea that death meant somebody was gone forever and they would never return. There were no exceptions, not even if it was your mother.

I remember the moment that I realised I had to live the rest of my life without my mother. I thought about the big things she will miss out on in my life like graduating, getting married, having children. Nothing will ever prepare you for the realisation that the person you adore will miss out on the milestones in your life. I cried an awful lot after that, I couldn’t stop myself. I felt like a part of me was missing. I was completely heartbroken, and in denial. People would always tell me that she’s with me in my heart, but that just wasn’t enough. It soon began to take over my life, I began to grieve, and self harm. Thankfully more supports are available to young people who are dealing with grief these days. If I had had professional support at that time, things may have been different.

I couldn’t function during the day. I would dread that moment of waking up and knowing I had to get through another day. I cried everyday. All I had to do was think of my mother and I would break. It wasn’t as if I had no friends. I had a circle of friends at my new school, but I just felt so alone like nothing mattered to me.

Feelings of hopelessness

As a teenager, I battled anorexia, self harm and endured bullying in school. Suicide wasn’t something I had ever had a discussion about, or researched. Of course I knew what it was before this point, I had never considered it. One day, I found myself in the middle of breakdown. I looked in the mirror and started thinking that I’m not good enough, that my life was a joke. Having been bullied in school for years, I felt like I was still trapped and like the bullying still existed in my head. The thoughts would grow and grow and I remember once I actually grew to be afraid of them.

I had to live with these feelings of hopelessness everyday. They changed me as a person. I became selfish and only thought of myself and my needs. It was meltdown after meltdown and breakdown after breakdown. It was exhausting. I was living in my past even though I had escaped being bullied and tormented, It was still very much alive as ever.

I just wanted to end it all at this stage. I attempted suicide for the first ever time when I was only 15. It happened in the middle of a breakdown when I just couldn’t think straight. I was aware of what I was doing and the people I would leave behind, but all I could think about was being with my mother. It all just seemed so simple, until I saw the hurt I caused to so many people.

Working with my counsellor

It got to a point where it was a vicious circle, where I just saw no way out. I was at counselling session after counselling session, and I wasn’t making progress. My counsellor even asked me “what would your father do if he lost you?” I just replied “he’d get over it.” I was emotionless. It got to a stage where I turned into a liar. I would tell people what they wanted to hear and then I would try all over again. I had tried several times at this stage to take my own life as well as desperately self harming until it got to a point where I was uncontrollable and I had to be sent to an impatient centre for treatment. After seeing the pain I had put my family through, I agreed to this in a bid to save my life and get better.

I spent two months away from my family in an inpatient unit for young people in Dublin. I was in there from February until April. I remember one morning in the hospital, I had a massive breakdown the night before, and I woke up the next morning in this hospital bed, and I couldn’t help feeling angry at myself for putting myself where I was. A nurse came into me then, and said something that will stick with me forever. She said ‘’Joyce, that’s it. That’s the worst part of your life over now. It’s over, there is nothing worse than losing your mother. You hit rock bottom, and now you can only go up.”

You are not alone

I got out of hospital in April 2014. It is now many years later. Do I still have my problems? Yes of course I do, but doesn’t everyone? You are not alone. You never were alone. When I was at my lowest point I always remembered a lyric Eminem rapped in one of his songs ‘’And it’s as though you feel you’ve died ‘cause you’ve been killed inside. But yet you’re still alive, which means you will survive.’’ That line stuck with me. I was still breathing and my heart was still beating. That has to mean something. I constantly told myself that in hospital.

Support from friends and family

The thing is though, I didn’t pull myself through this alone. I just don’t think that’s possible when you are that depressed. The only way I survived suicide was through help from others. Despite what anyone may say, if you are in any situation that you feel like you want to take your life, pick up the phone and call someone. It can be a GP, Pieta House, a parent, a friend, a teacher.

Some people ask me how I’m so strong or the most popular line is ‘’how are you still here, after everything? You are just so strong.’’ My answer is simple. It’s resilience. When things started to look up, I realised I didn’t want to be another statistic. I wanted to be the reason someone looked for help, the reason someone reads this and says to themselves, you know what she’s right. I want to be the person that I didn’t have when I was going through the motions. There is help out there. I’m still standing today. You are never alone and you will never walk alone.

It filled with me a bit of excitement and nervousness when it was confirmed that I would be a climate change volunteer at Electric Picnic (EP). Music festivals, a common fixture in the social calendar of many young people, was never something that particularly appealed to me. Before EP, I hadn’t been to an overnight music festival before, preferring concerts instead. This was something that bewildered several people but not something that really bothered me.

Festival waste

One reason, among many for my lack of interest in festivals is the sheer waste – of tents, drinks, food, sleeping bags etc. This waste, which littered the fields after a festival, is so damaging to public health, never mind the environment. Even in my less climate conscious days, I had never understood why there would be so much waste and why people wouldn’t take home their tents and sleeping bags. To me it just seemed like a normal thing to do and one didn’t need to be a climate change enthusiast to do that.

Anyway, going to the festival, I had high hopes, ever since the school climate strikes and Greta Thunberg’s activism, I have been led to believe that young people are more environmentally conscious than ever. I read how music festivals, particularly in the UK have been cleaning up their act and becoming more sustainable. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was convinced that it would be for the better.

Try to limit what you bring to the festival

I think the first thing I did was not to carry too much luggage; I didn’t know how small my luggage was at the time until I got to the waiting line to take the coach. I was shocked at the sheer amount of stuff that was being taken in – cases of beer cans, a lot of sleeping materials, suitcases and the like. As the luggage outnumbered people by more than 2 to 1, there was actually a low number of people in the bus. So much so, that when they made a public announcement that anyone who didn’t have heavy luggage could come in, I was the only one who got in, in a queue that still had over thirty people. I think this is the first problem – if you carry too much, you are more likely to want to leave stuff there.

