Dealing with urges to self harm
There are things you can do to manage your urges to self harm
Why do I want to self harm?
Self harm is used as a coping mechanism and if you are getting urges to do it, chances are that you have used it to cope for a while. Some people might exercise or talk to friends to deal with negative emotions. Others might use less healthy coping mechanisms like taking drugs or alcohol. Others use self harm as a coping mechanism.
You may be using self harm as a way of dealing with overwhelming or difficult emotions. Self harm might seem like a magic way to deal with stress at first, but it can become addictive and difficult to stop. It also becomes the case that the more you self harm, the more reliant you become on it and the more you need to do it to get the same release. This keeps the vicious cycle of self harming going around and around, and makes it difficult to stop completely.
What can I do when the urge to self harm hits in the short term?
- If you want to stop using self harm as a way to cope, acknowledge to yourself that resisting the urge to self harm will be difficult but also remind yourself that it is possible.
- First of all, give yourself some credit. You are taking a big step by trying to stop self-harming. It won’t be easy, but you ought to pat yourself on the back for starting on the road to recovery. You are more than your self harm and try not to forget that.
- Try the 15 minute rule which many people find useful. When you feel the urge to self harm, give yourself 15 minutes before you do. Read our article on distractions to try when the urge hits. When the 15 minutes are up, try to extend it by another 15 minutes. And so on, until the urge has passed.
- Write down your thoughts and emotions that you are experiencing. Sometimes writing things down on paper can help you process your thoughts in a clearer way.
- Create a happy box that you can go to when you need cheering up or calming down. Use a shoebox, and decorate it. Fill the box with things that make you happy. A dvd that makes you laugh, a book of inspirational quotes, pictures of friends or family who always cheer you up. Put anything in there that you feel will help you smile or calm you down when you are distressed and feel the urge to self harm. It may also help to write down a list of things you like about yourself that you can read when you are feeling the need to self harm. Write down the name and contact number of someone you can call when you need someone to talk to.
- If you don’t have anyone you can confide in, there are loads of professionals that you can speak to. If you have decided that you want to stop self harming, you may find it useful to speak to a professional therapist, counsellor or psychologist. You can book an appointment yourself or you can also ask your GP to refer you to someone. Be aware that you don’t have to go into great detail with your doctor if you do not want to. Simply explain that you are self-harming and that you want to be referred for help.
- You could also attend Jigsaw which is a free counselling service for young people aged 12-25 years of age, and has centres around the country. You can find more information out on www.jigsaw.ie
- Pieta House is a free counselling service which specialises in working with people who self harm or are suicidal. They have centres around the country and often have very little waiting times for appointments. Find out more on pieta.ie.
- You can also ring a listening service such as Childline or Samaritans, or log onto an online support service such as Turn2me.
- Read our articles on attending a GP for self harm, or attending A&E for self harm here XXX.
- Identify your triggers. This can take time, but if you know that there are certain things that trigger you, then you’ll be more prepared next time.
- Accept that there will be slip ups along the way. It is extremely unlikely that you’ll decide to stop self-harming and then never self-harm again. Bad days happen to us all and since self-harm is a coping mechanism; you may be more likely to want to self-harm when you are stressed. Remember that any progress (no matter how small) means you are further along the path to recovery.
Long term solutions to stopping self harming
- Start putting healthier coping tools into your life. Check out out distraction techniques for when the urge to self harm hits. Everyone is different, but common coping tools include a healthy exercise routine that you enjoy, engaging with a professional counsellor, joining a support group or writing out your feelings via journal/poetry/stories.
- Try to implement healthy lifestyle changes. If you live on fast food, have a think about adding more healthy food to your diet or consider taking a cooking class. If sleep is an issue for you, chat to your doctor about some natural ways to help. Check out our information on maintaining a healthy sleeping routine. If you exercise too little, check out our information on how to get fit without a gym.
- Talk about your emotions instead of bottling them up. This is something that you can learn to do with time, and will not happen overnight. You often hear abut the power of sharing any concerns you might have with others and how helpful this can be, and this is really true.
Questions to ask yourself before you self harm
If you are aware of what triggers you to self harm, you may also be able to know what to do to avoid them in the future. This can often be difficult to do in the moment but it is really helpful so try to give it a go. It may take a few goes before you get the answers as the questions are difficult and challenging (but that’s perfectly normal).
- What has made me feel the need to hurt myself?
- What thoughts were going through my head before I got the urge?
- What alternatives could I do that don’t involve hurting myself?
- If I do self harm, how will it make me feel?
How come I can’t stop self harming
Overcoming urges to self harm can be extremely challenging and you won’t always succeed. Sometimes you may self harm and other times you may succeed in using alternative coping mechanisms. But you do deserve to recover and to find alternative, healthier ways of dealing with your emotions. It’s completely possible and although it might be a rocky road at times, you owe it to yourself to treat your body with the kindness it deserves, instead of hurting it.