Oral sex, sometimes known as just “oral”, can be a really enjoyable experience. Oral sex involves stimulating your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips or tongue. Sometimes this is referred to as “going down” on someone.

It’s important for everyone to practise safe oral sex to avoid the risk of a sexually transmitted infection.

What is oral sex?

Oral sex involves using your mouth, lips or tongue to stimulate another person’s genitals or anus.

This could be:

Oral sex can be very intimate, and no one should pressure you into having oral sex if you’re not ready. It’s okay to say no to anything you’re not comfortable with. If you would like to try oral sex but your partner isn’t ready, give them some time. Be sure that you have sexual consent before having any type of sex with someone, and be sure to be patient, respectful, and understanding. 

Communicate with your partner to find out how they feel about oral sex. Oral sex can be pleasurable for both partners, so find out what they like and don’t like, and make sure they’re comfortable.

Practising safe oral sex

There are a few things to keep in mind when having oral sex.

Protection for safe oral sex

Remember: The age of sexual consent in Ireland is 17. If you’re over 16, you can consent to medical treatment including any treatment or tests needed.

Adoption means that you legally and permanently become part of a new family and no longer belong to your birth family. All of the legal parenting rights and responsibilities will be transferred from the birth parents to the adoptive parents. If you were put up for adoption by your birth parents, there are many different reasons for them to make that decision. Often, they want the child to have a better life than they feel they can provide.

You might have been adopted as a baby, a toddler or a teenager. You can be adopted at any time until you’re 18. You might have memories of your birth family or not and you might be adopted by a relative, by foster parents or by parents you didn’t previously know. You also might be adopted internationally, which means your adoptive family live in a different country to where you were born.

Types of Adoptions

There are different types of adoption. An adoption may be described as either a closed or an open adoption, depending on the level of contact between the biological parents and the adopted child.

Closed adoptions

Closed adoptions have historically been the most common type of adoptions. Adoption records are kept sealed in this type of adoption and there is no contact between biological parents and the adopted child.

Open adoptions

Open adoptions allow some forms of contact between the biological parent(s) and the adopted child in the form of phone calls, emails and even visits sometimes. Records are not sealed.

Being adopted

If you were adopted, it’s natural to have mixed feelings about it. You might be very happy as a member of your adoptive family, but still want to find out more about your identity, where you came from or who your birth family are.

Emotionally, it can be very stressful to decide how you deal with adoption and whether you want to know more about your birth family or not. Maybe you need to decide if you want to keep in contact with your birth family, or whether you wish to learn more about your country and heritage if you were internationally adopted.

The best way to deal with these feelings is to talk about them with other people. Talk to someone you trust such as a family member, friend, counsellor or social worker.

Tracing your birth family

Getting in contact with your birth family can be a tough and nerve-wracking decision to make. If you do choose to contact them, tracing your records can be a slow and often painful process. It’s strongly advisable to ask for counselling to help you work out your feelings during this time. Remember that nobody’s perfect and you’ll need to be very open-minded about meeting your birth family. You’ll also need to talk honestly about this decision with your adoptive family. Be prepared to give them time to get used to the idea of you contacting your birth family.

Legally, you need to be over 18 to trace your birth family. You are entitled to the information on your birth certificate and to know which court or agency dealt with your adoption.

Contacting the adoption agency

There’s no central location for adoption files in Ireland, so the first step is to contact the adoption agency that dealt with your adoption. This will either be a registered adoption agency or the HSE. The Adoption Authority of Ireland is responsible for dealing with tracing enquiries and will have information on all registered adoptions since 1952.

If you don’t know what agency you were adopted with, you should write to the Adoption Authority and ask for information. Be sure to include:

They should be able to tell you which adoption agency you need to speak to. If the adoption agency no longer exists, get in contact with your local HSE.

If you were not legally adopted, you can contact the Local Health Office of the HSE in the area where you lived as a child. They may be able to help you with the tracing process.

Whether you are dealing with the HSE or an adoption agency, you will be asked to fill out a form detailing basic information about yourself. After you have submitted this form, you will be put on a waiting list. When you reach the top of the waiting list, you will be invited to meet with a social worker. They will give you further information on the process and a rough idea of how long it will take.

Preparing for the outcome

If you decide to try to trace your birth parents, there are several possible results. You might find a birth parent and meet them. It’s also possible that you may find them but they don’t want to meet you. Perhaps your parent or parents will have died before you had the opportunity to meet them.

Tracing your birth parents can be an emotionally draining and painful process. Therefore, the HSE and most adoption agencies provide counselling to those who wish to trace their birth parents.

Reunion with your biological parent(s)

If you’re successful in tracing your biological parent(s), there are a few things to keep in mind.

Before you meet

It’s a good idea to exchange letters or emails and photos before meeting your birth family in person. Before you meet, it is important to recognise that some birth parents may only meet their biological child once and do not wish to have a continuing relationship with them.

Meeting your birth family

It is generally recommended that a social worker be a liaison between you and your biological parent, both during the tracing process and at the first meeting. They can assist with introductions and also help to ease any awkward feelings at the meeting.

If the first meeting is difficult, it does not mean that there is no hope of developing a relationship. Bear in mind that your adoptive family might find it hard to deal with also.

Try to prepare yourself for the emotional intensity of meeting your biological parent. No matter how well it goes, you will still need support from friends/family.

I looked in the mirror the other morning and noticed something unexpected. The ghoulish black bags that were once etched under my eyes had virtually disappeared. These black bags to me represent a symbol of the combination of fatigue and anxiety that had plagued me for quite some time. Curious, I made up a before/after photo just to see. It’s an important barometer for me as my particular downward spiral essentially stopped me eating properly or sleeping with any great consistency. I have a long way to go to really make myself as healthy and as strong as I need to be but I feel like I’m enroute at least. I could point at a myriad of changes that I have made over the last few months but the one overarching thing that is glaringly obvious to me is that my environment has changed completely.

