CW // This piece discusses suicide. Please look after yourself if you choose to read on. Our text support service details are listed below.
My experience of suicide bereavement is like no other, not because my pain is lesser or greater than someone else’s, but because we are all different.
The news of my younger sister’s suicide struck like a bolt of lightning, tearing through the fabric of my reality. I was on Facetime with my best friend, discussing our summer plans when an emptiness suddenly reached through me and tugged at my heartstrings.
Suicide and grief
Our innocent childhood memories are now haunted by questions of what could have been done differently, and confusion rattled a numbness in my bones. The heartache and guilt for not being able to prevent her pain linger like a relentless storm, adding to the punch of trauma.
As time progresses, the question of “why?” constantly echoes within my mind. The search for answers becomes a relentless quest, but I soon realise that closure may remain unreachable.
The burden of understanding the complicated web of emotions that led to her death weighs heavily on my heart, making me confront the depths of human suffering and vulnerability. The days turn into years, and healing feels like a slow, wandering journey with no fixed destination.
The process is riddled with ups and downs, and some days it feels like I’m making progress, while others I’m stuck in the same abyss of pain. I’ve come to understand that healing is not linear; it involves embracing the wounds as a necessary part of who I am.
Managing suicide loss with therapy
Finding professional help was the biggest thing that supported me. I didn’t know my therapist’s experiences and found knowing little about my therapist personally helpful. Seeking assistance created a safe space where I could freely express my feelings and receive guidance on how to cope.
The professional offered me empathy and validation, addressing my guilt and regret while also addressing unresolved emotions. Through this therapeutic relationship, I found a lifeline that guided me towards understanding and acceptance amidst the storm of loss.
HUGG offer hope and healing by providing information, telephone support and local peer support groups led by volunteers with lived experience. If you would like to attend a HUGG Group just complete the form here ‘join a group’ or call them on 01 513 4048 (monitored answering machine) or email [email protected] for more information.
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- Get anonymous support 24/7 with our text message support service
- Connect with a trained volunteer who will listen to you, and help you to move forward feeling better
- Free-text SPUNOUT to 50808 to begin
- Find out more about our text message support service
If you are a customer of the 48 or An Post network or cannot get through using the ‘50808’ short code please text HELLO to 086 1800 280 (standard message rates may apply). Some smaller networks do not support short codes like ‘50808’.