My top ten tips for dealing with a breakup
Going through a breakup is never easy so Jessica shares some positive ways to help get through it
Written by Jessica Viola
Voices - Advice
Young people share advice based on their experiences.
I recently experienced a painful breakup and I struggled with handling such a big loss. I have been trying to find healthy ways to cope and after speaking to some friends who were going through the same motions, I decided to compile a list of the top ten tips on how to get over a breakup. These tips really helped me, and could help you if you’ve also experienced heartbreak.
Going through a breakup is never easy, but here is some useful and insightful advice to help lighten the load.
1. Write yourself lists
Whether it be on a piece of paper or in your phone’s notes, it is very useful to write out lists for yourself. They don’t have to be very long or detailed, but they put into perspective what your wants and needs are. Some examples include listing what you are ideally looking for in your next relationship and also what you were lacking from the last one. This will help you to see what you want from your next relationship.
2. Talk to your friends
It’s important to remember that many people go through breakups and there is nothing to be ashamed about how you’re feeling. Chatting to friends who have been through this before can make you feel less alone. It doesn’t help to keep your emotions bottled up and by checking in with trusted friends or family members, it can let them know how you’re doing.
3. Read affirmations
After going through a breakup, you may be feeling insecure and confused about your feelings. Affirmations can help boost your confidence because they are daily statements that you say to yourself to help reinforce positive thoughts about who you are as a person. Some examples are, ‘I am worthy of respect’ as well as ‘I am bold, brilliant and beautiful.’ These can help to increase your self esteem by reminding you of what you have always been capable of but may have forgotten. Some of my favorite positive affirmation accounts on Instagram include @empowerpuffgirl, @chronically_cheerful and @emotions_therapy. By reading these affirmations, they can become your new mantra for getting over a difficult time through their positive reinforcements.
4. Avoid looking at your ex’s socials
As we have learned countless times before, social media is often a glamorised version of reality. If you look at your ex’s social media, it will show you an unrealistic view of how they are dealing with the breakup. Constantly checking in on social media to see what your ex is doing probably will not help you to move on because you are still invested in them, whether you acknowledge it or not. Although you may still have feelings for them, it’s important to prioritise your feelings first.
Journaling is important because it provides with you an outlet to discuss whatever is on your mind in a safe space. Once you go through a breakup, you realise that you have lost an outlet and someone to confide in. It is important to release those thoughts in a healthy way. Through writing in a journal, it can help you in understanding your feelings, allow you to reflect on the past and also can help you to see the gradual growth that you have made on your journey to self discovery.
6. Avoid rushing into a new relationship
After breaking up, the thought of rebounding may cross your mind. However, this may not be the best option as time alone can help you develop and learn more about yourself than any relationship will. The relationship you have with yourself is a priority and it’s one that will always be there for you. So, make sure you have time alone to help you focus on your personal goals and accomplishments. As Ru Paul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else.”
7. Make a Breakup Playlist
Create a playlist of songs that can help you manage your feelings, whether it be grief, anger or relief. Two albums that I always look to when boosting myself up are Ariana Grande’s ‘thank u, next’ and Lizzo’s ‘Cuz I Love You.’ With Lizzo’s constant positive outlook on life, as well as Ariana Grande’s bold and sassy attitude, these albums are bound to make you feel uplifted.
8. Avoid focusing on the ‘What If’s’
Often after a breakup, we tend to romanticize the past and glamorise the ‘what if’ theories. These can become toxic to our mental health because they paint an unrealistic version of a reality that will never happen. Remember that when these thoughts do play in your head that you’re just doubting yourself. When these thoughts of self doubt do occur, try to stop them from expanding by realising that the breakup happened for a reason.
9. Plan something for the future
Creating a plan for yourself will help to give you something to look forward to.
Sometimes when relationships come to a close, we can feel bogged down on past memories. By planning future events, it can helo you to have a more enthusiastic outlook on the future and can help you to stop yearning for the past. Instead of reflecting on old memories, you can make new ones.
10. Go easy on yourself
It’s important to remember that you have just experienced a significant loss in your life. In order to truly move past this, it’s beneficial to give yourself space away from your ex and allow yourself enough time to grieve over what is gone. It’s impossible to instantly get over a loss like this, so just be gentle on yourself and practice as much self care as possible, whether it be taking a bubble bath or rewatching your favorite film for the one hundredth time.
No matter what, it’s valuable to remember that you will get through this breakup and that you will become a stronger person for getting over this tough situation. Breakups really have the ability to teach you more about yourself and can also help you to build stronger future relationships with others, either as friendships or romantically.