The theory of the rat in the cage with the two bottles of water springs to mind (You put a rat in a cage, present it with a choice of two water bottles – one laced with cocaine, one pure water. The rat tries both bottles initially but returns to the bottle laced with cocaine time and time again until it eventually dies). Anyone why knows anything about mental strain, addiction or life itself will understand that this is way too simplistic.

Canadian psychologist Bruce Alexander was among the first to try and dismantle this theory and now the consensus is shifting towards the theory of the rat in a park instead (leave the two water bottles in the cage but also give the rat toys, companions and space to explore. Eventually the rat forgets that the water bottles exist at all).

My emotional strength and resilience was practically non-existent

Reflecting upon improvements in my wellbeing, it all comes down to my environment (let’s think of it as a cage and me as the rat). The space I was in when those black bags were at their blackest was a dark one. My work dictated my lifestyle almost entirely, instead of the other way around. I couldn’t seem to catch a break either, with one big traumatic happening after the next feeling like a constant punch to the gut. I had retreated into myself. My emotional strength and resilience was practically non-existent. I could barely handle one thing at once, let alone two.

Two months on, I have managed to nullify virtually all of that. This has meant being a little bit selfish. Sometimes if you want to block out negative vibes in your life that means blocking out people too. It has also meant learning to be on my own for far longer periods of time than I have ever really been used to, and learning that this is perfectly fine. I have been doing the simple things – eating, sleeping and exercising much more. What’s more is I feel the energy radiating from inside of me and now I feel like I want to do 12 things at once. I haven’t felt that urge in so long.

We all have our own trial and tribulations and I thoroughly believe that everyone’s pain is their own. We all have different coping mechanisms too. Change happens incrementally too, very seldom in one foul swoop. So, be patient with yourself. Chances are that not everyone else will be. Try to think about barometers are important to you and start to think about what kind of a cage you are in. Maybe it needs redecorating or maybe you’re like me and you wish you could be airlifted out of the one you’re in at the moment. Most importantly, try not to beat yourself up or blame yourself too much. Try to take control instead. You make not have created your cage but you can change it. You absolutely can.

A refugee in Ireland is someone who has had to leave their own country because of fear of persecution, abuse, violence and discrimination (for reasons of race, religion, nationality, social group or political opinion) and has been granted legal refugee status by the Irish government. This then gives them the same rights as Irish citizens to employment, social welfare, education, housing, health care and other public services.

Refugees are issued with travel documents that allow them to leave and then return to Ireland without a re-entry visa. However, they must not travel to the country they sought refuge from. Refugees also have the right to family reunification if their application meets certain, strict criteria. This means they can apply to be reunited with immediate family members such as spouse (husband/wife) and minor children. If the refugee is a minor, under the age of 18, they can also apply to be reunited with their parents. 

What are the laws on seeking asylum in Ireland?

There are two categories of refugees in Ireland:

Programme and Convention refugees can apply to become Irish citizens after three years in the country.

Who qualifies as an asylum seekers?

An asylum seeker is someone who has had to leave their own country because of fear of persecution and who has applied for international protection, that is to be legally recognised as a refugee in Ireland.

In legal terms, an asylum seeker or international protection applicant is a person who seeks to be recognised as a refugee under the terms of the 1951 Convention relating to the Status of Refugees as defined in Section 2 of the Refugee Act, 1996, as amended. Asylum seekers have a legal right to stay in Ireland while their application for refugee status is being decided on.

Anybody can become a refugee or asylum seeker; it doesn’t matter if you are rich, poor, adult, child or what colour, religion, ethnicity or nationality you are. Refugees and asylum seekers leave or escape their home county because of persecution or intimidation.

Find advice for Refugees and Asylum-Seekers from the Irish Refugee Council.

European context

The numbers of refugees and migrants arriving into Europe have significantly decreased since a peak in 2015 when over a million people arrived, the vast majority into Greece. However, the Mediterranean crossing is becoming deadlier every year, if the number of estimated deaths is viewed as a proportion of the number of people who actually manage to reach the EU.

Statistics of refugees arriving in Europe

Some of the statistics of refugees arriving in Europe since 2015 are:

What caused the Syrian people to flee their country?

The majority of Syrian people who have become refugees left their country due to the civil war. The civil war in Syria began after a peaceful uprising against the President of Syria Bashar al-Assad in 2011. The protests were against the high rates of unemployment, corruption and lack of political freedom. The government used force to crush the protestors who were demanding the president’s resignation. The protests spread across the country and those who were against the president began to arm themselves for self-protection. Assad’s violent repression also led to the much more radical and violent groups developing in Syria that greatly increased the violence.

By 2018 there were 364,371 documented deaths in the Syrian Civil War, with 56,900 people missing and an estimated 100,000 deaths that hadn’t been documented. Over 5.6 million Syrians fled their country and crossed mainly into Turkey, Lebanon and Jordan. Others applied for asylum in European countries with the majority of applications being registered in Hungary, Greece and the Czech Republic.

Why have other refugees left their countries?

How has Ireland responded to the refugee crisis?

In 2015 Ireland agreed to accept 4,000 mainly Syrian refugees in response to the European migration crisis. To put that number into context more than 5.6 million Syrians have fled the country as refugees, and another 6.2 million people are displaced within Syria. Half of the people affected are children. Which means that Ireland agreed to take roughly 0.07% of the 5.6 million Syrian refugees.

