How to build resilience

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from challenges, stress, and setbacks. When you build resilience, you are not avoiding life’s difficulties, but developing the inner resources and skills to cope with them.

Improving your resilience is important because it can lead to an improved quality of life. It can help you manage difficult emotions, tackle problems head-on, and adapt to life’s ups and downs. The good news is that resilience isn’t something you’re either born with or without, it’s a capacity we all have and can work on to develop and strengthen over time.

Read more about resilience and the relationship between resilience and mental health.

How to strengthen your resilience

There are many ways to build resilience in the long term. Below are some strategies you might try. Know that, in general, building resilience requires time, effort and patience. Try not to hold yourself to extremely high standards or expect instant results. Be kind to yourself throughout the process, since the practice of self-compassion can help to support you as you improve and maintain resilience.

Build strong relationships

Investing in supportive and positive relationships with family, friends, and colleagues can help you build resilience. A strong support network gives you people to lean on during difficult times and helps you handle challenges more effectively.

If you’re going through a stressful period, such as exams or a tough time at work, reach out to a close friend or family member for a chat. Let them know what you’re feeling. Simply talking things through with someone you trust can help ease the burden and offer new perspectives. You can also strengthen relationships by regularly checking in on others, offering support, and being there for them when they need it. These small actions can make a big difference in building a solid support system.

Set manageable goals

Setting manageable goals can help you build resilience in the long term. This might involve increasing your ability to tackle problems by breaking them down into manageable steps and finding practical solutions.

For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by a large project at work or school, start by breaking it down into smaller tasks. Make a list of each step you need to complete, such as researching, drafting, and revising. Focus on one task at a time and set small goals for each step. By tackling each part individually, the project will seem less daunting and more achievable. This approach of setting achievable goals and working towards them not only helps you manage the workload but can also improve your confidence and belief in your abilities.

Develop positive coping mechanisms

Try to develop coping mechanisms that support you while you do the difficult work of addressing the root cause of difficulties. It’s not always easy but in the long term it can be more helpful to engage with difficult emotions rather than attempting to numb or suppress them. Similarly, it can help to reflect on situations rather than reacting to them immediately.

If you’re feeling anxious about something, you might be tempted to distract yourself with binge-watching TV shows or scrolling through social media posts. Next time, try to explore and understand the emotion more deeply. Often, our emotions can signal underlying challenges that need to be addressed. If your anxiety is due to a conflict with a friend, consider having an open conversation with them about your feelings. If you’re uncertain about a future decision, consider writing down your thoughts and concerns. Creating a plan can help with exploring your options and seeking advice from trusted people.

Facing the source of your distress directly and finding constructive ways to manage it can improve your ability to handle challenges. However, it’s important to recognise that sometimes, the source of distress may not be easily “fixed” or resolved. In such cases, building resilience involves developing the ability to tolerate and reflect on these emotions, gaining insights that can lead to personal growth and positive changes. Seeking support through psychotherapy or counselling can also be beneficial in this process.

Practise self-care

Prioritise activities that promote physical and mental well-being, such as regular exercise, nutritious diet, sufficient sleep, and stress management (e.g., yoga, mindfulness practices, grounding techniques, and breathing exercises).

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you might start by setting up a daily routine that includes time for self-care. You might begin by going outside in the mornings to boost your energy and mood or preparing a nutritious breakfast to fuel your day. Schedule regular breaks throughout your day to practise mindfulness or do some deep breathing exercises. Make sure to get a full night’s sleep by establishing a calming bedtime routine and avoiding devices that emit blue light for an hour before going to bed. By incorporating these habits into your daily life, you can improve your overall well-being and better handle stress and challenges.

Develop emotional regulation skills

Emotional regulation is about understanding and managing your feelings in a healthy way. It means knowing how to handle less welcome emotions, like anger or sadness, so they don’t overwhelm you. It’s not about ignoring your feelings, but learning how to soothe yourself and respond in a way that helps, rather than increases your discomfort.

To improve your emotional regulation skills, you might work on increasing your ability to manage difficult emotions. This can help you to respond thoughtfully when difficult emotions arise rather than reacting impulsively. Techniques like mindfulness, meditation, or journalling can help you begin to notice, reflect on and make sense of your feelings. Read more about how to manage difficult emotions and how to regulate your emotions.

Increase your adaptability

Being adaptable involves staying hopeful during challenges and remaining open to change. As circumstances evolve and new challenges emerge unexpectedly, you don’t always need to start over. Often, you can adjust existing coping strategies and apply lessons from past experiences. Flexibility enables you to adapt to new circumstances and build resilience in a variety of situations.

For instance, if you’ve recently lost your job and are feeling overwhelmed, instead of viewing this as a setback that requires starting from scratch, adapt by revising your approach. Reflect on past job searches and strategies that worked for you, like updating your resume or reaching out to your professional network. Consider new ways to improve your skills, such as taking courses or virtual workshops through online learning platforms like LinkedIn Learning, SpringBoard or Coursera. While you turn your attention to these tasks, consider relieving some of the financial pressure by seeing if you qualify for jobseeker’s allowance or jobseeker’s benefit. By applying these adaptable strategies, you can navigate the job market more effectively and build resilience through a difficult transition.

Challenge biased thought patterns

Deeply ingrained thought patterns, known as cognitive distortions, can prevent us from fully engaging with the present or seeing situations clearly. These distortions often lead us to perceive reality in a skewed, unbalanced way, or to overlook the positives in a situation. By recognising and changing these ways of thinking, you can remove a significant barrier to developing greater resilience. Read more about identifying common thought patterns and changing biased patterns of thinking.

Practise self-compassion

Self-compassion isn’t about self-pity, laziness, or putting self-care above relationships with others. Instead, it involves being kind to yourself and challenging your inner critic, while also building the courage to face difficult emotions. True self-compassion means responding to life’s challenges and managing emotions in a way that minimises unnecessary distress. It’s about striking a balance between self-care and actively engaging with life’s difficulties in a healthy way.

For example, imagine you didn’t do well on an exam you really wanted to ace. Instead of turning to harsh self-criticism, try talking to yourself as you would to a friend—maybe reminding yourself that everyone has off days, and this one test doesn’t define your worth. Self-compassion here might mean giving yourself time to feel disappointed, then calmly figuring out what you could do differently next time. This approach can help you learn from challenges without becoming demoralised.

Learn from experience

Reflect on past challenges, focusing on how you might have approached them and recognising any problematic behaviours or thought patterns you used to have. If you’ve managed to change these patterns in a beneficial way, identify the steps you took, the outcomes, and how you can apply those strategies to tackle any problematic behaviours that persist. Use these insights from past experiences to develop strategies for handling future difficulties more effectively.

Expand your self-awareness

Try to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, and recognise when you need support or changes to your approach. Self-awareness helps you respond to challenges in a more flexible, positive way.

While cultivating the essential skills necessary to become a more resilient human being, you may find that you could benefit from speaking to a mental health professional. Working with a fully qualified professional, like an accredited counsellor or psychotherapist, may deepen your self-exploration and help you to build these skills in a way that is tailored to your own personal history and unique life circumstances. Some of these circumstances may present barriers to resilience that can be difficult to overcome on your own. For more guidance on therapy options, check out our factsheets on accessing counselling and psychotherapy and getting mental health treatment in Ireland.

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