Climate Action team

At the festival I was a member of the Climate Action Team. Unlike normal festival volunteers or workers, our job was to make sure that festival goers have an understanding of the Climate Emergency and leave the festival in the most environmentally sustainable way as possible. I was fortunate that I was allocated to a campsite called “Greta.” As you could probably guess, most of us in that campsite where environmentally aware.

Turning knowledge into action

Talking to festival goers, it was clear that a significant majority were adequately informed about the climate emergency. But in my opinion, I felt like many people had a more detached view of it than I was comfortable with. It felt like they believed something should be done but were not as enthusiastic in making environmental pledges. Many often required a nudge to make pledges and while some did, it showed that while they may-be informed, they are not yet ready to make the changes required. This is a telling sign.

Generational gap

The generational divide was also obvious. Older people had very little interest in discussing climate change and some were actively hostile. I have always thought that older people were not as committed but the difference really showed at the festival. Young people, even when not environmentally active, did at least try to give us the time of day. I am not sure what’s the answer to that, but I guess it comes down to us young people to educate our friends and older relatives and get them on board the climate change train.

Cleaning up at the end of the festival

By far the biggest surprise was at the end of the festival. From the feedback from other members of the team, it seemed that most people would be cleaning up after themselves, but even simply taking their tents proved a difficult task for many people. There was a significant increase in the tents being taken home and rubbish being disposed properly, particularly in the campsites that we had a significant presence in, one of which had a 100% clear out. But for the other campsites, it was far short of my expectations. Going around on the final day, I gave out trash bags to a significant number of people, many of which smiled and accepted it gracefully, only for me to turn around to see it dumped on the ground. It really hurt seeing that, young people may be more informed, but it seems that that doesn’t always translate into behaviour change. If the demographic that is most affected and most aware isn’t ready for the change and I include myself in that, then we are in trouble.

This experience has unfortunately made me less, not more optimistic. It is an important lesson for us all that people’s habits and behaviours are difficult to change. Just because we know something is good for us or good for the planet, does not always mean we do it. Finding a way to inform people and to support them to change their behaviour will be key to tackling climate change.

Learn more about climate change and how to take action

• What is climate change
• How does climate change affect Ireland
• 10 facts about climate change
• What is Ireland doing about climate crisis
• How to contact politicians about the climate crisis

This Is Me, a transgender healthcare campaign, are hosting a rally outside Leinster House on Kildare Street in Dublin on Sunday, 22 September at 2pm to protest the state of transgender and non-binary healthcare in Ireland.

Activists and allies will take to the streets to demand safe, accessible, best practice, person centred healthcare for all transgender/non-binary people in Ireland.

Trans healthcare in Ireland

The first community-led protest to demand change to the trans healthcare system in Ireland was held in January 2018. Since then, This Is Me say that the services provided to trans and non-binary people have gotten worse. 

Some of the issues include increased waiting lists for Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), with an increase in refusals for HRT and HRT shortages, no surgeons who can provide ‘top surgery’ or gender affirmation surgery, and increased psychiatric assessment requirements providing a barrier to accessing treatment and care.

The waiting list to see a consultant can also be as long as three years.

What the protesters are asking for

The protesters are calling on the Government to provide safe, accessible, best practice, person centred healthcare for all trans and non-binary people in Ireland.

Their demands include:

• Introduce an informed consent model
• Offer mental health supports, not psychiatric barriers
• Decrease waiting lists
• Surgery/procedure providers in our own country
• Trust not doubt

How to join the Truth about Trans Healthcare rally

If you want to take part in the rally, to call for improved services for yourself or to show your support to trans and non-binary people in Ireland, you can join the protest on Sunday, 22 September at 2pm outside Leinster House on Kildare Street, Dublin 2.

There will be a small number of speakers who will share their experience of the trans healthcare system in Ireland under the theme of “The Truth About Trans Healthcare”.

Banners, signs, flags and chants are encouraged. 

Find the facebook event for the rally here.

Meeting new people can be daunting, especially if you are shy, but if you are looking to make new friends, there are plenty of options to help you do so.

Signing up to sports or other activities can make finding friends a lot easier as you know you have at least one thing in common. Getting a part-time job, if you don’t already have one, or volunteering somewhere can also give you the chance to meet all kinds of different people that you might not have met otherwise. Think of something you want to do and give it a go.

Where can I go to meet new people?

Try to be open to new things and remember that making connections can take time. There are lots of different things you can try, it’s just a matter of finding what is right for you.

Join a team or exercise group

Find an activity somewhere convenient to you and give it a go. Whether it’s team sports, dancing or something else, you’re sure to find something you like.

If you’re interested in team sports, search for local teams in your area and find out about the local clubs. If you haven’t played a sport before or can’t find the sport you want to play locally, it might be worth trying something new. Sports clubs are always delighted to welcome new members and often have a beginners group or a team who just play socially.

If you are more interested in solo exercise that doesn’t mean you always have to work out alone. Running and hiking groups, fitness classes or self defence classes might be for you.

Join a local group or club

You might not be interested in sports at all. There are so many other options from book clubs to board game meetups to language classes or conversation groups.

Your local library is a good starting point for information on what’s going on in the area. Check out their notice board or ask the librarian for information. You can find information online as well. A lot of towns have a Facebook group or forum where people share information on groups in the area. Alternatively Meetup.com is a website where people organise all kinds of activities.

If there is something you’re passionate about and you can’t find a group in your area you could think about starting your own. Again, someone in the library might offer you guidance or advice or you could gauge interest on your town’s Facebook group or by setting up a Meetup.com event.

