How to identify the cause of your stress and what to do about it

Managing day-to-day stress can be challenging, especially if you’re juggling lots of responsibilities, like school or university work, paid work, caring for others, and maintaining your relationships. While a busy life can bring a sense of achievement and purpose, it can also become overwhelming if you’re taking on too much at once.

It is important to learn the difference between short-term stress, which can be uncomfortable but manageable, and ongoing or chronic stress. Chronic stress builds up over time and can negatively affect your mental and physical health.

In this factsheet, you will learn how to:

• Work out whether your stress levels are normal or a cause for concern
• Identify the causes of your stress
• Explore four different approaches to managing stress, depending on whether the source of stress lies within or outside of your control

Is this a “normal” level of stress?

Everyone feels stressed from time to time. It is a physical and emotional response to the demands we face in daily life, and a normal part of being human. While stress is rarely enjoyable, it’s not always a bad thing. A certain amount of stress can be useful. It can help us focus, motivate us to study for an exam, get chores done, or push through something challenging in service of a longer-term goal.

Instead of thinking of stress as something we need to get rid of completely, it can help to reframe it. When we see short-term stress as a natural, and sometimes even helpful, part of life, it can feel less overwhelming.

The key is to understand the difference between “adaptive” stress (the kind that can energise and motivate us) and “maladaptive” or chronic stress (the kind that has a harmful impact over time).

Signs your stress levels may be a cause for concern

Stress can become “maladaptive” or a problem when:

• It doesn’t go away, even after the stressful event has passed
• It feels out of proportion to what’s happening
• It starts to interfere with your ability to study, work, relax, or enjoy things

Chronic stress can creep up on you gradually and can be hard to trace it to a single cause. You might feel tense, exhausted, or on edge without being sure why. If you’ve been feeling stressed for a long time, and your stress is making it harder to manage your day-to-day life, it is often a sign that something is out of balance. Consider whether your life feels balanced between work and rest, between time alone and time with others, between daily responsibilities and enjoyment.

A key part of managing long-term stress is identifying what might be causing it and choosing a healthy response that does not add to that stress in the long run.

Identifying the cause of your stress

Sometimes, it can be hard to pin down what’s causing long-term or ongoing stress. If that is the case, talking to a mental health professional, like a fully qualified and accredited psychotherapist, can help you reflect on what might be going on.

For more information on finding a private counsellor or psychotherapist, visit our article on how to access counselling or psychotherapy in Ireland. There are also free or low-cost therapy options available and discussed in the above article, which may be worth exploring if cost is a barrier.

With a bit of time and reflection, it may also be possible to identify the source of your stress on your own. Broadly speaking, stressors (the things that cause us stress) can be grouped into two main types:

• Stressors that are within your control, such as how well you prepare for an exam, how you manage your schedule, or how you respond to a difficult conversation
• Stressors that are outside your control, like poor living conditions, difficult family dynamics, or being treated unfairly based on your racial, gender or sexual identities

Problem-focused versus emotion-focused coping

You might choose to use what psychologists call “problem-focused coping” to respond to stressors that fall within your control. This means taking action to reduce or eliminate the stressor, like studying for the test, asking for help, or setting boundaries.

Stressors that lie outside your control, on the other hand, may be better addressed through “emotion-focused coping.” This means changing your emotional response or attitude towards the stressor, even if the situation cannot be changed right away or at all. Emotion-focused coping strategies can take the form of reaching out for support, processing how you feel, or finding small ways to feel more grounded or connected to the present moment.

Understanding whether a stressor is something you can eliminate or something you may need to adapt to emotionally can help you choose a healthier and more effective way of responding to stress. The most important thing is to avoid responses that might seem helpful in the short term, but add to your stress in the long run.

You can learn more about coping strategies in this article on how to build new coping skills.

Practising the 4 As of stress management

The 4 A’s of stress management is one helpful framework for choosing healthy ways to cope with everyday stress. It can help you figure out which kinds of responses work best for different types of stressors.

If you’re looking for more concrete tips and practical tools, check out our article on dealing with stress.

Below is a brief introduction to each of the 4 A’s and how to practise them.

Avoid unnecessary stress

Avoiding stress does not mean avoiding life. However, you might be surprised how many of your everyday stressors could be reduced or even eliminated without a huge amount of effort. While making these changes often involves rethinking old habits or unhelpful patterns of behaviour, taking responsibility for some of these patterns can feel empowering in the long run.

Here are some practical ways to avoid unnecessary stress:

• Set realistic boundaries by saying “no” to commitments that you don’t have the time or energy for. This includes recognising when your plate is already full and giving yourself permission not to take on more
• Reduce social interactions that drain your energy by prioritising relationships where you feel supported and understood
• Create a calmer, more soothing environment by decluttering your physical space, especially areas where you work or relax
• Create a more manageable work schedule by including “buffer time” between tasks. This avoids having to constantly rush or multitask
• Reassess your to-do list by letting go of low-priority demands, especially if you’re already juggling responsibilities across study, work, family, or social life.

