Write a letter to your loved one

It can take time to come to terms with the fact that a person is no longer with you. It’s important to give yourself the space you need to experience these feelings. It can help to reach out to friends, family or services for support.

Grief is not just sadness. It can affect your emotions, physical well-being, and behaviour. When it comes to your emotions, you may experience a range of feelings, including anger, guilt, relief, and even moments of happiness alongside sadness. 

Your thoughts can feel all over the place at once, and you might find it hard to make decisions or stop replaying memories repeatedly in your head. 

One way to process your feelings is to write a letter to the person who has died. Remembering a loved one creates connections to memories which can be both healing and painful at the same time. Writing a letter to them can be a way to keep their memory alive while helping you feel connected to them.

What should I write in my letter?

It can be difficult to dig through your mind to find the right words you would like to say to the person who died. It is okay to write this letter over time or in sections rather than all in one go. Learn how to deal with difficult emotions.

When you begin the letter, try to remind yourself that there is no wrong way to write your letter. Remember that no one will see this letter unless you want to show it to someone.

Here are some questions to help you start your letter:

• What do you miss about them?
• What is the last thing you wish you could have said to them before they died?
• What has changed in your life since they died?
• What were you doing when you heard they died?
• How much time has passed since you last spoke to them?
• How do you share your memories of them with others?
• What is something you learned from them that you’re grateful for?

What should I do with my letter?

What you do with the letter is completely up to you. Here are some things you can do with your letter:

• Find a private place for safekeeping
• Share it with other family members or friends
• Leave it as a memorial if there is a burial site
• Safely get rid of the letter by tearing it up and putting it in the bin

You may have lingering feelings after writing a letter to your loved one. If you need help dealing with difficult emotions, it’s okay to reach out for help from friends, family or services for support.

Feeling overwhelmed and want to talk to someone?

• Get anonymous support 24/7 with our text message support service
• Connect with a trained volunteer who will listen to you, and help you to move forward feeling better
• Whatsapp us now or free-text SPUNOUT to 50808 to begin.
• Find out more about our text message support service

If you are a customer of the 48 or An Post network or cannot get through using the ‘50808’ short code please text HELLO to 086 1800 280 (standard message rates may apply). Some smaller networks do not support short codes like ‘50808’.