Volunteer

Volunteering is rewarding in so many ways. Not only will you meet loads of different people but you’ll be helping too. Volunteering will also give you opportunities and experiences you might not have gotten otherwise. You could gain retail experience by volunteering in a charity shop, or even get a qualification or certificate rewarding you for your time and good work. See our article about the benefits of volunteering for more about this.

To find volunteering opportunities in your area you could again ask in your local library or contact organisations that you know use volunteers. Online you can visit our article about volunteering opportunities or go to volunteer.ie to find out about more volunteer opportunities.

Get a part time job

If you aren’t already working and have some free time, work can be a great place to meet new people. You might meet different people of all ages in a new workplace. Some workplaces organise days out but even if yours doesn’t, there are plenty of opportunities to socialise with your colleagues.

If you are looking to find a new job visit our employment section for advice on applying for jobs, interviews and your employment rights.

Go to a support group

It’s not always easy to just make new friends, particularly if you’re experiencing something like grief or a mental or physical illness. A support group may offer an environment you feel more comfortable in. In a support group, you’ll be with people who understand what you’re going through. Specific organisations can help you find a group to suit you. Visit our support services page for information on these.

Alternatively, you could ask your GP or other healthcare professionals if they know of any groups, ask in the library or look on Meetup.com.

Talk to people in school, college, work or where you live

Sometimes it can be easy to overlook people simply because you’ve known them for a long time. That doesn’t mean you can never be friends. It might seem daunting to say hi or ask how their weekend was, but you might end up becoming great friends.

Each new year in college is an opportunity to meet new people as you will have different lectures with new groups. You can also take the opportunity at the beginning of the year to join clubs and societies during freshers week and meet new people through them. Similarly in school use opportunities to mix with new people, such as by sitting beside someone different in class.

You could start a conversation with your neighbour if you meet each other out and about or in work you could suggest to a group of colleagues that you go for lunch together or to do something after your shift. It might seem daunting but people usually appreciate people making an effort like this.

Find a youth group for your specific needs

There are all kinds of youth groups out there and you might find one that specifically suits your needs. If you are part of the LGBTI+ community you should see if there is an LGBTI+ youth group in your area. BelongTo have a directory of LGBTI+ youth groups on their website. Or if you are on the autistic spectrum find out if there is a specific autism youth group near you. Aspire has a directory of autism services, including some youth groups. Our article about how to find a youth group in your area has information on a number of different types of youth groups.

When you start something new starting a conversation with new people can feel daunting, especially if you are introverted or shy. Remember, your conversation doesn’t have to sparkle – ordinary, normal remarks are fine. Have a look at our article How to start a conversation with someone new for more advice.

Read some of our opinion pieces about:

• Making friends at college
• Making friends if you are introverted or shy
• The difference between friends and acquaintances
• Ways to get involved in your community.

The 11th Citizen’s Energy Forum was held in Dublin from the 12th to the 13th of September. The annual forum tries to get the views of citizens on important issues around the European Union’s energy markets and policies. If you’ve ever wondered how the 28 member states of the European Union manage to keep the lights on while moving towards a more environmentally friendly energy supply, this is certainly the conference for you!

This year’s forum made one key change to the norm by inviting young people to attend and get their thoughts on how to achieve a fair and inclusive energy transition for all. These young people came from across almost every EU member state. This included over a dozen from Ireland, with two other Action Panel members and myself attending to represent SpunOut.ie.

The two day event offered us the opportunity to explore the move from fossil fuel to green energy across the EU, and to look at the EU’s climate policy.

What I learned from the Citizen’s Energy Forum

The forum was a great opportunity to better understand what the move to sustainable energy across Europe will look like.

For me, the forum showed that small, local sustainable energy generation, is the likely way forward. This would need to empower people to produce energy through renewable sources. Low interest financing could support this and people should be able to sell any extra energy onto the energy grid.

I don’t feel like the forum properly talked about the fact that many people cannot cannot fix up their houses or apartments to have more sustainable energy usage or sustainable energy production. This is a reality for many people who live in rented accommodation or they simply can’t afford to do so. I believe this simply must be addressed to prevent people falling behind in the energy transition that is needed to meet the ambitious targets of Europe’s Green New Deal.

I found the forum to be enjoyable and worthwhile in attending as almost everyone there was happy to hear the views of young people on this important topic. I believe our attendance had a positive impact and will help European leaders in the energy sector to always think of the views of ordinary young citizens.

Day one – High level discussion

The first day was quite technical and involved a number of high level voices addressing attendees and several panel discussions. To start off the day, Matthew Collins, who is responsible for Energy with the Department of the Environment, welcomed attendees.

The Director General for Energy from the European Commission, Klaus-Dieter Borchardt, then addressed the forum on a number of topics including Europe’s Green New Deal and what it will mean for the EU’s energy market. The ‘Green New Deal’ is a package of policies designed to reach a goal of an emissions-free EU by 2050. It was inspired by a policy proposal by Democrat congressional members in the United States.

The afternoon consisted of several panel discussions and ‘breakout sessions’ with subject matter experts on various areas of the energy market. All of these discussions focused on the key theme of how to make an energy transition inclusive of everyone.

Lack of focus on attendees’ views

The first day of the forum seemed to lack a focus on citizens in the energy market and as important players in making the transition to clean energy. Instead the forum seemed to focus on energy companies and regulators. I felt regular citizens were not seen as important players in the energy market.

Delegates from both SpunOut.ie and the National Youth Council of Ireland made several attempts to draw the organisers’ focus towards the forums aim of “exploring consumers perspective and role in the energy market” by asking several pointed questions. One delegate even said she felt “left behind” by the afternoon discussion, and pointed out that if a young person actively engaged in matters related to climate action felt left behind by the event, then what hope was there for someone less engaged.