Ireland agreed to accept up to 4,000 refugees as part of two different programmes. One was part of a UN refugee resettlement project that focus on Syrian refugees in Lebanon and the second an EU relocation operation based on asylum seekers in Italy and Greece. By the end of 2018 just around 2,000 of the 4,000 refugees that were agreed upon had arrived in Ireland. In an effort to continue to reach the agreement of accepting 4,000 refugees, Ireland introduced the Irish Humanitarian Admissions Programme to facilitate 520 family members of Irish citizens, refugees or subsidiary protection holders who come from the UNHCR’s Top 10 refugee producing countries, to join their family here in Ireland.

The Asylum Information Database give a full break down of how many people sought asylum in Ireland, where the people were from and how many of their applications were accepted.

What happens to a person in Ireland while waiting for their refugee status?

Currently, the Government houses those waiting to receive refugee status in Ireland in Direct Provision. Take some time to read our article on Direct Provision in Ireland and learn more about how you can lobby your local politicians on the topic.

What supports are there for refugees and asylum seekers in Ireland?

Need more information?

We are here to answer your questions and talk through your options. Our online chat service is for 16 to 25 year olds and is available Monday to Friday, 4pm to 8pm. Chat to us now about your situation.

Self-harm has become an epidemic for the younger generation, and I, like many others my age, have struggled with hurting myself since I was in my mid-teens. Self-harm was a safety net when everything else was wrong; when I couldn’t cope with my emotions or other situations around me. I always thought that I’d be destined to hurt myself for the rest of my life, but thankfully I’ve finally realised that it doesn’t always need to be that way.

A problematic coping method

Self-harm is a coping method – a problematic one, but a coping method nonetheless. The key to reducing self-harm is to find a different way of coping to replace the damaging one. “Just stopping” harming oneself is rarely an option; we are still in emotional distress but left without a way to deal with it if we “just simply stop” hurting ourselves. What I’ve found best for reducing the amount or frequency of harming is by slowly introducing more and more positive ways of dealing with emotional distress until the need to self-harm goes away.

Start small

Taking the first step towards coping without using self-harm can be scary, but I promise it is worth it. By starting out small and finding things that work for you, slowly but surely it’s possible to reduce self-harm incidents. The very first thing I did to reduce how often I was hurting myself was by drawing on my own skin with a marker. It helped because I was still technically marking myself, but in a positive and constructive manner; the perfect middle ground for me. There are so many options for what to do instead of harming yourself. Here’s a few things I did – some of which I still do – to prevent self-harm:

There is hope

When I was at my worst, I hated people telling me that things would get better; to me, their positivity was almost condescending to the pain I was experiencing. To hear someone who had never experienced self-harm say that everything would be okay meant literally nothing to me, because they didn’t really understand what I was going through. What I needed was someone who had dealt with self-harm and come out the other side to tell me – and to show me – that things can and really do improve.

There is hope for people who self-harm. Hurting yourself may be your current coping method, but with time you will be able to deal with difficult and overwhelming emotions and distressing situations in other ways. Take things one day at a time; that one day that you didn’t self-harm can turn to two, turn to a week, turn to a month. Focus on the moment and look after yourself in the here and now. Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come, because you’re stronger than you think. One day you’ll be the person giving the advice to others about how to help themselves. You CAN do this.                                                                        

I looked in the mirror the other morning and noticed something unexpected. The ghoulish black bags that were once etched under my eyes had virtually disappeared. These black bags to me represent a symbol of the combination of fatigue and anxiety that had plagued me for quite some time. Curious, I made up a before/after photo just to see. It’s an important barometer for me as my particular downward spiral essentially stopped me from eating properly or sleeping with any great consistency. 

Work-life balance

I have a long way to go to really make myself as healthy and as strong as I need to be but I feel like I’m en route at least. I could point to so many changes that I have made over the last few months but the one key thing that is glaringly obvious to me is that my environment has changed completely.

The space I was in when those black bags were at their blackest was a dark one. My work dictated my lifestyle almost entirely, instead of the other way around. I couldn’t seem to catch a break either, with one big traumatic event happening after the next, feeling like a constant punch to the gut. I had retreated into myself. My emotional strength and resilience were practically non-existent. I could barely handle one thing at once, let alone two.

How I’ve learned to look after myself

Two months on, I have managed to fix virtually all of that. This has meant being a little bit selfish. Sometimes if you want to block out negative vibes in your life that means blocking out people too. It has also meant learning to be on my own for far longer periods of time than I have ever really been used to and learning that this is perfectly fine. I have been doing the simple things – eating, sleeping, and exercising much more. What’s more, is I feel the energy radiating from inside of me and now I feel like I want to do 12 things at once. I haven’t felt that urge in so long.

Be patient with yourself

We all have our own trials and tribulations and I thoroughly believe that everyone’s pain is their own. We all have different coping mechanisms too. Change happens in stages too, very seldom in one move. So, be patient with yourself. Chances are that not everyone else will be. Try to think about the barometers that are important to you. Most importantly, try not to beat yourself up or blame yourself too much. Try to take control instead. You absolutely can.

There are many young people in Ireland who are living in children’s residential centres or foster care. Often, this is because their parents aren’t able to look after them. It might be because of family problems, illness, death of a parent, a brother or sister struggling to look after younger children, financial problems, housing problems, neglect, abuse, violence or for many other reasons.

Foster placements can be voluntary or court mandated.

Ideally, a young person placed in care will return to their family as soon as possible. You can live in care for a few weeks or for a few years, depending on your situation and whether it’s possible for you to return to your family.

Different types of in care placements

Day Foster care

This is a form of foster care where you are placed with a foster carer during the day. You return to your birth parent in the evening and sleep at home. This type of placement does not involve moving into a foster parent’s home. It most commonly occurs when a parent is unwell, is struggling as a single parent or has a child with special needs. Your birth parent will be in frequent contact with the foster day carers. Many people find this type of foster care to be less traumatic, as it does not involve having to move out of your home.