Alter the situation

Altering or changing the situation is another approach that can be useful when the source of your stress is at least partly within your control. Like avoiding unnecessary stress, this strategy often involves changing unhelpful patterns of thinking, communicating, or responding to situations.

Here are some ways to practise this:

• Be open to compromise: In many relationships, insisting on a perfect outcome can lead to more conflict and stress. Finding a middle ground can help you protect the relationship and reduce your frustration
• Express how you feel: If something is bothering you, naming it can be an important way of making space for change. Pretending you’re fine when you’re not often keeps things stuck
• Listen to what your stress is telling you: Sometimes stress or emotional discomfort is a valuable signal that something important needs your attention. If a job, relationship, or situation is consistently leaving you feeling stressed or overwhelmed, it may be time to reflect on whether a change is needed.

Adapt to the stressor

Sometimes, the source of your stress is outside of your control, like living with a long-term illness, experiencing discrimination, or navigating a difficult home environment. In these cases, while you may not be able to change the situation itself, it may be possible to change how you relate to it. This is what adapting to a stressor means.

Adapting isn’t about pretending everything is fine when it is not. It is about finding ways to reconnect with your sense of agency and confidence to cope with life’s inevitable challenges.

Here are some ways to practise this approach:

Reframe your interpretation of the situation

Sometimes we can become overly invested in viewing the situation from a specific angle, often a negative one. Exploring other ways of seeing the situation, including neutral or hopeful perspectives, can help reduce its emotional weight. In cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), this is sometimes called cognitive reframing.

Zoom out and take a wider view

Taking a step back and considering the bigger picture might help you feel less trapped or overwhelmed.

Use a future lens

Ask yourself how you might view this situation in a year or two. Would it still feel just as big? Sometimes this helps put the stressor in perspective if you’ve been viewing it with tunnel vision.

Acknowledge your struggle with kindness

If you’re going through something difficult, offering yourself some compassion, rather than criticism, can be a powerful form of support. Focus on what strengths and internal resources you do have to help you navigate it.

Adjust your expectations of yourself

It is okay to be gentle with yourself when you’re facing a high level of unavoidable stress. Loosening your expectations of yourself at these times can protect your energy and make the situation feel more manageable.

Accept the things you can’t change

This approach can be helpful when you are dealing with stress that cannot be avoided and that may be causing you to feel powerless. Examples include the death of someone close to you, a painful breakup, or living with a long-term health condition.

Acceptance is not the same as giving up. It’s about gently letting go of the struggle to control something that is outside your power to change. When we stop resisting what is inevitable, we can conserve our energy, care for ourselves more compassionately, and focus instead on how to support ourselves through it.

Accepting, or at least not actively fighting against, the stressors you cannot change might involve:

• Noticing any unexpected self-insights or personal growth: This is not about denying real pain or trying to “look on the bright side.” It’s about acknowledging that even in difficulty, we sometimes develop new insights into ourselves, such as our core values, our strengths, and our often-overlooked capacity to keep going
• Practising forgiveness, when and if it feels right: Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring or forgetting what happened, or no longer holding someone accountable for their actions. It can be a way of lightening your own load and overall stress by releasing anger or resentment
• Allowing yourself to express how you feel: Talking to someone you trust can help you feel more supported and understood, even if the situation cannot be “fixed”

Do more of the thing you enjoy

When you are facing a stressful situation, it can feel difficult to prioritise self-care or to engage in the things we enjoy. Spending time on hobbies and activities you enjoy can help you recharge and cope better with difficult times. You might consider making time for things like:

• Drawing, colouring, or painting
• Playing sports
• Gardening
• Moving your body in ways that feel enjoyable to you, like dancing, aerobics, gardening, or yoga
• Reading
• Joining clubs or societies or engaging in volunteer work

Reach out for emotional support

Whatever the cause of your stress, you don’t have to face it alone. Reaching out to a trusted adult or someone you feel safe with can help. Simply talking through the situation can make it easier to identify what may be causing your stress, and might even help you view it in a different light. Doing so can create just enough distance for you to feel calmer and more in control of the situation.

However, there are times when stress can feel so overwhelming that it is difficult to zoom out or think clearly. While the stress management tips in this article can be really helpful, putting them into practice depends on your ability to take a step back and reflect on where you are with things. If that feels impossible to do on your own right now, accessing compassionate support from a properly trained mental health professional can make a real difference.

It’s always important to remind yourself that seeing a psychotherapist or mental health professional is not a sign of weakness or failure. It can be a strong and well-informed choice. It shows you’re taking your mental health seriously and making the most of the resources you have available to you right now.

You can learn more about finding a fully qualified and accredited psychotherapist in our article on how to access counselling and psychotherapy in Ireland.

For more information on how to access other mental health services, visit our article on how to get mental health treatment in Ireland.

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