Day two – conversations and discussion

The second day began with a panel which included Green Party MEP Ciarán Cuffe and Dan Hatter, an activist in the ‘Fridays for the future’ school strike movement. It was immediately clear from the panel that the second day would have a much different focus. The panel looked for the view of the delegates through interactive polls and Jean-Michel Glachant, the moderator for the panel, looked for the audience’s view on the topics being talked about.

The main points from the forum were then drafted into a report which would be sent to the European Commission. Robert Nesirky of the National Youth Council of Ireland managed to have a paragraph which mentioned that the forum “echoes the call of youth organisations and youth movements within the forum, to ensure that discourse and policy development regarding a just energy transition is framed within the context of the climate emergency” included in the report.

I hope that our presence at the Forum offered a fresh take and shows that many young people are interested in the debate. I hope it also shows the power of groups of citizens to build climate resilience. I would encourage any young person to attend the 12th EU Citizen Energy Forum at Dublin Castle in November 2020.

Climate Case Ireland: Judgement Day

On September 19th the High Court found in favour of the Government in what became known simply as the ‘Climate Case Ireland.’

What’s the background?

The landmark case was taken by an environmental activist group known as Friends of the Irish Environment. They argued that the Irish government’s 2017 National Mitigation Plan failed to comply with the Climate Act 2015. They also argued that the adoption of the plan would be unconstitutional as it failed to protect the fundamental rights set out in the constitution, such as the rights to life, bodily integrity and environmental protection.

They also argued that the plan fell far short of meeting Ireland’s obligations under the Paris Climate Agreement.

The complex arguments of the case were heard back in January but, as is often the case in the High Court, judgement was only made months later.

 

What was the result?

In his judgement, Mr Justice Michael McGrath said that the case was “very complex” and a “matter of both law and science.”He also acknowledged that while Friends of the Irish Environment argued that “the plan is inadequate,” it is “a living document” and an “initial step in making the country low carbon and environmentally sustainable by 2050.”

His decision hinged upon the fact that he was “not satisfied that the making of the plan” alone could infringe upon people’s constitutional rights. This means that the plan alone was not enough to show that the government’s response to climate change was damaging the people’s rights. He also referenced the ‘separation of powers’ which is the idea that politics and the courts should remain separate. In this case, it meant that the judge couldn’t tell politicians how to make policy.

 

What next?

Sadhbh O’Neill, a spokeswoman for Friends of the Irish Environment spoke briefly to the waiting press outside the Four Courts after the judgement. She was unable to confirm if they plan to appeal the judgement, saying that they would wait for a copy of the written judgement before deciding whether or not to appeal.

If the Friends of the Irish Environment wish to appeal, their next hearing will be in the Court of Appeal which sits between the High Court and the Supreme Court.

The spokeswoman for Friends of the Irish Environment said the group felt “somewhat reassured” as the judge said they had ‘standing’ to take the case. The ‘standing’ means they have the right to take a case to court. This can often be a difficult thing to get for NGOs which represent the interests of the public.

Even if this case goes no further, the court’s decision that the group has standing might help them with the case, or similar cases, in the future.

There have been a number of similar cases across the world recently. The Urgenda Case in the Netherlands is seen by many as the best international example in recent Climate cases. It saw the Dutch government ordered to reduce their carbon emissions quicker, to better meet the worsening climate emergency.

How can you get involved?

While Friends of the Irish Environment did not succeed in proving that the National Mitigation Plan was unconstitutional, they reached an important milestone by being recognised to bring the case relating to the climate emergency to court.

They also have the option to appeal and I would encourage anyone interested in the case to follow developments over on climatecaseireland.ie. You can keep up to date on what the government is doing about the climate crisis and how to contact politicians about climate change if you want to raise any issues with them.

Guilt is an emotion we all feel from time to time. You might feel it when you think you did or said something wrong. Dealing with feelings of guilt can be difficult and might take some time to work through.

What is guilt?

People can experience guilt when they have the impression that they behaved in a way that wasn’t right, fair, or true to their real selves. While guilt is often associated with actions, people can also feel guilty for thinking certain thoughts.

In general, there are two types of guilt: healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt.

Healthy guilt

Guilt can sometimes be a healthy emotion when felt in response to a harmful or inconsiderate action. In such cases, guilt can remind us of the value in trying to apologise for it, take responsibility for the negative consequences, and learn from it. For example, if you forget your friend’s birthday, healthy guilt might remind you to apologise and put it in your calendar for next year so you don’t forget again.

Unhealthy guilt

Guilt can become unhealthy when you are having irrational feelings about a situation that isn’t your fault or you have no control over. In such cases, you could be expecting too much from yourself (which is quite common), or you may feeling guilty because someone else has suggested that you are responsible for an outcome that was not within your control.

For example, if a friend failed an exam that you did really well in, you might feel guilty, despite the fact that you had no control over how your friend performed. Alternatively, you might feel guilty for not spending enough time with friends while you are studying for important exams. Sometimes you can expect too much of yourself, or others can expect too much from you. When these expectations exist and you find unable to satisfy them, they can result in feelings of guilt.

What can feelings of guilt do to you?

Guilt can have positive and negative influences on your behaviour. Healthy guilt encourages you to consider the consequences of your actions and to learn from them. Unhealthy guilt, however, may cause you to be overly hard on yourself about ways you should have or could have behaved in the past.

Below are some of the ways that guilt can affect you in your daily life:

Encourage you to take responsibility for your actions

Not accepting responsibility for an issue you may have played a part in can leave you feeling a certain degree of healthy guilt. You can often gain some relief by acknowledging your responsibility for certain outcomes and moving on to make amends, if necessary.

Encourage you to try to ‘fix’ the problem

Healthy guilt can remind you that you did something wrong, or didn’t do something that you should have done. These feelings of guilt may encourage you to resolve the problem as best you can.