Emergency foster care

This is a scheme whereby you are placed with temporary foster parents. You may be placed with these type of foster carers if you come into care very suddenly, or if a placement breaks down and you need to be moved very quickly.

Short term foster care

In short term foster care, you may move back to your family, to another foster family or be adopted by another family after the short-term placement. This type of placement is not meant to be long term. Often, short term fostering provides care to families during traumatic times, such as illness, bereavement or abuse. Most people in short-term foster placement are encouraged to keep in contact with their family. If the courts decide that you are not allowed to do this, you should be given some photographs of your birth family.

Long-term foster care

Long-term foster placements may last for years. In some situations, they may last until you turn 18 years of age. Being placed in a long-term foster placement usually means that you will not return to your birth parents. Many people in long-term foster placements become so integrated into their foster family that they continue to live with them after they turn 18. Regular contact with your birth family is encouraged in long term foster care, unless the courts have declared that it would be dangerous to your mental or physical health.

Social services and the courts decide if you need to be placed in care. A young person can ask to be taken into care if they are having problems at home. Also, a teacher, neighbour, relative or someone who is concerned for the young person can ask social services to check whether a young person is in a healthy home environment or not. Parents can also ask social services to help if they are having problems caring for a child.

Living in care

Many young people who are placed in care are frightened and unhappy about the decision. It can be very difficult to leave your family and live somewhere different. It can also mean changing school, not seeing your friends and missing the things you normally do. A social worker or the carers who are responsible for you should explain why you’re in care and make the change as easy as possible for you. Your social worker is responsible for making sure you are well looked after and if it’s possible, for you to return to your family.

If you feel that you’re not being told enough about what’s happening, speak up! You’ve got the right to know everything about your time in care and the legalities surrounding it. You can also decide if you want to visit your family, although social services or the court might decide that it’s not safe for you to have contact.

If you are taken into care you might be placed in a children’s residential centre or be fostered. If you are fostered, a foster carer or family will look after you until it’s possible for you to return home or live independently. If your family situation doesn’t improve and it’s impossible for you to return home, then you might be placed with a permanent foster family. All foster carers receive an assessment at application stage.

Tusla is the State’s dedicated child and family agency. If Tusla decides that they would make suitable foster parents, they will then receive training.

Foster parents must sign a contract for each child they take into their home. A social worker will also draw up a Care Plan for the fostered person. A Care Plan records the details of the foster child, the reasons for them coming into care, the type of contact they should have with their birth parents and the on-going plans for the fostered person. It also details information and plans about medical care and schooling.

Tusla will regularly review the foster placement to make sure that you are being cared for properly and that the Care Plan objectives are being carried out.

Having sex is an experience that should be enjoyable, and if you are experiencing pain when having sex it can be a way of your body telling you that something isn’t quite right. Sometimes experiencing pain can be a sign that your body was not ready to be touched or penetrated in a certain way, and using lube and having oral sex can be a way to stop sex from hurting. At other times experiencing pain may be due to a medical condition, having an injury or infection, or from trauma. In this case, speaking to a doctor or sexual health professional about what is causing you pain can be a way to get support and find a solution to the problem. 

There can be many reasons you may experience pain during sex, and this is nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. You can always stop if sex is painful, and no one should ever make you feel afraid or under pressure to continue having sex. Experiencing pain during sex can be upsetting so try to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to understand your body and what works for you. 

What can cause pain during sex?

There are a lot of different causes and reasons why someone experiences pain during sex. If you are experiencing pain it is important to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to figure out why sex hurts. Sexual pleasure is important for both your physical and mental health and you deserve to have it in your life if it is something that you want. 

Anal and vaginal dryness during sex 

When having sex with a penis, fingers or when using sex toys it is extremely important that the person being penetrated is wet and relaxed. Being wet can allow for the penis, fingers or sex toy to go inside someone without them experiencing friction, which can cause pain. Having oral sex, before penetrative sex, can be a great way to make a person relaxed and wet, and ready to put something inside them. Using lube is also a great way to reduce anal and vaginal dryness and make penetration pain-free. Checking in with your partner, by asking them if something feels good, if they are enjoying themselves or if they want to try something else, is a way to make sure it is an enjoyable experience for everyone involved. If sex begins to become uncomfortable or dry at any stage, using more lube can be a great way to make it feel good again. If you are using condoms, make sure to use a water-based lube.

Thrush

Thrush is a common yeast infection that can affect the vagina and penis. Symptoms of thrush can include white discharge, itching and irritation around the genital area and soreness and stinging during sex and when you pee. Thrush can be caused by using soaps, perfumes and shower gels on your genitals. You can help to reduce the pain from thrush and avoid getting it again by only using a gentle soap substitute to wash the area, by drying the area properly after washing, wearing loose clothing and avoiding having sex until the thrush has cleared up. You can also speak to a pharmacist about the infection and they will be able to recommend the best treatment for thrush, such as an antifungal medicine.  

Sexually Transmitted Infections

Many sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can cause pain during sex. If you are sexually active, it’s important to get regular checkups at an STI clinic and ask your partner(s) to get tested too. Always use protection like a condom or a dental dam during sex to protect from STIs. Find a list of free STI clinics in Ireland here.

Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)

Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) affect your urinary tract, which can cause Cystitis, a common infection of the bladder, urethritis, or a kidney infection. Symptoms of a UTI can include pain or burning sensation when you pee, feeling the need to constantly pee, blood in your pee and pain in your lower back or stomach. Having a UTI can also cause pain during sex. If you think you have a UTI contact your GP and they will be able to decide if you need to be treated with an antibiotic. 

It is important to always pee after sex as this helps to reduce the risk of getting a UTI.  

