10 differences between porn and real life sex

People watch porn for different reasons and not everybody chooses to watch porn. Although some people may feel that watching porn is harmless, there is the possibility it can give an unrealistic view of what real-life sex and relationships are like.

The reality is that sex is rarely like how it is portrayed in porn or in movies. Sex can include any sexual act such as the touching or rubbing of genitals, oral, anal or vaginal sex. Sex can happen between people of any and all genders, sexual orientations, body sizes and abilities. Sex can feel awkward at times, and make people laugh. Sex doesn’t have to be a performance, it just has to be something you and those you are having it with enjoy.

If you have watched porn there may be a chance that you have expectations of sex that are not realistic, or you may have concerns about your own sex life. If you feel like your sex life just does not live up to the sex you see online, you’re not alone. It’s impossible to live up to an ideal that doesn’t even exist.

Remember, people in porn are acting, and what looks great on screen may not work as well in real life. There are huge differences between real-life sex and porn, and what is important is that you have the type of sex you enjoy, and don’t feel pressure to behave a certain way or do certain sexual acts just because you have seen it in porn.

10 differences between porn and real life sex

1. Pracising consent

Consent is rarely spoken about or even mentioned in porn, but it is so important. In porn, people always seem to be up for sex. This is not always the case in real life, and it is important that when engaging in any type of sex or sexual act, all involved consent, and do not feel pressured into having sex. If you want to have sex and your partner does not seem fully up for it you need to respectfully understand their decision and not pressure them to change their mind.

2. Body hair

In porn, many of the people in the videos are often waxed or shaved, with no trace of body hair. Because of this, a lot of people might expect others to be completely hair-free, or feel pressured to remove their body hair. However in real life, people have body hair, and it is up to each person to decide if they want to remove their hair or not.

3. Erections

Porn often makes it look like a person can get a hard-on easily and that it can last for a long time, but this is not always the case. If you or a partner are having problems getting an erection or experiencing premature ejaculation, it is common and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. If it continues to be a problem, it may be worth visiting your doctor or speaking to a sexual health professional about it.

Another thing to keep in mind is that a porn star will often have a very big penis. If you’re feeling self-conscious about your genitals, remember that everyone’s genitals are different and size does not matter.  

4. Anal sex

In some porn, anal sex can be common. However, in real life, not everyone is having anal sex. The position you choose to have sex in is completely down to what feels right to you and your partner and it should always be a position you are both comfortable with. No one should ever feel pressured to have a type of sex that they don’t want to, and just because someone consents to have sex does not mean they consent to all types of sex. Always check in with your partner before trying a new position or style to make sure it is something they are comfortable with and definitely want to do.

5. Foreplay

Foreplay, such as rubbing, kissing and oral sex, can often be missing from porn but it can be a very important element of sex. People may not be able to come, orgasm, or experience pleasure during penetrative sex without engaging in foreplay. Oral sex and sex using hands and fingers is sex and does not have to lead to penetration. Often people enjoy having these types of sex without wanting anything else afterwards. 

6. Making noise

A lot of the noise you hear in porn is acting, and not everyone will be loud when they’re having sex, even if they are enjoying it. If your partner is not making as much noise as you would find in porn, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not enjoying themselves. You should also not feel you have to make certain noises or act a certain way during sex, how you respond to your partner should come naturally to you. 

7. Dirty talk

Some people like talking dirty, some don’t. It comes down to personal preference. If you want to try dirty talk, make sure to set some boundaries with what your partner is comfortable with first. If you heard something in porn, check that your partner wants you to use certain terms before you engage in dirty talk. 

8. Using protection 

Often in porn, people have sex without using a condom or dental dams, but this does not mean that everyone will have sex without using protection. Using a condom and/or other forms of protection every time you have sex is the only way to protect you and those you have sex with against STIs, HIV and pregnancy. No one should ever feel under pressure not to use protection during sex, and no one should ever take off a condom during sex without their partner’s permission first.

9. Body types

People in porn often look very similar, will have slim bodies and often be white. In real life, people come in all shapes and sizes, with different skin colours and different abilities. Your body is unique to you and deserves to be loved the way it is. Everyone deserves to have sexual pleasure in their life if that is what they want, and a body does not have to look a certain way to be desirable.

10. Gender & Sexuality 

While all genders watch porn, a lot of porn is made for men and by men, which affects the way a lot of porn is made. Women and LGBTI+ people are sometimes shown in porn as submissive or are disrespected, treated roughly or abusively. Other times the porn will only focus on a man’s pleasure. In real life, sex should be pleasurable and comfortable for all involved.

A lot of porn makes it seem like only straight and cisgender people are having sex, but this is not the case. In real life, people with all sorts of gender expressions and sexual orientations have sex. And if you are straight and cisgender, do not feel pressured to have sex as those people do in porn. There’s more than one way to be a man or one way to be a woman, and everyone has a different type of sex life

Remember: The age of sexual consent in Ireland is 17. If you’re over 16, you can consent to medical treatment including any treatment or tests needed.