After trying to make amends, it is best to accept that people might need time to forgive you if your actions significantly affected their lives. In the meantime, work on forgiving yourself—something which can also take time—and learning from the experience. If you still feel guilty after sincerely apologising, taking responsibility for your actions, and doing all you can to resolve the issue, you may be experiencing unhealthy guilt.

Drive you to take excessive responsibility

Unhealthy guilt experienced over a long period of time can have negative effects on your mental health. This feeling can drive people to take excessive responsibility for situations beyond their control, leading them to blame themselves unnecessarily. You might try to make sure everything is ‘perfect’ for everyone and put substantial pressure on yourself to keep everyone happy. Trying to please everyone all the time or taking responsibility for other people’s happiness is not sustainable, and is likely to take its toll on you and others around you.

Leave you feeling overwhelmed

If you are feeling unhealthy guilt and trying to keep everyone happy all the time, you might eventually feel overwhelmed by the level of responsibility you are assuming. This unhealthy guilt may:

• Cause you to withdraw, avoiding people and social situations when possible
• Affect your decision making
• Leave you feeling stressed
• Impact your ability to feel the full range of your emotions

Cause feelings of anxiety

Feeling guilty for a long period of time can cause anxiety. If you are experiencing anxiety you might feel excessive nervousness, fear and worry. Anxiety can affect you in several ways and impact both your mental and physical health.

If you think you may be experiencing anxiety, check out our article on dealing with anxiety.

What can you do about your guilt?

You can follow some practical steps to help manage your feelings of guilt.

Identify why you feel guilty

By identifying where your feelings of guilt are coming from you can check if you are feeling healthy or unhealthy guilt. There are practical things you can do to help with your feelings of healthy guilt. Unhealthy guilt might be more difficult to deal with and may take longer to work through.

Apologise

If you have identified that you are feeling healthy guilt and understand why, you could start by apologising to the person who you think you wronged. Depending on how bad the issue was, they might not accept your apology straight away. They might need time to reflect, see you making amends and or trying to resolve the problem.

Try to fix the problem

Not all problems can be resolved, and it is not always within our power to “fix” things. However, in cases where a resolution seems possible, consider doing what you can to improve the situation. You may need to ask the person who you have wronged for help. This can be daunting, but in the long run, asking how you can help can avoid making the problem worse. A friend or family member who knows about the situation might also be able to offer advice.

Accept it

Recognise that you made a mistake and that you have done all you can to resolve the issue. Accept that it might take a while for things to go back to normal with the person you have wronged. If you can show them you are sorry and give them time to process this, they will hopefully forgive you.

Learn from it

When you have done what you can to make amends, reflect on what you did or said and why you did or said it. Learn from the mistake you made, the impact it had on the other person, and how the person responded when you attempted to resolve the issue. Ask yourself how you might have approached things differently.

Read more about dealing with conflicts and fights in relationships.

What to do if your feelings of guilt are persistent

If you are experiencing a lot of unhealthy guilt and are struggling to handle it, here are some things you could do:

Check your guilt

Ask yourself some questions about your guilt:

• Have you done all you can do to improve the situation?
• Are you feeling guilty about something that is out of your control?
• Is your guilt based on someone else’s expectations?
• Does the guilt you feel correspond to what you did?

These questions might help you realise that your guilt is unhealthy guilt.

Talk about it with someone

Talking to someone about your guilt will offer a different opinion on the situation and your actions. They might help you realise if you are feeling unnecessarily guilty. Saying a problem out loud can also help you to see it differently and make it seem more manageable. You could talk to a family member, a friend, or consider going for counselling to speak to someone in confidence.

Identify why you are feeling unrealistic pressure

If you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, it may be influenced by an external factor. For example, a parent, guardian or friend might be expecting too much of you. Try to talk to them and explain how you are feeling. They may not have realised the effect their behaviour was having on you.

Some external factors are harder to deal with. For example, you might be feeling guilty every time you spend money because your parents or guardians are struggling financially. This can be tricky but discussing it with your guardian(s) might help. They might outline what they see as ‘fair’ spending and what they see as excessive. This way you know what you can spend and don’t need to feel guilty about it.

For further advice on dealing with conflict with your parents our article getting along with my parents might help.

Find out if your guilt is related to something else

You may be experiencing unhealthy guilt as a result of a different problem. Try to identify what else is going on in your life that could be causing you difficulty. When this problem is resolved, you may find that your feelings of guilt may diminish. While the feeling of unhealthy guilt may lessen with resolution of the problem, it’s important to also reflect on why this unresolved problem led to feelings of guilt in the first place. Working with an accredited psychotherapist or other mental health professional can guide you through this process of self-reflection.

If you think you might be experiencing anxiety, depression or another mental health issue, learn more from the Mental Health section of our website.

This week, SpunOut.ie are running our Simple Changes campaign. The aim of this campaign is to help you find ways you can introduce small changes to your life that can help to improve your physical and mental wellbeing. 

Whether it’s finding new ways to motivate yourself, learning how to pick up healthier eating habits, or making time for exercise when you lead a busy life, these articles are here to support you to make a change, one small step at a time. 

Find a list of articles and opinion pieces to help you work on a balanced lifestyle below:

Body image is important. Our body image is all about how we see ourselves and the way we feel about our body. Everybody has body image, and we will all experience negative and positive feelings towards ourselves at different points of our lives. 

Learning how to improve our body image, and how to be more body positive, is good for our mental and physical wellbeing. Once we understand our relationship to our bodies, it can help us to figure out how best to look after ourselves through exercise, healthy eating, and checking in with our minds.

Find out how much you know about body image with this quiz:

Research shows that people with higher levels of self-compassion tend to be less anxious and depressed. You can learn to practise self-compassion regardless of your current physical or mental health. Whether you’re looking to mind your well-being or recover from a stressful event or ongoing mental health condition, practising self-compassion can be beneficial.

What is self-compassion?