Vaginismus

Vaginismus is a medical condition whereby the vagina suddenly tightens up when you try to insert something into it. Vaginismus is the body’s automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration, such as putting a penis, finger, sex toy or medical apparatus inside the vagina. Vaginismus can be caused by many things such as internalised stigma around sex, previous negative experiences when having sex, trauma and stress and anxiety. It is something that a person does not have control over as the vaginal muscles tighten up on their own. 

Signs that you may be experiencing vaginismus can include not being able to insert a tampon into your vagina, struggling to put a penis, finger or sex toys into your vagina and experiencing pain during sex. Although having vaginismus can be painful and upsetting, it can be treated so that you can have pain-free penetration with time.

If you think you may have vaginismus, speaking to your GP or a sexual health professional can help. They will be able to offer you support and treatment options for vaginismus. Treatment options can include vaginal trainers to help you get used to having something inside your vagina, and accessing therapy or using relaxation techniques to help you understand and manage your feelings around penetration. 

Ovarian cysts

Ovarian cysts are small fluid-filled cysts that develop in the ovary. The ovaries are two almond-shaped organs that are part of the biological female reproductive system. There’s one on each side of the womb (uterus). Most ovarian cysts occur naturally and go away in a few months without needing any treatment. An ovarian cyst usually only causes symptoms if it splits (ruptures), is very large or blocks the blood supply to the ovaries. Some of the symptoms of ovarian cysts include pelvic pain, pain during sex and heavy or irregular periods. If you have any of these symptoms it is important to contact your GP for advice.

A tight foreskin

Having a tight foreskin, also known as phimosis, can cause significant pain during sex, because of the difficulty in pulling the foreskin over the head of the penis. If you’re experiencing this problem, speak to your GP and they will be able to advise you on the best treatment options available to you.

A tear in the foreskin

Small tears in the foreskin that can’t be seen but cause soreness and sharp, stinging pain around the tear can also be a cause of pain during sex. Using lube during sex can help to avoid this problem. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms visit your GP or visit a sexual health clinic for advice and treatment for the problem.

Endometriosis

Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb starts to grow in other places, such as the ovaries and fallopian tubes. Symptoms of endometriosis can include high levels of pain during your period, pain during or after sex, pain during your period when going to the bathroom, feeling sick, constipation, diarrhoea, or blood in your pee. If you have symptoms like these it can help to keep track of them before visiting your GP. Endometriosis can often be difficult to diagnose as it can vary from person to person and have the same symptoms as other conditions. Visiting your GP is the best way to find out if you have endometriosis or if something else is causing you pain. 

Size compatibility during sex

A common issue that can cause pain during sex is when a penis is too big or long to comfortably penetrate the vagina or anus. During vaginal sex with a penis, if one person has a slightly short or neat vaginal canal and the other person has a very big and or long penis, this can cause pain for the person with the vagina. This problem can also be experienced when having anal sex or when using a sex toy that is too big to fit into a vagina or anus. Trying different positions, using lube, and giving the receiving partner more control over the penetration can help. Again, it is important to remember that if you or someone you are having sex with experiences pain during vaginal sex, there are plenty of other types of sex you can have instead. No one should feel under pressure to fit something inside them if it is not comfortable. 

Sexual trauma 

If you visit a GP and they cannot seem to find any physical reason for you experiencing pain during sex, it could be that the pain you are experiencing is psychological. If you have experienced sexual assault, you may experience pain during sex due to trauma. People experience trauma for many different reasons. Experiences that cause a person to fear for their life or safety such as being attacked, sexually abused/assaulted, witnessing/experiencing violence, and witnessing or experiencing sexual content against their will are all examples of situations that may cause someone trauma. There are many different signs and symptoms of trauma, one of which can be experiencing physical pain.

​​Processing traumatic experiences can be challenging and painful, but there are professionals who can help you to safely work through traumatic experiences and give you guidance towards healing strategies and treatment options right for you. Speaking to your GP can be a great place to start when seeking to access professional mental health support. Your GP will be able to assess you, give you more information about your treatment options and refer you to a specialist if needed.

How to stop pain during sex

Sex should be enjoyable for everyone involved and you should never feel under pressure to keep having sex if it is hurting. If you are experiencing pain during sex, stop and let your partner(s) know how you are feeling. There may be something you can do in the moment to make having sex no longer hurt. You may need to try a few different things before you find a solution that makes sex enjoyable. 

Speak to a doctor

You may find the idea of speaking to your GP about sex difficult, but that is what your doctor is there for. They deal with all sorts of issues every day, and it will not be the first time they’ve heard about this problem. You may be referred to a gynaecologist, a doctor who specialises in reproductive health or to a sexual health clinic. Your doctor may also suggest you speak to a therapist if they believe the reasons you may be experiencing pain during sex are psychological. If you have experienced sexual assault there are also many supports available from organisations around Irlenad. 

Try different types of sex

The type of sex you want to have is up to you and it does not have to centre around penetration. If you are experiencing pain from penetrative sex, having oral sex instead of or beforehand can be a great way of increasing pleasure and enjoyment. Oral sex can allow you to become aroused, decrease dryness and relax. It can be enjoyed on its own or in partnership with other types of sex such as using sex toys, rubbing, touching and penetration. It is important when having oral sex that you always use protection such as a condom or dental dam to protect you and those you have sex with from STIs and HIV.

Not everyone will want to have oral sex and there is nothing wrong with that. If you think it isn’t for you what is important is that you and your partners feel comfortable and enthusiastic about the type of sex you choose and that you find a type that does not cause you pain. Trying out different things can help you to understand what feels good to your body. Remember, you get to choose the type of sex you want to have and it does not have to conform to previous ideas you may have had of what sex should look like. Take your time and communicate with your partner until you find something that works for you both. 

Use lube

Using lube every time you have sex can help to decrease friction and increase pleasure. Lube can be used for sex by yourself and without other people. You can buy lube online and in shops and pharmacies. If you are using condoms, make sure to use a water-based lubricant.

