How to deal with a breakup

Breakups can be difficult. Whether you have been with someone for a short time or a long time, it can be an adjustment getting used to not having that person in your life. Talking to someone about what you are going through and how you are feeling can help you process the end of a relationship and deal with a breakup. If you do not feel like you want to talk to about your breakup to someone you know, there are support services also available that you can speak to.

How to deal with a breakup

Separating from a partner you lived with

If you or your partner have decided to end your relationship and have been living together, separating from one another can be an extremely difficult time.

There are many factors that can impact your ability to separate from your partner such as a fear of change or of being alone, pressure from other people to stay in the relationship, being unable to support yourself financially, children, low self-esteem and even domestic abuse. Although the idea of leaving your partner might seem overwhelming now, it is so important that you are honest with yourself about your needs, particularly if you are feeling unhappy or trapped in a relationship. Leaving might be hard, but in the long run it will get easier and there are always supports available to get you through.

It is important that if you have broken up with a partner who you are living with that you try to physically move away from one another. Although it can be difficult to find new housing in Ireland, it can be really beneficial to do so. Healthy separation can give you both the space that you might need to move forward. Financially, it may be difficult to do, and if you are unable to afford to move in somewhere by yourself immediately, reaching out to friends or family and explaining your situation can help. They may be happy to offer you a place to stay while you try to organise new accommodation for yourself.

If you do not have the support of friends or family to fall back on, there may be other options available to you and speaking to one of our Youth Information Officers can help. They can offer advice on some of the options available to you as you try to secure a place to stay. Talk to a Youth Information Officer today.

Ask for help

Regardless of whether you decide to end the relationship or not, breakups can be an extremely difficult experience. Friends and family can be a big support during this time, so if you are finding it difficult to cope or just need someone to talk to, reaching out to them to let them know how you are feeling can help. If you do not feel comfortable speaking to anyone close to you, there are other supports available. Text About It is a 24/7 free text support service run by spunout that is available to anyone in Ireland. No matter how you feel, we will listen and help you move forward feeling better. You can text or WhatsApp SPUNOUT to 50808 to begin.

Other supports that are also available to listen:

• Samaritans
• Women’s Aid
• Men’s Aid

Be kind to yourself and feel your emotions

Breakups are tough, and it is important that in the days, weeks and months ahead you are kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel and express your emotions.

People experience breakups in different ways, and how your ex reacts to the situation may be different to how you do. Give yourself permission to feel and grieve as you need to. You do not have to feel a certain way or be “over” the relationship by a certain point. Everyone’s experiences are different, and what is important is that you prioritise your own wellbeing and happiness as you move forward with your life.

It is important during this time to be conscious of your consumption of alcohol and other drugs, particularly if you are not feeling hopeful or positive about your life. It can be tempting to numb yourself from intense or uncomfortable emotions as a quick fix, but it is important to be honest with yourself about how you feel and seek support when you are struggling.

Create a new routine

Exercise is a great way to keep both your mind and body healthy. Even a small amount daily can help to improve your mood and fill your day if you find yourself with extra time on your hands. Filling your time doing things that you enjoy can help prioritise your own happiness. It takes time to get used to new routines, but you may find that you enjoy the experience of having more time to focus on your wants and needs.

Social media accounts can make it difficult to avoid thinking about what your ex-partner is doing now. When it comes to a breakup, if you find yourself constantly checking their social media or having their social media updates intrude on your life, it may be a good idea to mute or delete them.

Avoid rushing into online dating

Online dating can be a great way to meet people, and you may want to explore it to help you feel like you are moving on. There can be negative aspects to starting to date online too soon after a breakup, as it may become a coping mechanism or distraction for you without giving you time to address your feelings after the split.

Being alone can be difficult, especially if you haven’t been single for a while, but it can also be extremely rewarding. Taking time to focus on yourself and prioritise your needs can help you to find happiness in new places and grow as a person. Allow yourself some time to be alone and trust that you do not need to be dating to enjoy yourself or feel whole.

Take time to reflect on what you can learn from the relationship

When you have had some time to process the breakup, it can be a good idea to look back and reflect on your relationship to see what you can learn from the experience. Understanding what you enjoyed in the relationship, what you found difficult and why you broke up can help you to better understand the qualities that are important to you in a partner, what you bring to a relationship and what you are looking for in any future relationships.

Remember, being in a relationship is optional and you should never feel that you have to be in one unless you want to.

Feeling overwhelmed and want to talk to someone?

• Get anonymous support 24/7 with our text message support service
• Connect with a trained volunteer who will listen to you, and help you to move forward feeling better
• Free-text SPUNOUT to 50808 to begin
• Find out more about our text message support service

If you are a customer of the 48 or An Post network or cannot get through using the ‘50808’ short code please text HELLO to 086 1800 280 (standard message rates may apply). Some smaller networks do not support short codes like ‘50808’.