While people may think of self-compassion in different ways, self-compassion is generally understood as the commitment to care for yourself during difficult times. Self-compassion means being kind to yourself when going through difficult situations, instead of blaming yourself. Some people may have negative views about self-compassion because they believe it is about being overly kind to yourself and can lead to laziness. However, it is possible to achieve your goals without harsh self-criticism. Self-compassion can help you to be more empathetic towards yourself, understand your problems and find positive solutions to help resolve them.

What is the difference between self-compassion and self-kindness?

While self-kindness involves speaking gently and warmly to yourself, self-compassion has many different aspects.

These aspects include:

• Actively caring about your distress and responding to it with warmth
• Recognising that others also go through difficult times and that you’re not alone but connected to others through shared struggles
• Acknowledging your pain rather than avoiding or exaggerating it

Self-compassion goes beyond just being kind to yourself. It includes practical steps like:

• Acknowledging difficult emotions and pain
• Reflecting on these emotions to make sense of them
• Choosing a helpful, non-harmful response

By doing this, you can avoid unintentionally increasing your pain in response to difficult situations. Choosing harmful coping mechanisms like avoidance or substance misuse to numb pain may help you cope in the short term. However, it is likely to make you more distressed in the long term.

Six reasons to practise self-compassion

Practising self-compassion can offer a range of benefits, such as:

• Increases self-acceptance: Over time, self-compassion can reduce the number of harsh judgments you make about yourself and help to bring about a greater sense of self-acceptance
• Reduces overthinking: By being more connected with yourself, you may become less likely to overthink and dwell on negative thoughts
• Reduces symptoms of anxiety and low mood: Practising self-compassion regularly can relieve feelings of anxiety and depression, helping to improve your overall emotional well-being
• Builds resilience: Self-compassion strengthens your ability to cope with challenges and setbacks, making it easier to bounce back from stressful situations
• Promotes physical health: Self-compassion is linked to improved physical wellbeing. Feeling more self-compassionate can encourage you to take care of your basic needs, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly. You are more likely to mind yourself during challenging times when you value your own well-being
• Improves relationships: Many of the skills learned in practising self-compassion also apply to your relationships with others. When you treat yourself with compassion, it becomes easier to show that compassion to others, leading to healthier and more positive relationships

What stops people from being self-compassionate?

People can feel reluctant to be self-compassionate for many reasons, such as:

• Fear of losing motivation: Some feel that being compassionate towards themselves will make them “lazy”, and worry that without self-criticism, they won’t be motivated to get things done. However, practising self-compassion is unlikely to lead to laziness or loss of motivation
• Fear of becoming less successful: Many people fear that becoming less self-critical (and more self-compassionate) will lead to decreased performance at school, work or other core areas of their life. They believe that self-criticism is necessary to push themselves toward goals and achievements
• Fear of being ‘weak’ or ‘self-indulgent’: Some people may feel pressure from their cultural or social environment, where self-compassion is not valued or is misunderstood, making it harder to practice. Self-compassion may be seen as a sign of weakness or something that makes a person look less capable or tough compared to those who seem to get by without it
• Difficult to practise in distress: During moments of intense anxiety or low mood, shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion can feel almost impossible
• Lack of familiarity: For some, self-compassion might feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable because they haven’t been taught or encouraged to treat themselves less critically, making it difficult to know where to start

While these barriers may seem challenging at first, they can come from mistaken beliefs about what self-compassion is. By learning more about self-compassion and its many benefits, you may begin to feel more motivated to give it a try.

How to practise self-compassion

One size does not fit all, so you may benefit more from practising self-compassion if you choose an approach that fits your needs and cultural background.

Generally, there are two main approaches to self-compassion:

• Mindful Self-Compassion Techniques: This approach makes use of mindfulness-based practices and encourages tuning into your emotions, taking a more balanced, less critical view of yourself, and recognising that you’re not alone in facing challenges
• Compassion Focused Therapy: This approach teaches people to develop the courage to confront distressing life events and learn kinder ways of responding to them

A recent study involving young people aged 14-24 found that many prefer self-compassion practices aimed at reducing self-criticism, rather than just increasing self-kindness. Self-criticism often involves harsh or disparaging thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I’m not good enough.”

If you are interested in finding a psychotherapist or other qualified mental health professional with experience of compassion-focused therapies, visit our factsheet on how to access private counselling or psychotherapy. If cost is a barrier, it is also possible to learn to practise self-compassion on your own. Resources like those provided by Positive Psychology may be helpful. You can find tips below on how to challenge your self-critical voice and gain greater self-awareness, both key to developing self-compassion.

How to challenge your inner critic

• Recognise when your self-critical voice appears: This can help prevent you from over-identifying with this critical voice, as you learn to see it as just one perspective, not the truth
• Question the critic’s accuracy: Challenge self-critical thoughts by asking, “Is this really true?” or “Where’s the evidence for this belief?” Often, self-criticism is based on exaggerations or unhelpful assumptions
• Speak  kindly to yourself: Respond to your inner critic as if you were speaking with a friend. For example, you might say something like, “It’s okay to feel disappointed, but this doesn’t define my worth.”
• Write a self-compassion letter: It can help to write  to yourself and acknowledge what you’re feeling and why. In doing so, remember that showing yourself self-compassion is not the same as being self-pitying or sugar-coating things. Instead, it involves moving towards a more balanced, realistic view of yourself and the situation

How to become more self-aware

• Avoid comparing yourself to others: Comparing yourself to someone you think is doing better than you can make self-criticism worse. Instead, focus on your own progress and growth. Doing this is more helpful than trying to live up to unrealistic standards set by others or by your inner critic
• Be mindful of what you’re feeling: Instead of criticising yourself for feeling a certain way, try to become curious about what a certain feeling might mean
• Reflect before you act: Noticing and reflecting on your feelings can help you make sense of what you’re experiencing. This understanding may, in turn, help you to confront the cause of your distress. Experiencing difficult emotions from time to time is inevitable. However, being able to distinguish between harmful and non-harmful coping mechanisms can reduce unnecessary pain
• Consider the bigger picture: Remind yourself that everyone faces challenges and makes mistakes. Sometimes, you can soften your self-critical voice by realising that difficult experiences are a normal part of being human

Learning to practise self-compassion is not always easy. However, with regular practice, it can make a real difference to the quality of your life.