Do what you enjoy

If you are finding sex painful there are other ways to connect with someone other than having sex. Massage, kissing and bathing can all be ways to be physically close with someone and to enjoy sensual experiences together. Mutual masturbation can also be a way to share a sexual experience with someone while decreasing the risk of any pain or discomfort. What is important is that whatever you and your partners are doing together you both enjoy and that you do not experience pain as part of it. 

If you have been raped or sexually assaulted, you can access a Sexual Assault Treatment Unit (SATU) service for free. 

In Ireland, there are six Sexual Assault Treatment Units and they are located in:

There is also a limited out-of-hours overnight service available in Limerick University Hospital from 6pm-8am, every day of the year. They can be contacted via SHANNONDOC on 1850 212 999.

What is a Sexual Assault Treatment Unit (SATU)?

SATU provide a service to people who have experienced a sexual crime. They will give you the immediate medical, psychological, or emotional support you need. A rape crisis centre support worker will be there to meet you.

This can include:

How to make an appointment at a SATU

No matter who you make your appointment through, a worker from your local Rape Crisis Centre will be there to support you the whole way through. The National Sexual Violence Helpline 1800 77 8888

Who is the SATU service for?

The SATU service is for anyone aged fourteen or over who is the victim of a sexual assault or rape. Both women and men can access the SATU service.

Anyone under eighteen accessing the service must have a parent or legal guardian with them. This is because they will have to co-sign consent (give permission) with you for the forensic clinical examination. Both you and your guardian will sign the form.

What happens at a SATU?

You can attend a SATU for medical care whether you have decided to report the rape or sexual assault to the Gardai or not.

When you visit a SATU, you will be brought to an examination room where you will meet a forensic clinical examiner. They will ask you to tell them in some detail about the assault and they will carry out a forensic clinical examination. 

Even if you have not reported to the Gardai, forensic evidence can be gathered and held for a year in case you decide to report at a later date.

The examination will be explained to you, and you will have to sign a consent form. If you are under eighteen, your parent or legal guardian will co-sign the consent form with you.

Who will be present?

All of these people will be aware of how difficult this is for you and will support you to provide as much evidence as you are able to in order to support the investigation of the assault. You will not be put under pressure to have any examination you do not wish to have. If you are under the influence of any substance, the examination will be postponed until the effects have worn off so that you can legally consent to the examination

What is a forensic clinical examination?

This is a special type of exam that is carried out to get evidence following a rape or sexual assault. It can be carried out up to seven days after a rape or sexual assault.

What happens during a forensic clinical examination?

What if it has been more than seven days since the rape or sexual assault?

The time limit for a forensic clinical examination to be useful for collecting this type of legal evidence is seven days. However, even after seven days the staff in SATU can still help you by:

What to do before visiting a SATU

What if I change my mind once I go to the SATU?

Find your local Rape Crisis Centre here. You can contact the National 24 Hour Helpline on 1800 77 88 88.

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This factsheet is an extract from the publication Know Your Rights: The Rights of Children and Young People published by the Children’s Rights Alliance. It is reproduced here with their kind permission. Know Your Rights is a public information project designed to inform everyone, in plain language, of the rights and entitlements children have in Ireland and where to go when they are not respected.

If you are in the care of the state it means that Tusla (Child and Family Agency) has decide that you are not being properly cared for at home and need to be taken into state care. If you are taken into care you will either live in a foster family (which may be with your relatives) or in a residential care home.

How could I be taken into care in Ireland?

There are different ways that children and young people can be taken into care:

  • If your parent and Tusla both agree that it would be better for you not to live at home, your parent can agree to you being taken into care (this is called voluntary care)
  • If your parent does not agree that you should go into state care but Tusla thinks there is good reason to remove you from your home, it must go to court and ask a judge to order that you be taken into care (under a care order). If the judge agrees, they will grant a care order for a short time

The social workers must assess your situation before a long-term plan for your care is agreed. You will be asked for your views on this. If the court makes a care order and you are taken into state care against your parents’ wishes, they may appeal the order to the court.

What types of care orders are there in Ireland?

  • A Supervision Order allows Tusla to monitor a child it considers to be at risk. You are not removed from your home. A supervision order may last up to 12 months. When the original order ends, Tusla can apply again to extend the order
  • A Voluntary Care Order means your parent can arrange with the social worker for you to go into state care without going to court
  • An Interim Care Order can be made while waiting for a decision on a full care order. You will be placed in the care of Tusla for up to 29 days although the District Court can extend this time
  • A Care Order allows you to be removed from the care of your parent and placed in the care of Tusla. A care order can continue until you reach 18 years
  • An Emergency Care order places you in the care of Tusla for up to eight days in an emergency situation

What are my rights if I am taken into care?

You have a number of rights if you are taken into care. Tusla has to make sure that any decisions about your care are made in a way that will benefit you most. Your social worker should tell you what is happening but what you are told will depend on your age and maturity. You have a right to have your views heard when decisions about your care are being made. Your wishes should be taken into account, as far as possible.

If a care order is sought in the court, the judge must take your wishes into account if they feel you are mature enough to understand what is happening.

What supports are available to me if I am in care?

Empowering People In Care (EPIC) provides independent advocacy support for children:

  • being taken into care
  • who are already in care
  • going through care proceedings

Who is responsible for me while I am in care?

Usually, Tusla (through your social worker) will make all the important decisions about your care like the kind of care you need and where you should live.

  • If you are in foster care or residential care, your foster carers or the carers in the residential centre will be in charge of the day-to-day decisions affecting your life
  • If your parent has agreed that you should go into care (voluntary care), they still have the right to take part in all decisions affecting your life
  • If an interim care order is granted, your parent must still be consulted about most things in your life

Can I choose where I live when I am in care?