Discussing and looking after your mental health in a relationship is important, for both you and your partner. Treating your own mental health like a secret can bring a lot of stress, and may make your symptoms worse. By being upfront with your partner, you can build a stronger relationship through open communication and by naming your condition.

If you are in a relationship and struggle with your mental health, you may be unsure about bringing up how you’ve been feeling with your partner. Here are some ways to start the conversation.

Talking to your partner about your mental health

Knowing when to talk to your partner about difficulties with your mental health can be difficult. You might not want to bring it up at the start of a relationship because it could be something very personal to you. Equally, you might not want to wait too long to discuss it for fear of your partner feeling like you have been keeping it from them.

It’s entirely up to you when to discuss it, and when you do, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Talk to them about it

When you decide to have a conversation about your mental health with your partner, you could try to choose a time when you are feeling well, or better able to handle the conversation. But if this is not possible, opening up is still a good idea.

Speak honestly and try to help your partner understand as much as they can.

Some things you could try include:

• Using a drawing/image or writing a letter to explain what you’ve been going through
• Telling them about things that trigger you, like big crowds or certain topics of discussion
• Letting them know your own limits and how much you can discuss in one day

Give them information about your condition

In order for your partner to be able to support you, it can help for them to understand what you’re experiencing. Try to give them some information about your condition, what you experience, and how you manage this experience. If you see a mental health professional, like a counsellor, you could suggest that they come to an appointment so that they can ask questions and learn how to support you.

Let them know how they can help

If you have an idea about what your partner could do to support you, let them know. Consider having a conversation where you share ideas about how you can help each other to best manage some of the challenges you are facing. If you’re not sure how your partner can help, that’s okay too – ideas are likely to come to you as you go about your daily routine together.

Remember you are more than your condition

It’s important to remember that things like anxiety and depression are conditions, they are not a part of you or your personality. Reminding your partner of this and naming difficult moments as ones of anxiety or depression can help you manage these challenges together as a couple.

Physical intimacy and mental health

Medication for the symptoms of a mental health condition can reduce your desire to be physically intimate with your partner. This is completely okay; everyone goes through periods where their desire for intimacy changes.

Talk to your partner about how it is affecting you. If you are concerned about your symptoms and are on medication, talk to your doctor about finding ways to reduce and manage possible side effects. It can also help to talk to your partner about each of your sexual needs in order to find a way to make things work for both of you. There are also other ways of showing physical affection with your partner such as hugging and cuddling.

It might also be a good idea to remind yourself and your partner that neither of you is to blame for this, and that it may only be temporary.

Most importantly, if you are in a relationship and struggling with your mental health, remember that you deserve a loving, healthy, and strong relationship, whatever your health history may be.

Looking after your mental health in a relationship

Regardless of whether or not you or your partner are dealing with mental health difficulties, it is still important to find ways to look after your mental health when you’re in a relationship.

Looking after yourself, as well as considering how your partner is feeling, can lead to a healthier relationship where you can both be open with each other about what’s going on.

Develop your own coping strategies

It’s important to remember that you have the power to take care of your mental wellbeing, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Even when you’re feeling down, your partner might not be able to make you feel better right away, and that’s okay. While things like going for a walk or reading a book aren’t magic fixes, especially if you’re dealing with significant mental health challenges, identifying what helps you feel better can make a big difference. Creating a list of these coping strategies can give you a sense of control and confidence in your ability to manage your mood.

To learn more, you can explore our factsheets on coping mechanisms, changing negative thought patterns, and using emotional regulation techniques.

Opening up to someone about your mental health can be difficult, especially if it’s your employer. You might be unsure when to bring it up, or how to go about having the conversation. You may be afraid of what will happen if you speak about mental health at work. However, sharing what you’re going through can be a huge relief and could make your work life a lot easier.

It’s important to know that in Ireland, you’re not obligated to discuss your mental health with your employer if you don’t want to. However, if you choose to, it can be an empowering step.

This article provides possible answers to some of these questions, and covers the following important areas:

Reasons for speaking about your mental health at work
Who you might speak to about these challenges
How to have a conversation about your mental health at work
Reasonable accommodations for an employee struggling with mental health difficulties
How to deal with discrimination in the workplace

Reasons for speaking about your mental health at work

The first step is deciding whether you want to talk to your employer about your mental health at work. This is a personal choice, and it’s important to weigh the benefits before making a decision. You may wish to inform an employer when applying for a job or in advance of a job interview if you require accommodations to engage in the assessment or interview process.

If you are already working, the following are some potential benefits that might result from speaking to your employer:

• Supportive work environment: You may be able to make changes to your workplace or workday that better suit your needs
• Increased understanding: If you feel like you haven’t been performing at your best, sharing your struggles could help your employer understand why
• Access to support: Your employer might offer an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP), which often includes free, confidential counselling. Some workplaces even allow you to contact the EAP without anyone else knowing. Employees should be able to access EAP if it’s provided regardless of whether or not they inform their employer about their mental health concerns. Speaking with a counsellor can help you decide whether to talk to your employer
• Sense of relief: You might feel a sense of relief after sharing your situation, knowing that you don’t have to carry it alone
• Reducing stigma: By opening up about your own experience, you might help reduce the stigma around mental health at work
• Taking sick leave: If your mental health takes a sudden dip or you experience a relapse of a mental health condition, you may need to ask your employer for time off so that you can recover

If you feel that your mental health issues are related to your work environment or burnout at the office, it’s important to discuss this with your employer. Talk about how the working environment or company culture is affecting your mental well-being and explore whether any changes can be made to better support you on the job.

Decide who to talk to about your mental health at work

If you decide to discuss your mental health with your employer, the next step is choosing the right person to talk to. Consider who you trust at work and who is likely to offer the support you need. Take your time making this decision, and remember, you don’t have to have this conversation unless you’re ready.

Speaking to your manager about your mental health

If you feel confident that your manager will be understanding and keep your information confidential, they could be a good choice. It is important to bear in mind that your manager may be required to inform Human Resources (HR). It is best to check about what confidentiality is offered in the workplace first by consulting your employee handbook.

Letting your manager know about your struggles can help provide context for any recent changes in your work performance. They might be able to adjust your workload or work environment to make things easier for you. Additionally, they may connect you with other available supports within your workplace.

Talking to your employer may help you access occupational health support, which is different from Employee Assistance Programs (EAP). Occupational health services are usually provided by medical professionals like doctors, nurses, physiotherapists, and psychologists. They can help support your mental health and well-being at work, aiming to prevent the need for time off due to mental health issues. The availability and size of these services can vary from one business to another.

Speaking to human resources about your mental health at work

If you’re concerned that your manager might not be understanding, consider speaking to someone in Human Resources (HR) first, if your company has a HR department. HR is there to help with any difficulties you may encounter at work, and they’re often equipped to support you in situations like this. They may already have policies in place to guide you through the process. If you choose to talk to your manager first, they might also suggest you speak with HR afterwards for additional support.

Bear in mind that if you choose to speak to HR instead of your manager, HR may reserve the right to reveal details of your conversation to your manager. Check the limits of confidentiality before deciding to speak to a HR representative.

Speaking to a coworker about your mental health

Before approaching your manager or someone from HR, you might find it helpful to first talk to a coworker you trust. A colleague who understands your day-to-day workload and knows what you’re going through can offer valuable support. Having someone in the workplace who gets what you’re experiencing can be a relief when things are tough. They might also be able to support you in taking the next step of speaking to your employer about the issue.

Keep in mind that if your co-worker is higher up in the organisation, they might be required to report the details of the conversation to HR. There is no guarantee of confidentiality when informing a co-worker. It is best to be direct and tell them if you would prefer them not to discuss what you have disclosed with other people.

How to have a conversation about your mental health at work

Depending on your relationship with your employer, there are a few different ways you can approach the conversation. It’s a good idea to choose a quiet day and find a private space where you feel comfortable.

You have full control over how much you share with your employer, and if you prefer not to, you don’t have to mention your condition by name. Sometimes, your employer might ask for more details about your situation, so it can be helpful to have a note from your doctor or a mental health professional. This note can explain your condition, how it affects you, and suggest any adjustments that might help you at work. You may not have spoken to a doctor or mental health professional about your mental health issues before, and that’s OK too.

Reasonable accommodations

Once you’ve talked to your employer, you can begin taking steps to manage your mental health at work. It’s important to work together with your employer to find an arrangement that works for both of you.

In Ireland, the Employment Equality Acts require employers to make reasonable accommodations for employees with disabilities, which includes those experiencing ongoing mental health challenges. These accommodations help ensure that everyone has equal opportunities at work, including during job interviews, training, and when returning to work after a mental health-related absence.

Some individuals may not want or need reasonable accommodations. They may simply want to inform their employer about their mental health. This is perfectly acceptable. However, if you do need supportive changes, below are some examples of reasonable accommodations for mental health. It’s important to remember that what’s considered “reasonable” may vary depending on the workplace. It might be reasonable to request a remote working arrangement in some cases. However, it may not be feasible in jobs where a person’s physical presence is required, e.g., a mechanic.

• Time off for medical appointments: Taking time off to attend appointments with healthcare professionals
• Mentoring and peer support: Access to support from colleagues or mentors
• Phased return to work: Gradually returning to work with reduced hours or responsibilities, if needed
• Flexible hours or remote work: Adjusting work hours or allowing you to work from home
• Adjusting duties: Changing or reducing specific tasks in consultation with you
• Training and support: Providing training to help you perform your job effectively
• Changing workspace: Relocating your desk to a quieter, more comfortable area

Occupational therapy support

It can be helpful to seek additional advice from your doctor, an occupational health specialist, or a mental health support group. You do not require a doctor’s note to start a conversation about mental health with your employer. However, some organisations may ask to see a GP note if you are also requesting reasonable accommodations. They may also ask you to see an Occupational Health doctor who is contracted by the employer. The Occupational Health doctor may seek permission to contact your GP.

Occupational therapists can also assist by evaluating which work activities are challenging for you. They can help you develop a plan to address those challenges. This support is especially useful for people with moderate to severe long-term mental health conditions. In these cases, people may find it more challenging to maintain stable employment. If needed, your GP or public health nurse may be able to refer you to a primary care occupational therapist. This therapist should have experience of supporting individuals with long-term mental health difficulties. If you are involved with a community mental health team, they may have an occupational therapist who can offer support.

In some cases, where an individual is struggling with more severe difficulties, reasonable accommodations may not be enough and they may need to take a period of leave.

Dealing with discrimination in the workplace

If you experience any discrimination at work because of your mental health, it’s important to know that this is against the law under the Employment Equality Act. Discrimination in the workplace is illegal, and you have rights to protection.

You can learn more about the types of workplace discrimination by visiting the Irish Human Rights and Equality Commission (IHREC) website. If you face discrimination, you can file a complaint with the Workplace Relations Commission. Remember, you must file your complaint within six months of when the suspected act of discrimination took place.