As far as possible, you will stay living in your community. You cannot decide for yourself where you will live. Your social worker and Tusla will decide for you but your social worker should listen and take into consideration your views. In most cases, children will live with a foster family or with relatives (these are known as relative foster carers) especially if they are under the age of twelve. Some children may live in a children’s residential centre.

Do I have a right to have access to a social worker?

Yes, every child in care has a right to a social worker. The social worker is employed by Tusla. They will meet you to support you and give you whatever information or advice you need. You should be given a phone number of your social worker so you can contact them if you need to. It is your social worker’s job to draw up a care plan for you and to put it into action.

If I don’t have a social worker who should I contact?

If you do not have a social worker, you should contact your local social work office and ask for one. You may also contact EPIC which provides independent advocacy support for children being taken into care, in care, or going through care proceedings. EPIC can help support you to have a say on what you want. For more information, see EPIC’s website.

What is a care plan?

Before you are placed in care (either in foster care or residential care), a social worker must prepare a care plan for you. Your care plan must state the aims of your care placement and the support Tusla will give:

  • you
  • your foster carers
  • the residential centre
  • in some cases, your parent.

The plan must also state the access arrangements made between you and your parent, relative or anyone else who has the right to have contact with you and when your care plan will be reviewed. You can ask to give your input into your care plan. If you were placed in care in an emergency situation, Tusla must prepare your care plan as soon as possible after the emergency placement.

When will my care arrangements be reviewed?

A meeting called a ‘child in care review’ should take place two months after you first enter care. This should review how you are getting on. The review should be repeated every six months for the first two years of your placement in care. After this, your care plan should be reviewed at least once a year.

Can I go to the ‘child in care’ review?

Yes, your social worker should tell you when the review meetings will take place. You have a right to attend these meetings and to give your views. You may also bring someone to support and accompany you like an EPIC advocate. Other people like your parent, teachers, counsellors, foster carers or other people working with you may also be at these meetings.

You have the right to be told about any decisions that are made as a result of these care plan reviews.

Do I have a right to know what is in my care plan?

Yes, you should know and understand the key points in your care plan. At any time, you can ask your social worker or a residential care staff member to explain to you what is in your care plan. You should also get a copy of your care plan from your social worker.

Do I have a right to have my views heard in court when decisions are made about my care?

Yes, but the court has different ways of hearing your views. This depends on your age and level of maturity, and on the wishes of the judge. Your social worker will be in court and will tell the judge about your needs.

In some cases, the judge might appoint a Guardian ad Litem for you. This is someone who:

  • makes sure that the judge hears your views
  • advises the judge on what is best for you.

The judge may want to speak to you directly or have an expert speak with you. You can ask to attend court, or you can write a letter to the judge. While the judge might listen to what you want, they may ultimately make a decision that does not follow your views. The Guardian ad Litem may also have a different view from you about what they think is best for you.

You can also ask to be made a party to the case which means that you would be represented in court by your own lawyer. This is done by what as known as a section 25 application. If you would like more information on this you can contact the Children’s Rights Alliance helpline. EPIC can support and accompany you to court or meetings.

Do I have a right to be present in court when my case is being heard?

You do not have an automatic right to be present when your case is being heard. However, if you ask to be present for the hearing or any particular part of the hearing the judge should say yes to your request unless they think it would be better for you to avoid being there.

Do I have a right to have my privacy protected in court?

Yes. When your case is being heard in court, only certain people will be allowed to be present and to report on the case. They are not allowed to share any information that would identify you in public – like in the newspapers or online. Your name, address and image cannot be made public. This is called the in camera rule.

Do I have a right to leave care and go home?

No, you cannot decide to leave care until you are 18.

If you are in care under a voluntary arrangement, your parent may withdraw their consent for you to be in care and take you home. If this happens and your social worker is not happy that your needs will be met by going home, the social worker may ask for a care order from the court to keep you in care.

If you are in care under a care order, a court may decide that the reasons you were taken into care in the first place have changed and it has no further concerns about your safety or welfare. If this happens, you can go home. You have a right to have your views heard in this decision.

Do I have a right to contact with my family while in care?

Yes. While you are in foster care or residential care, Tusla must make sure that you have reasonable contact with, and access to, your parent or guardian and other relatives unless the judge thinks it is not safe or the best thing for you. This contact can take the form of visits, phone calls or letters or emails. Tusla should also make sure that you have contact with anyone else who has an interest in your care like a grandparent, aunt, uncle or family friend. You can ask your social worker if you would like to see your family more or less often.

Have I a right to practise my religion (if any) in care?

Yes. You have the right to practise your religion, if you have one, while in care. Tusla must do what it can to enable you to practise your religion. Tusla must also take your religion and the wishes of your parents into account when placing you with a foster family.

Can I tell people I am in care?

You can tell people in your life that you are in care. However, you should be careful when posting information about your care status online or in any publication. No one else is allowed to identify you to the public on broadcast media or a written publication as a child who has been or is in care.

What are my rights if I am not happy in care?

You have the right to ask to see your social worker at any time while you are in care. Someone from Tusla should visit you during your first month in care, then every three months during the first two years that you are in care and every six months after that. If there is a problem with your care, Tusla must make sure that your welfare is protected. If you are not happy with your care, you have the right to:

  • complain to Tusla
  • know and understand the complaints procedure (someone must explain it to you)
  • be supported in making your complaint, for example, by a parent or an independent advocate (someone acting on your behalf)
  • know the outcome (result) of your complaint
  • get a written copy of any decisions made about you.

If you are not happy with the complaints process, you have the right to complain to the Ombudsman for Children. You may also contact EPIC, which provides a range of services for children in care and leaving care.

What happens when I turn 18 if I am in care?

If you are going to turn 18 soon, before you leave care, Tusla (The Child and Family Agency)should carry out an assessment of what you may need once you turn eighteen and leave the care system – this is known as ‘aftercare’. This assessment of your needs should be recorded in writing.

Am I entitled to an Aftercare plan when I leave care?

If you have been in care for twelve months or more between the ages of 13 and 18 you are entitled to an aftercare plan setting out how your needs could be met. While you have a right to an aftercare plan, you do not have an automatic right to access the services contained in the plan. For more information on aftercare, contact EPIC.

Aftercare support might mean that you get help with:

  • paying for school
  • third level or other fees and costs
  • getting an apprenticeship
  • finding a place to live

Tusla can support you until you reach 21 unless you are in education, in which case they can support you to complete your education until the age of 23.

The Implant is a small tube fitted under your upper arm skin that releases the hormone progestogen into your blood. It is a semi-permanent form of contraception that last up to three years.

Implants work by preventing the release of an egg (ovulation) and by increasing cervical mucus, which prevents sperm from meeting the egg (on the rare chance that an egg is released). They also thin the lining of your womb. They are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy.

A doctor fits an implant during your period. The process takes about 10 minutes and is done under local anaesthetic.

What are the benefits of the contraceptive implant?

How is the contraceptive implant fitted?

If you want to get the implant you will need to book an appointment with your GP or at a sexual health clinic. Implants should always be fitted by a trained doctor or nurse, and usually during the first five days of your period

To get the implant:

Things to keep in mind with the contraceptive implant

Protecting your sexual health when on contraception

If you chose to go on the implant, this will only help prevent pregnancy, but you will still need to protect yourself from STIs and HIV. There are many great options to help protect your sexual health, but none of them are 100% effective. Even if you use condoms every time you have penetrative sex, you are still at risk of getting genital warts and herpes, as these can be passed through skin-to-skin contact. Going for an STI check or taking a home STI testing kit with a partner before having sex, can be a great way of protecting yourself and those you have sex with against STIs and HIV. However, not all STI checks check for all STIs, so it is important to speak to your healthcare provider and ask them what are being tested for as part of your screening.

Discussing with your sexual partners the type of contraception or protection options available to you, and agreeing on a type that works for everyone involved can help to reduce the risk of pregnancy, STIs and HIV. Looking out for sores or symptoms on a partner’s genitals before having sex with them, can help to identify STIs that they may not be aware of. If you do see any signs that someone may have an STI, do not have sex with them until you know for certain it is safe to do so. Asking someone about their sexual health history is the responsible thing to do before having sex, and it should not be taken as an insult if someone asks you about yours.  

Remember: The age of sexual consent in Ireland is 17. If you’re over 16, you can consent to medical treatment including any treatment or tests needed.

Emergency contraception is backup contraception. You can use emergency contraception to avoid an unplanned pregnancy if you have had sex without using contraception, or if your method of contraception has failed (for example, the condom slipped or you missed a pill).

While emergency contraception has been available in Ireland for a number of years, there are still many myths around about this pill. It’s important to understand the facts on emergency contraception so that you can make the right choice for you if you ever need to take it.

Myth: The emergency contraceptive pill can only be taken the “morning after” unprotected sex.

Fact: The emergency contraceptive pill can be used up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, but is more effective the sooner it is taken. Efficacy is 95% if taken within the first 24 hours, 85% if taken between 25 and 48 hours and 58% if taken between 49 and 72 hours.

Myth: The emergency contraceptive pill can only be taken three times over a person’s lifetime.

Fact: This is one of the most common myths about the emergency contraceptive pill and it is simply not true. The emergency contraceptive pill is made out of the same hormone as regular contraception and is gone from the body within 72 hours. Frequent use of the emergency contraceptive pill is not recommended, because it is not as effective as regular contraception, but repeated use poses no health risk and has no effect on future fertility.

Myth: The emergency contraceptive pill causes an abortion.

Fact: The emergency contraceptive pill cannot cause an abortion; it prevents pregnancy. The emergency contraceptive pill works by preventing or delaying ovulation and has no effect on pregnancy if a person is already pregnant when it is taken.

Myth: Only teenagers use the emergency contraceptive pill.

Fact: People of all ages use the emergency contraceptive pill as a safe and effective way of preventing an unwanted pregnancy when a regular method fails (e.g. condom burst, missed pill or late start to a new cycle of pills), when no contraception was used or in cases of rape.

Myth: The emergency contraceptive pill encourages people to have unprotected sex and to stop using regular methods of contraception.

Fact: Research studies from around the world have consistently found that increased access to emergency contraception does not result in an increase in unprotected sex or a decrease in regular contraceptive use.

Protecting your sexual health when using contraception

There are many great options to help protect your sexual health, but none of them are 100% effective. Even if you use condoms every time you have penetrative sex, you are still at risk of getting genital warts and herpes, as these can be passed through skin-to-skin contact. Going for an STI check or taking a home STI testing kit with a partner before having sex, can be a great way of protecting yourself and those you have sex with against STIs and HIV. However, not all STI checks check for all STIs, so it is important to speak to your healthcare provider and ask them what are being tested for as part of your screening.

Discussing with your sexual partners the type of contraception or protection options available to you, and agreeing on a type that works for everyone involved can help to reduce the risk of pregnancy, STIs and HIV. Looking out for sores or symptoms on a partner’s genitals before having sex with them, can help to identify STIs that they may not be aware of. If you do see any signs that someone may have an STI, do not have sex with them until you know for certain it is safe to do so. Asking someone about their sexual health history is the responsible thing to do before having sex, and it should not be taken as an insult if someone asks you about yours.  

Remember: The age of sexual consent in Ireland is 17. If you’re over 16, you can consent to medical treatment including any treatment or tests needed.

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